“Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me, Grady? How dare you speak that way to him?”

“How dare you bring him around like that? What do I have to do to make this any clearer for you dad? I don’t want to work for these people. I don’t want to follow into your footsteps. I don’t want this!”

“These are people you do not anger, Grady. They can make things very difficult.”

“Yeah, great, dad, that really sounds noble. Sounds like a great bunch of people to work for. What was all that you and that creep fed me about this organization being on the side of good? How can you be on the side of good and threaten people like this?”

“Grady, you just don’t understand.”

“Yes, dammit, you’re right, I don’t understand. I don’t understand these powers. I don’t understand what we do. I don’t understand the people you work for. I don’t understand any of this. No one is explaining it to me. Maybe you can just accept all of this on faith, but I can’t.”

“Grady, everything about what we do is based on faith. You have to have faith. Faith in people. Faith in the soul. Faith in what we do.”

“Maybe you can do that, dad, but I can’t. I won’t.”

Grady’s father lowers his head.

“That man is not on the side of good, dad. That man was evil. If he is then what about the rest of the people? Who are all of these people messing around with ancient magic and telepathy? What good has ever come from working for some shadow organization? Jesus, dad, who are these people and what do they want? What do they want with you and me and the rest of our family?”

“Grady I have seen things that I cannot explain to you. I have done things and been places more amazing than can possibly be expressed. All of it was made possible by these people.”

“How could you not have asked these questions of these people before, dad? Did you think you would eventually just hand me over to them? How could you give these people so much control over your family?”

“I wouldn’t have a family without them. None of what we have would have been possible without them.”

“Is this house and your car and the television worth the selling of you soul to these people? Do you want to know what happens to your soul when you die, dad? I think nothing because these people already have it.”

Grady can see this has angered his father. His father’s face is red and he is nearly trembling with rage. He is angered as well. He wants to run. He wants to pound his father with his fists. He wants to find Amy and head back to Toronto and forget all about his family again.

“Both of you need to shut up!!”

Grady turns in surprise and sees Amy standing at the base of the stairs. Her face is red. Her fists are at her sides. She is quaking with anger. Her eyes blaze and she looks from his father back to him as though the two of them were playing tennis.

“Amy – “

“No, both of you just need to shut up. Neither of you is listening to the other. You’re both so set in your ways neither of you wants to hear what the other is saying. Grady, you really have no idea about these people your father works for and you really don’t want to learn. Your father just wants you to follow in his footsteps so bad it’s like he’s deaf to what you want. Neither of you hears the other and you just got around and around over the same thing!”

“Young lady, I don’t think this conversation concerns you.”

“Doesn’t concern me? In case you haven’t noticed I am in love with your son. I had hopes of spending the rest of my life with him. So, I would say whatever you two are determining about his future would concern me.”

Grady runs his fingers through his hair. Everything seems to be spinning out of control.

“Then what do you want me to do, Amy?”

“I want you and your father to spend some time actually talking. I want you to find out what it is he does and how he does what he does. I want you to spend some time actually thinking about whether or not you want to reject everything he’s done. If you do that and you come to the conclusion that you want to move back to Toronto then I will support you. If, on the other hand, you decide that this life is the one for you and that your family has been in the right this whole time I will still be here. I’ll go where you go. But stop making decisions because you’re mad at your father. Stop and think and decide what’s really right for you. Decide what you want to do so there won’t be any regrets down the road. I don’t want to be responsible for your regrets. I want you to decide what you want. That includes me.”

Grady steps toward her with his hand outstretched.

“No, Grady! Don’t make any more hasty decisions. Think.”

Her face looks ready to break. Grady can see tears standing out in her eyes again. He wants to go to her and hold her but her hands are already up as though she suspects he wants to do this and will ward him off. She turns and storms back up the stairs. Grady sighs and lowers his head.

“I don’t know how to do this, dad. I don’t know how to be what you want me to be.”

“She’s a remarkable woman, Grady. You’d be a fool not to want to stay with her whatever you decide.”

“Of course I want to stay with her. I – “

He whirls and looks at his father. His father has his hands on his desk and he is looking down at papers on his desk. His shoulders are slumped and for the first time in his life Grady sees that his father is getting older. This is man who is getting tired.

“Whatever I decide? You mean you’re letting it be my decision?”

“Grady, I can only fight for so long. Besides, what she said makes sense. I’ve been fighting you so hard on this. I guess you can’t be forced into doing this. If I try your powers won’t reach their true potential and you’ll hate me for the rest of your life. If you have nothing but hatred inside you’ll be no good to anybody.”

His father looks at him. Grady notices the dark circles under his father’s eyes. For the first time he realizes the toll these weeks have taken on his father. He realizes how selfish he’s been. He’s been so wrapped up in his own feelings he has completely missed the fact that his father is coming apart. His father must be under pressure from the people he works for to bring Grady into the program.

“What will happen to you if I don’t do this?”

“I don’t know Grady. As Donovan said, I am too valuable to the organization to be let go. Make no mistake, they want you in the group more than anything.”

Grady runs his fingers through his hair again. He sighs and stares up at the ceiling.

“I just don’t know, dad. I hate the idea of working for people I don’t know and having a puppeteer pulling my strings.”

“Grady, your power is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It took me a year to get even half of what you’ve learned in a few weeks. Your abilities are just beginning to take shape. No one can even hazard a guess as to how powerful you might become. Who wouldn’t want that power on their side?”

“How do I know which side is the right side?”

“You have senses that I never even developed, Grady. Use them. You’ve already seen what they can do. You can tap into that if you want to at any time. Plus, you’ve always had instincts, Grady.”

Grady shakes his head. Amy’s words still echo in his head. He sits down in front of his father’s desk and puts his head in his hands. He can’t think of the rest of his life right now. The only thing he knows for sure is he wants to be with Amy. He would do anything to be with her.

“I need to find Amy.”

His father nods. Grady stands and heads up stairs. He stands in the kitchen for a moment listening. He can hear soft sobbing coming from the living room. He heads there and finds Amy sitting on the edge of the sofa with her eyes covered with her hands. She is weeping and her shoulders are shuddering with the sobs. If she hears him come in she doesn’t react.

“Amy.”

Her hand come down. She looks at him with blue eyes rimmed with red. She lets the tears stream down freely.

“I don’t know what I want to do with my life, Amy. I don’t know if that’s a decision I can make right now. I just know that more than anything I want to be with you. You keep me sane.”

He comes to her and she opens her arms to him. They hold each other in the living room and she sobs on his shoulder. He lets her sob and gently runs his hand over her shoulders and back. When her sobs subside he kisses her. He kisses her swollen eyes and puffy, tear-streaked face. He kisses her lips. He tastes her tears on hit lips and to him nothing has ever tasted sweeter.

“Do you really think you could live with a man who gets called away at any moment and gets sent around the world?”

“I don’t know, Grady. I just know I want to be with you. If I have that I think I can get through anything.”

“It’s easy to say that. You have no idea what you’ll feel like ten years from now.”

“Who does, Grady? What couple knows everything that’s ever going to happen? We’d do the best we can.”

“Now here comes a real question.”

“What?”

“What the hell do we tell your mother?”

She laughs at this and her laughter warms his heart.

“What do you say we get out of here for a while?”

She nods.

“I can get the keys to my father’s car. Maybe we can find a pub somewhere or something. I think we’ve been cooped up in here for too long.”

She nods again and with enthusiasm. Grady kisses her and stands. He finds his father’s keys on a hook near the door. He holds them up in his hands and shakes them.

“Come on, let’s see if we can find some trouble to get into that doesn’t involve anyone dying or destiny. I am getting sick to death with talk about my destiny. I hate the word.”

She laughs. She walks toward him and they kiss again. She grabs her coat.

“I think I could get used to you acting like this. Girls always love a rebel.”

She heads out the door. Grady feels the cool night and air coming in through the open door. He watches her head down the front steps. He smiles and for a moment thinks that maybe things will turn out all right. He has never been so in love and he thinks maybe she will make whatever he decides all right.

He heads out into the night and his heart is pounding and he feels alive. He is even wondering if maybe he could do what his father has been doing. Could he really allow himself to be sent all over the world to deal with dying people? Could he push his questions aside and do it? He thinks that with Amy by his side he might be able to.

He reaches the car and opens the doors. Amy sits down in the passenger seat. The night is so dark and crisp. Grady can just see his breath when he breathes. The car is cold but it starts right away and Grady backs down the driveway and into the road. The road is empty and the headlights cut through the darkness. Grady cannot even see the glow of a nearby town on the horizon. He knows the town is out that way and just over a hill but he wants to drive. He wants to get as far away from this house as he can without leaving the country.

“What would you think if I decided to join up with this organization that my father works for?”

“I don’t think it would be as bad as you think. Grady, I firmly believe people all have their talents and their reasons for being here. If you don’t do what you’re mean to do you then you end up miserable for the rest of your life. You can’t deny it. Hell, you end up doing it anyway. So the choice is to do it and make it your life’s work or sneak around doing it.”

“I’ve never actually wanted to do this, though. My father has been telling me I would be doing this from the moment he found out I could do what he could do. I’ve been telling him no from that point on.”

“You’ve been so intent on trying to do your own thing maybe you’ve never stopped to think about what it is he does. You have to admit it’s a pretty good deal. It’s almost unlimited pay with housing paid for and medical. Your family would be taken care of.”

Grady laughs. He turns down a road that leads into a wooded area in the distance. On either side of the car is total darkness. Ahead of him is the blackness of asphalt. There are starts out but he can also see clouds building in the distance. He figures it will be raining before this night is out.

“Yes, I guess my spouse would be taken care of.”

“Whoever that might be.”

Grady turns to look at Amy. She is starting straight ahead. There is the faintest hint of a smile on her face.

“What do you think? Think you might like to apply for that position?”

She turns to look at him.

“Don’t you think it might be a little too early to ask something like that?”

“Not really. I know people who have done it much sooner. Remember, I have amazing powers and abilities. I can see things others can’t. Maybe I know something you don’t.”

“I know you are lying your damn ass off right now.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think I want to officially ask while we sit in damn car, either. Consider this a kind of poll.”

“Well then you will be happy to note that four out of five people surveyed are in favor.”

The car enters the wooded area. On either side of the car trees flash past the windows and Grady’s eyesight. Beyond the first line of trees are more trees but the shadows are so dark Grady cannot see them. It is like the line of trees in front of a vast void. A few drops of rain spatter down on the windshield. Grady turns on the wipers.

“I don’t know what to do, Amy. I have to admit. For the first time I’m conflicted about this. I’ve always known I didn’t want to do it and that I would do something else. Now I’m considering it. It’s like having my entire life change. I still have so many questions.”

“And you definitely didn’t like that Donovan guy.”

“No, I definitely did not. He definitely did not seem to be working for the good guys no matter what he says. He seemed like a thug. Who threatens people like that and then still claims to be on the side of right and good with a straight face.”

“What can he really do?”

“I don’t know. Both he and my father keep talking about how powerful people with powerful abilities work for this organization. That doesn’t really tell me much. However, my dad did have that stuff that allowed us to sort of share minds. I mean, how is that even possible?”

“I don’t know, Grady. Since meeting you my life has definitely entered the realm of the weird. I never would have been able to believe in people who can read minds and memories and souls and sin-eaters just a few months ago. As far as I was concerned none of this was possible. Yet, here we are and there you are and you’re doing all of those things.”

“I never wanted you to be involved in all of this stuff, Amy. I was hoping my abilities would just go away and I could be normal.”

“You are normal. You seem to think there’s something broken with you. In reality you have abilities that no one else has. You have more than anyone else. I don’t think that’s a flaw.”

Grady turns to look at her again. She is looking at him and even in the darkness her eyes are blue and sparkling. Light from the dashboard reflects on her face and makes her eyes shine like tiny universes. He leans in to kiss her quickly.

The car drives through the woods. The road is fairly narrow and there are few lights. On either side of the road are the trees, reaching for them and arching over the roadway. These are ancient towering trees with thick trunks. There is a narrow strips of grass on either side of the road before running into the line of trees.

“I think you could probably count on a yes, Grady. Just in case you were still wondering.”

“I think I got that, but thanks.”

The car rounds a bend. Grady turns from looking at Amy to looking at the road. As soon as he rounds the bend he sees that there is an animal in the road. The animal is huge and has antlers. The coat is brown. Grady thinks it’s a buck but at this point it could be a unicorn. It is muscular and huge and it seems to him as if it towers over the car although he knows this is not possible.

Things seem to move in slow motion at that point and despite this Grady is unable to do anything to stop it. He sees Amy out of the corner of his eye turn and look out the window. Her mouth opens and she screams.

“Grady!”

Grady slams on the brakes. The car begins to squeal. The animal is looking directly at him, as though marking him, its eyes glowing in the headlights. The animal does not move and it appears frozen in the headlights. Grady realizes there is not enough time to stop and he is going to hit this animal.

Grady twists his head and he sees something then. He knows that it has been there perhaps all day and all night but he hasn’t seen it. He hasn’t seen it because he hasn’t wanted to see it. Amy’s entire body is covered with a thick black inky substance that is very much like a cloud and yet nothing like a cloud.

“No! Amy!”

His scream is drowned out by the squealing of the brakes. He hits the animal head on. The legs are clipped out from underneath it. If it lets out any noise Grady cannot hear it. The animal slams over the hood of the car and then into the windshield. The glass explodes inward. Grady throws up his hands as glass sprays him. He hears a scream from Amy. He feels wetness slap him in the chest and neck and across his arms. The body of the animal goes up and over the top of the car. There are intestines and blood from the animal all over the dashboard and covering Grady.

The car spins and twists to into the small dip at the side of the road. The car turns onto its side. It rights itself and then jumps into the air for a moment. The front end of the car smashes into one of the tree trunks. Grady is thrown forward. His seatbelt catches and but his head still strikes the steering wheel. The car twists and the back end hits another tree. There is a sickening crunch and more shattering glass. Then the car slams to the ground and there is only the sound of steam rising from the radiator and dripping fluids.

Grady awakens and his head is throbbing. His neck hurts. His shoulder hurts. His leg hurts. He feels something warm running down his face. His forehead is throbbing and there is a slight ringing in his ear. Every movement seems like an agony. He also has no idea where he is or what has happened for several seconds.

“Amy?”

His voice is barely a whisper. He raises a hand to his head and there is blood. He feels tiny bits of windshield glass on his face. He is afraid to open his eyes and when he finally does he realizes he was better off with them closed. There is blood everywhere. There are bits of fur on the dashboard and stuck to the remnants of the windshield. There is blood all over him. He doesn’t know which is his blood, which is the blood of the animal and which might be the blood from Amy.

“Amy?”

His voice is still barely audible. He looks to his left. Amy is not there. The door is twisted and open. The roof is crushed inward. The steering wheel is bent. Amy’s seat appears to have come loose. He looks up through the broken windshield and gasps. He can see Amy lying on the grass beneath a tree some distance away.

“Oh no.”

He tries to move and so many bolts of pain shoot through him he screams. Something in his leg is grinding in a way that it shouldn’t. Blood appears to be running over his lips and down his chin and he thinks his nose may be broken. His shoulder hurts and he wonders if it is dislocated. He pushes against the door but it won’t move. He grits his teeth and forces himself to push hard against the door and it slowly gives way with a horrible metallic noise.

He tumbles from the driver’s seat onto the ground. Rain is falling onto the ground and his fingers sink into the mud. His head is still buzzing. He remembers the dark cloud around Amy. He starts to scream denials in his head and some of the noise there clears. He manages to get to his feet. The world seems to be tilting drastically on its axis.

Amy’s body is twisted strangely against the base of a tree. She doesn’t appear to be moving. Grady is saying a prayer over and over again in his head. At some point he realizes his is muttering it out loud and that it really isn’t much of a prayer. He is simply saying two words again and again until they run together into one long word.

“Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease..”

He staggers and nearly falls. His leg is screaming in protest. He cannot stop his prayer and, at this point, the words are completely not understandable. He wants her to move. He wants to see her cough. He wants to hear her cry out in pain. He wants to see or hear anything. Instead she lays there still and somehow broken. She looks broken.

He finally reaches her. He collapses next to her and forces himself into a kneeling position. He reaches for her and touches her shoulder. Finally, she moves. She coughs and gasps. Her eyes open. She turns her head and looks at him. Grady can see blood in her eye.

“You shouldn’t move your neck, baby.”

She opens her mouth. She closes her mouth. She gasps. Her hand wavers in the air and Grady can see blood on her fingers and beneath her fingernails. There is so much blood. Her clothes are soaked with it. Her face is covered. Fresh blood runs down her chin as she tries to move and speak. Her legs don’t seem to be facing the right way and seem to be twisting in the wrong directions.

“Grady…:

“Shhh, Amy, be quiet. Don’t try to talk. I have to go get help. I have to – “

“No…”

Her voice is so quiet Grady can barely hear it over the sound of the rain. Her hand reaches out and falls on Grady’s arm. There is an urgent look in her eyes and Grady realizes she is trying to get closer to him. She is trying to get his arms around her.

“No, baby, please. Please, don’t.”

He moves forward and manages to lift her to him. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He has read before you never move the person who has been in an accident. He knows her neck may be broken. He also knows that she is dying. He doesn’t want to see the heave dark cloud around her but he knows it’s there. He can feel it running over his fingers.

“I want you to be here.”

He knows she wants him to be here when she dies. He wants to scream. He wants to run. The memories start sliding through his brain. He is seeing her in every time throughout her life. Her life is flashing before his mind. He wants to hold her. He wants to hold on to each memory.

She feels broken in his hands. Bones feel out of place. He has spent hours running his hands over her body and he knows that her body doesn’t feel like this. She shudders and her other hand comes to his face. He is forced to look into her bleeding face. He sees her beautiful blue eyes still so beautiful even when rimmed with blood.

“I can’t do this, Amy. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Can’t stop it now. You know.”

She coughs and more blood runs over her chin. Blood runs over her teeth. He leans in and kisses her.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She looks at him and, amazingly, she tries to smile. It lasts for a second and then disappears. Her head lays back and her eyes close. Her fingers find the hair at the back of his head and her fingers twist into his hair. Her other hand clutches at him. Her entire body shudders. Then her breath staggers. She makes another small cough. She shudders once more and her hands clutch at him again. He can feel fingernails dig into the skin at the base of his skull. Then her fingers relax. Her body falls limp in his hands. Grady feels his heart shatter in his chest and he cries out. Then he closes his eyes, turns his face into the rain, and concentrates.

He is in his white room. He looks down the long white hallway. At the end of the hallway is the darkness. The cloud of blackness rolls forward, hurtling towards him. He opens his arms to embrace the darkness for the first and only time in his life. The blackness embraces him.

She is all around him. Her memories plow through his brain. One sin after another pounds into his soul like nails. He opens his mouth and in the white room he screams. On the ground, in the rain, with her body already growing cold in his arms, he opens his mouth to the rain and screams.

Tears pour down his face. Her sins are so minor. Her sins are nothing compared to those he has seen. Her sins are black but they do not hurt in the same way the other have. He wants to hold on to her sins. He loves even the parts of her that have done evil. He wants to hold on to them. Instead they slip through his mind like water through a sieve.

Inside his white room the blackness is streaming through him. It is shooting through his chest and coming out as white light behind him. He wants to reach out and grab what is in front of him and hold it but he can’t. Instead he is rocked by memories and sins of Amy as a child, teenager and young adult. It is all too short. It’s much too short and soon the blackness is turning into gray.

In the woods he barely registers that there is a siren and lights are reflecting off of the trees. He hears voices. He hears yelling. He senses there are people around him but he holds her to him. He holds the lifeless body that was once so alive against him and rocks in the rain. His head is tilted back and water runs down his face and into his mouth.

The grayness turns slowly to white. The whiteness blinds him. Somehow tears stream down his face within the white room as well as in the woods. He no longer knows what is in his mind and what is reality. He doesn’t know whether his sobs are in his mind or real. He sees only the brilliant white light of Amy’s soul before him.

The figure before him is indistinct. He sees the vague outline of her form. She is perfect now. She is perfect and pure and he feels the warmth of her soul. He reaches out to her with both hands. Whatever appendages she manifests that resemble hands reach toward him and their fingertips brush. He strains to hear her but he hears nothing. Then there is a rushing noise. The rushing noise he has heard before and he screams a denial. He tries to will her back to him. Instead she rushes away from him. The whiteness disappears down the long corridor before him.

She is gone. He feels a hand on his shoulder. Someone is telling him that he needs to let go. He doesn’t see the face. He can barely hear. He would swear that his heart has shattered so loudly it has made him deaf. Water runs in sheets down his face and over his chin.

“Sir, please. You’re hurt. We’ll take her.”

He has no more strength. He wants to fight. He wants to hold her but he cannot fight. He lets them pull her away. He sees her face and her lips are white. Her color is gone. She is gone. What he has here is a shell and it is empty. He is alone and he feels alone.

They put her onto a stretcher. Grady becomes aware there are people around him. He doesn’t understand how so many people can be here. There is a crowd along the edge of the road. Cars have stopped on either side and people look at him with shock and sadness. He is placed on a stretcher and someone is asking him questions. He gives answers and he hopes they are the right answers but he does not remember what he says.

As they move him toward the ambulance he looks out at the people. Some are huddled around the battered and broken carcass that lies in the road where the animal landed. There is blood from the animal all over the road. Others watch him on either side. Somewhere, near the back row of people he sees a glimpse of a face. He looks again. The face is gone now but he is sure he saw it.

He fights against the stretcher for a moment. A paramedic shouts something. Someone moves forward with a needle and the needle is inserted. He tries to stand again but is restrained. The world starts to fade. It fades with one word on his mind and on the tip of his tongue. It is a name.

Donovan.