Simple.

..."I enjoyed my time in law enforcement and will probably go back into it when I'm out of this Army..."

...That's what I said then... and that's exactly what I did. Ironic? Nope. I think that I found my niche (in the 9-to-5 world, anyway) when I geared up and went into "keeping the peace."

I find it somewhat amusing that I was a peacekeeper before, signed up to go to war -due to some dumbasses inflicting their hatred upon my country this time (oh, how that seemed to change me deep inside)... never made it over to the sandbox/Hell even though I offered 4 years of my life to it (and I'm grateful for the most part that I never made it because my views have changed radically since 2001) ..........and now I'm back to being a peacekeeper...

Life will lead you if you let it.

So today was my first day officially back in the civilian world and let me tell you... Last night I slept better than I have in months. I guess just knowing that I'm free to make my own choices about what's right and what to do with that knowledge has removed a tremendous burden from my shoulders. Weight I should've never been told to carry -once I figured out that they were wrong.

That's how I've come to know that I'm making the right choices in my life... I sleep better, look better and most importantly, feel better. Freedom is a beautiful thing. No wonder those not free screw up so much in the world. It's not natural to be imprisoned, whether in body or in spirit. Now I'm back to being free and I fully intend to live that way. I hope to be able to teach others along the way how to find their own freedom because I firmly believe that we imprison ourselves long before anyone else gets the chance.

I guess once you're a soldier, you'll always be one in some form or another. I'm okay with that. I'll just think of myself as a "soldier of life." It can be a small role that I choose to play or one bigger than I thought I'd ever be important enough to take part in. Either way, I know now where I belong. Wherever the truth leads me. I know that my compass has always been my heart, I just didn't trust myself to already know everything I needed to know to get me down the road. It really is already alive in me. I just have to be willing to let go of what I think I know and be open to what life will teach me...

Finding your own peace really is simple. Not easy. It's taken me my whole life to get to where I am. To want to smile. To want to see others smile. To be the example my friends try to convince me that I am, to find the words that they tell me open their eyes to better ways of seeing things...

I think I began to realize that I was getting somewhere one day about 14 years ago in my doctor's office waiting to hear my unborn baby's heartbeat. I was so young and so sad for my age. That's another story for another day...

As I sat against the wall, I remember watching other women with round bellies talking and laughing and I thought, "What's with all this smiling? How did everybody get so happy? What have I missed?..."

Then a tiny little elderly lady came up to me and reached for my hand, silently urged me to stand, and once I was on my feet, said to me, "You're beautiful. Do you know that? I'll bet people don't say that to you a lot, do they?"

As I looked down at her, my mouth would not speak... for I felt that I would break down and cry right there in front of everybody and I wasn't about to do that, so I just shook my head and offered a shy smile that I hoped let her know that I didn't feel sorry for myself, even though she was exactly right.

The room fell quiet. Silent almost, as if everybody else suddenly thought they'd been the ones who'd been missing something important, and then she smiled and walked out the door and left me standing there with the newfound knowledge that there really was good in people afterall.

The words that tiny little lady spoke to me that day changed me. Changed something deep in me. With a selfless observance of another human being in need of something and a few honest words, she placed in my heart the desire to see the good in people. And she made me want to do for others what she'd just done for me. It was one incident on a normal day and one life changed forever because of it.

I still think about her all these years later. I've sometimes wondered if she was an angel. I mean, do they all have to have wings and blind you with their heavenly light? I don't believe that. Angels have many forms. Angels have many lives and they sit quietly observing the ones who just need a little push when they forget where they're going...

Lady, if you're an angel who can read this right now, and even if you're not, thank you from the bottom of my heart to the center of my soul. You shared your light with me that day and it has been stronger than all of the darkest days.

See?

Simple.

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