So I'm a woman with ADHD? Doesn't mean I'm crazy, lazy or needy!
posted October 2, 2009 - 10:33amAre you permanently distracted? Do you lose your car keys on a daily basis? Need to keep lists for everything? Do you never sit on the sofa? What about your home – is it a haven for one lost shoe or a misplaced sweater? nbsp;Do you get bored easily? How about jobs – do you last 2 years maximum and then quit with very little notice? Have you ever found something you really love to do and can stick at or do you flit between ideas and hobbies? Do you plan to cook meals this week then find you cannot be bothered? Does your mind ‘fizz’? Is your behavior erratic? Do you rush everywhere? Drink loads of coffee? Interrupt your girlfriends in the middle of a sentence? Feel constantly unfulfilled? Drive your partner crazy? Forget doctor’s appointments on a regular basis? Are you creative and intuitive? Do you have a vivid imagination that doesn’t seem to gel with plain old boring daily living? Did you intend to have a stellar career and over-achieve academically only to fail miserably once you got into the real world?
Well, welcome to the world of adult female ADHD.
Many of us recognize some or all of the traits above. Some of us may have been diagnosed, whilst others haven’t.
Female ADHD sufferers are less likely to be diagnosed than males. Why? Generally, at school age, males with ADHD are more likely to be loud and boisterous, more noticeable to the teachers, and more likely to be labeled as ‘naughty’ or hyperactive. Females tend to be quieter and less likely to come into the teacher’s radar sights. We also are used to juggling work, home and other commitments which disguise many of our ADHD behaviors.
Developing into adulthood, we are more able, than men, to find coping techniques to help us manage our ADHD better, yet we may not even realize that we do have ADHD. We just feel that keeping lists is actually a symbol of being an organized individual. We see ourselves as ‘active’ and ‘busy’ rather than the ‘hyperactive’ we in fact are! If we have children, we can make subconscious excuses for a messy house – “the children are making such a mess”…but if we take a real look at the mess – a good proportion will actually be our ‘stuff’!
Proper diagnosis is key to learning how to manage our ADHD better. Many women are diagnosed only if they seek help for depression – wondering why they can’t keep a job or their relationships fail. Some women become aware of the reason for their behavior traits only when their child is diagnosed with ADHD. If we are aware of the problem – we can educate ourselves.
ADHD is not a question of poor parenting, needy psychiatry or self indulgent behavior. It is a disease that significantly impacts daily life. As a female with ADHD, building up self esteem has been the most difficult part of post-diagnosis self-action. Knowing that your problems won’t go away can take the floor away from under you – but it IS possible to haul yourself up out of the mire.
Acceptance is vital. Accept that you have ADHD and learn to live within the constraints (and opportunities) that ADHD brings. If you are having a bad day, try not to fight it. You will only expend energy needlessly and worry on something you cannot change.
There should be no stigma associated with ADHD, yet many women are persuaded by family or society’s latest news column, that mental health is something to be swept under the carpet. Mental health is part of our overall physical wellbeing. Our brain is a physical organ and any behavioral disorder is physical also!
Don’t be afraid to talk about your ADHD. Many partners and friends will be supportive – once they understand how ADHD impacts you (and therefore them). Some friends will disappear, unable to cope with their fear of the unknown. That’s okay too. Those who stick with you will stand by you no matter what. If you have children and your children are old enough, think about sharing the information with them too. Children worry that mom’s erratic behavior or mood is somehow their fault. They will be more secure in themselves if they are made aware that this is not the case.
Take time to research ADHD. Some very useful resources are:
http://www.chadd.org
http://www.additudemag.com
A very interesting article about ADHD and women in the workplace can be found at:
Look at alternative careers. There are many that allow you to ‘bounce around’ your ideas or let your creativity flow or necessitate physical action and movement.
Above all, don’t be afraid and try not to be suffocated by a feeling of overwhelming disappointment in yourself. As someone who has experienced all of the above, I have learned to live with the uncertainty of being ‘me’ as best I can. ‘As best I can’ is important! Just because we can’t cure ourselves doesn’t mean we are failures. I’m certainly not suggesting that I ‘embrace’ my ADHD. For me, I don’t think I want to embrace it – nor can I. But I try to remember that life is not black and white and we can positively create a little more balance in our own ‘gray area’ of daily living.
You are worthy, you are not crazy and you are most certainly not alone.
© 2009 Maria Daly
To read all of my articles at Xomba just click on: http://www.xomba.com/user/mdaly
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