Some Things Are Just Stupid

There are certain things in this world that are just stupid. People try to act like they aren't stupid, but they are. Sure, there are times when the stupid things somehow look popular and intelligent, but mostly they are and remain stupid. The best place to look first for stupid things is usually in the area of sports.

There is no such sport as eating. I don't give a good damn how much training a person does or how much competition is involved with the eating, the damn act of eating really fast is not a sport. It is stupid and, mostly, it is disgusting. Any supposed sport that has rules about vomiting is just not a sport. Eating really fast and stuffing as much of anything down your throat as possible is either porn or gluttony and neither of them is a sport. Otherwise one of those porn gang-bangs might as well be listed as a sport.

Various things that are games somehow get classified as a sport. This simply cannot be because if I am good at them, then they are likely not a sport. Bocce is a game I greatly enjoy and learned how to play, but it is not a sport. This means that badminton is not a sport and I am very good at that. Ping pong is not a sport. Baggo or Bags or Cornhole is a bar game and not a sport. Pillow fighting is not a sport no matter how much it is organized.

Once you get past sports the best place to find stupid things is the entertainment industry. Never has a greater group of idiots been in one place than in Hollywood. The stupidity here has spread to the supposed media outlets that cover this scene. I am sorry, but "Access Hollywood" and "Entertainment Tonight" are not legit news outlets. We do not need to know that Jessica Alba passed wind this week or who she is dating or what she was wearing. We do not need to see Katie Holmes grocery shopping. It just doesn't matter that much. Leave the celebrities to do their celebrity thing and cover them when they are doing celebrity activities.

For those of you who are fans of those ridiculous websites and shows, there is something you can keep in mind. It turns out celebrities are, what you call, people! That means that, essentially, they do pretty much the same things you do. The only difference is that they have more money to do more of it than you. They eat. They go to the beach. They swim. They kiss people. They have boyfriends or girlfriends. Sometimes they have multiple. They have sex. They get married. They get divorced. In short, they do exactly the same things people in your family do. Spend more time with them and less time obsessing about these people.

However, the celebrities themselves are generally stupid. Sure, there are exceptions. I know that there are celebrities who have doctorates and could probably cure cancer if that pesky movie career just wasn't getting in the way. However, most celebrities are people who just look good and have no other talent beyond that. Several of them got into the business very young and don't have the education necessary to be intelligent. Lots of them have been doted on since they were children so they have been coddled and given a soft life and given everything they have ever wanted.

Once you get past the world of celebrities, the next place to look for stupid is in government. You see, it isn't enough to say things like the Canadian medical system doesn't work the way you think it should, so that's enough reason not to do it here. If it doesn't work there, or there are parts of it there that don't work then why not come up with a system that works better than that and institute it. Now one has said, not even that fat guy Michael Moore, that we should just duplicated exactly what they have. We're America, dammit, that means we should be able to do it better.

Also, if someone is a liberal and they have liberal ideals this does not make them a lemming for one particular person. At the same time, someone who just is conservative and only believes in conservative things that makes them just as much of a lemming as they accuse the liberals of being. Following just one person and having only one view on things and an unwillingness to change despite overwhelming evidence is just as much lemming behavior regardless of which side of the political aisle the person is on.

The politicians are generally those who come from privilege. This has been true since the beginning of the country. Those who can afford to rune are so rich that they probably came from money. The ones who are self-made are often smart enough not to want to get involved in politics. Anyone who would want to get involved in the political process and put themselves out there for that kind of ridiculous scrutiny has to have more than a few screws loose and probably a fewer than normal IQ points.

Once you get past politics, the biggest collection of idiots comes from the criminal element. Anyone who commits a crime these days has to be stupid. They need to spend a little time watching "CSI" and see that from a tiny fiber from their carpet a criminal can be put in prison for life. Anyone who shoots their entire family and then shoots himself in the leg and then tries to convince the cops his wife shot them is a moron and deserves do be put to death. Especially if this criminal mastermind has forgotten to put gunpowder residue on his wife's hands. I say all of that allegedly because the man has yet to be convicted.

Criminals seem to think that somehow their faces do not get on the video cameras that are EVERYWHERE. Everyone should live their lives just assuming they are on camera. Every business has a camera. These days there are cameras on buildings that just take pictures and broadcast them all across the country for weather websites. Anyone who commits a crime and does not disguise themselves deserves to be caught and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Something seems to have gone wrong with people who drives these days. When I was learning to drive I was taught to drive defensively. These days everyone drives like the are on a NASCAR track. Listen, your life and the things you have to do are not more important than the lives of the other people on the road. If you are running late, you should have planned better and left earlier. Slow the hell down. Stop weaving. Know your route and when you have to get over so you aren't crossing eight lanes of traffic in under a half a second. Wait for a real break in traffic and don't try to squire between two cars speeding along on a busy street.

Pedestrians seem to have gotten more and more stupid as time has worn on. Just because you step into the street it does not mean you have the right to slowly walk in front of cars. You should use the crosswalk and you should try to wait for a real safe break in traffic. Don't worry, it will come and it will be worth it rather than that time you will spend in the hospital in a full body cast.

So, let's smarten up people. Our brains are amazing things if we take the time to use them. Oh, and if you ever catch me doing any of the things listed above, just remember that none of it applies to me.

Bryan W. Alaspa's novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com. He also has several short stories available for purchase and download at www.amazon.com.