Rules For Men in Public Bathrooms - Do You Follow These?

Men and public bathrooms simply were not made for each other. Whether it is the underlying machismo, or the repeated need to urinate in strange places, a public bathroom just goes against most every male instinct.

When a male walks into a public bathroom, the first thing he does is scan the area. Are there any other males present? If not, then things are a bit easier. You are then number one in line and can proceed with only a mild concern of being disturbed. You never know, however, when a rogue alpha male may come in and take over. Be aware of your surroundings but proceed.

If urinals are occupied, a number of rules should be followed to the letter. Here they are:

If an upright urinal is in use, do not use the ones directly adjacent. This rule is not followed but should be. Why do the builders put these urinals shoulder to shoulder? It is as though they decided to try their absolute best to put us as close together as possible. Some dudes are not equipped to be showing off. For those of us without that problem, it is just arrogant. Which leads us to the next golden (no pun intended) rule:

If you are forced to use the adjacent urinal, keep your eyes on the creative writing and drawings on the bathroom wall. This is what they are for, after all. Eyes forward, and no tapping of the feet. This extends to every part of the bathroom.

There is only three situations where it is acceptable to break the adjacent urination rule:

1. If you are about to lose control.
2. If the game is nearly over and you
might miss something important.
3. You are to old to care what anyone
thinks and your prostate is running the show.

Otherwise, wait patiently for your turn against the back wall.

If you find yourself with no choice but to go next to someone, please keep in mind that not all men urinate in a straight line. What appears to be a strange ritual may simply be someone that is suffering from "sprayitis". This is an inexplicable phenomenon that strikes men occasionally where control is lost over direction and power. This phenomenon is yet another reason that urinals should be at least three feet apart.

Strangely enough, if you are outdoors, all rules disappear for the most part. Men think nothing of urinating pretty much anywhere at anytime once they reach the outdoors. Even "sprayitis" becomes a fun game among normally cautious males. I guess it is the primitive nature of men in general that allow for free range in this way.