salvage me

I recently recieved news that a friend of mine will likely be discharged from the navy, an institution he looked to as his saving grace. He has been through some hard times and battled some addictions and sought to turn his life around by joining the forces. But he got caught in a bad situation and they are evidently making an example out of him. The kid can never catch a break.
He needs something,
some kind of salvation.
But hey, don't we all?

What is salvation? Where is it? Where is it found? Is it tangible? Does when know it when he sees it? Can it be grasped and molded to fit individual's situations? Or is it something created by an individual; something one decides he needs and stops at nothing until they are "salvaged?"

I need it so badly. I need to be salvaged. I must escape from this hole. Everytime I begin climbing out the hole's walls cave and I slide slowly down to the bottom, eclipsing my progess.

People I love take joy in hurting me. Conversely, I enjoy hurting everyone else. This cycle of my life is neverending. Despite the sunshine and sweat my inner turmoil does not wash away with the tides.

After awhile it all gets tiring. I cannot see past the evening's plans. I often wonder if I will be healthy again. I know all variables are not going to come out in my favor all the time. I know this, but I am unable to at least balance the scales. I want to be the kid I used to be, to have that air around me again. This lifestyle and wretched attitude of mine need to be in the past. But, truth be told, I give up on repairs.

I am tired.
I cannot focus, nor am I able to effectively concentrate.
I self-medicate.

The rain has been blinding for nearly a year and this wetseason has no end in sight.

Life, it seems, has presented itself in a fickle way. Some people see it as a miserable existance sprinkled with smiles. Others lie about life and view it as a series of goodtimes interrupted by hardships.
Me, I am stuck somewhere in the middle unable to make any notable progress toward salvation or death because I am always either scaling up or sliding down the questionable wall of life.

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