In late June 2007 a routine dental appointment became the stepping-stone to a life-changing event. This is the finale of that story.

Finally, the day had arrived, Tuesday, July 17th 2007; I called in the morning and told Cleo my shield had broken that morning. She said it was okay as today was the day. I got up got dressed and went off to my appointment.

In the office, Cleo was beaming and probably more excited than I was. I was more restless, anxious, and impatient. I was called back numbed. Then, the dentist forcefully popped off the last piece of the shield and noticed I had some slight mouth trauma from the breaking, but it could be worked with. He began grinding away at the hardened composite material and washing away the dust, despite the numbing I could still feel cold.

After some time he was done with the hard part as he said and began working on the bleeding. After that was all patched up. He then told me to hold my mouth open for five minutes to dry the teeth. Those were the longest five minutes of my life. The time was edging closer. My life would change dramatically, finally, no more excuses, to just be myself.

He returned and first fit the veneers to test the fit some minor alignment adjustments were made and the composite was applied and the veneers were “white lighted“ to dry. Five minutes of white lighting and pressure, but they would not solidify. So then, five more minutes and still when the cosmetic dentist tapped them they sounded hollow. Five more minutes the white light wand growing so hot it burned my lip, and we were done. I was a changed man.

I everyone in the office came out to look at my new teeth and the doctor’s handy work. I elated but could only smile weakly. Exhausted, emotionally and physically, I mumbled a good-bye and thank you to Cleo. I returned home and for the second time that summer I felt like crying. Years of hardships and feelings of inadequacy had all culminated into this moment. A portion of my puzzle was replaced and now I could feel mostly whole. I sat in my small apartment and just reflected on the name-calling, the low self-esteem I had as a child. There was no excuse any longer. Now I had to focus on me.

Then the fear set in, was I ready to change? Would the person I become be completely a new version of me or just a more confident version. Would I become jaded, selfish, and egotistical? This situation really made me ask myself who I truly was. I realized that the veneers was just surface. It was true no I had nothing holding me back but I really hadn’t let anything hold me back too much. Even today I still remain slightly shy and at times, but now I can recognize that as just part of who I am, not something deeper than just feeling timid.

Nearly two weeks later I woke up to a loud pop and pain. A veneer had popped off! The same one that took so long drying. I was horrified. It was the grinding of my teeth and a misalignment. Here it was 6 in the morning and I was nearly in teats. I panicked and called to leave a message to the office. Nothing could ever go my way. Then I called into work. Cleo called back and told me to come in.

At the office Cleo’s saddened face was ready for lunch as was the rest of the staff. I came in completely disheveled. My doctor wasn’t in nor was any cosmetic dentist just some assistants. In the chair I was told a temporary bonding agent would be applied until my next appointment. The following Tuesday and here it was Friday. I couldn’t win. I went to the nearest drug store to buy a bite guard. I arrived home to await my next catastrophe.

The weekend flew buy and there I was back at the office and Cleo’s energy. The veneer was re-adhered and I filling was replaced and I was sent home. At home once again elated and exhausted. The same feelings crept over me: The worry of changing into more of a megalomaniac. But I still realized that even having the fear of changing into a less humane person, is the first way to prevent it happening. If I wasn’t already a “bad” person then, why would I suddenly become one? Nothing really as holding me back from being myself. And certainly nothing was going to drastically change me into a doppelganger of myself.

I could now jut live life as I intended without so much pressure to feel “normal.” Without, those constants doubt to be perfect. Without hiding my emotions, because I didn’t like the way I looked when I cried, No more feeling that my teeth forced me to put on a façade. No more hesitating to be happy No more No more laughing like a geisha girl, timid and demure. Now I dropped my hand from my mouth, flipped off the world, and smiled without any reservations.