As a teenager who has viewed the ignorance of fellow peers, I understand a parent's concern and desire for their child's protection and safety when it comes to STD's, pregnancy and other possible risks resulting from a person being sexually active. But allow me to start off by saying Abstinence may be 100% effective in preventing physical harm, but what about mental stability?

There is absolutely no way around the fact that young people are going to have the urge to explore their sexuality and I think the biggest mistake many people make when trying to protect their children from the dangers of sex is leaving their kid's completely ignorant of topic. Many people think,well if my son or daughter doesn't know about it they can't be curious about it because if you don't know about something how could you possibly question it?

Sex is everywhere. It's in entertainment, it's in the schools, it's in books. It's simply a part of everyday life and best way you can prepare your children is to talk to them about it and stop trying to pressure them to live by the rule of abstinence.

Abstinence has been overplayed for years. It isn't an effective way to prevent STD's, its an effective way of completely avoiding them, which is what most people want. But believe it or not, it can hurt a marriage. In all aspects of life, you're taught to test the waters before you jump in, so why is sex any different? Don't get me wrong, I'm strongly against teenagers having sex with anything that moves, but rather it's with someone special or with someone who just happens to be there at that moment, sex is going to happen and as far as abstinence, I believe it can cause mental damage and possibly end a marriage.

For example, take a woman who has been with a man for 5 or 6 yrs and is still strongly pledging Abstinence. Her sexual desires are going to increase and eventually, it is very plausible that she may lose interest in the guy as a person because her determination for sex is so strong it may consume her thus resulting in a marriage fueled not by love but for the desire for sex.

Another scenario, a woman giving her husband her virginity which in her eyes creates a bond between them on top of the bond they each created through getting married. Needless to say, she is going to be very attached to this man. Now let's just say that somewhere a long the line things go sour between this couple and it leads to a divorce. Being that this man was her husband and has her virginity, it's going to cause major instability and it's going to be even harder to pick up the pieces of her life.

These are just a few examples of why Abstinence isn't such a good choice. Women put too much of themselves into the aspect of their "first time" to have the weight of marriage tacked on to sex as well. All of this information, of course, realtes to what follows after ones first sexual encounter. Now let's explore the reason why a person's first sexual encounter happens.

Most teens have sex not because they want to feel the closeness of that person, but simply, and to put it bluntly, because they've heard how good it feels. This is one of the issues few parents feel the need to tackle, which leads me to another sensitive topic that is always an alternative but never mentioned: masturbation.

Masturbation is an effective way to feel the joy of sex without the danger of STD's and pregnancy yet interestingly enough, sex is still more accepted in society than the idea of masturbation. I honestly believe, if more parents talked to their children about masturbation and used it as an alternative to sex, many teenagers wouldn't be pregnant, wouldn't have STD's and wouldn't be curious about something they could establish themselves.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, forcing your child to push away feelings that can become overwhelming can seriously effect the choices they make and ultimately their future. Abstinence may seem like a good choice at first, but when you dig deeper, it has it's flaws and side effects. And before you decide to tell me I'm wrong, remember that I am a young adult and I am around other people my age. I see their problems, evaluate their situations and I often give them solutions and try to help them with their problems.

So just remember, before you decide to force something upon your child, or anyone else, ask yourself what the consequences may be.

-Valerie K.