I have a dream. It's a big dream, but they say you should dream big. Someday I am going to be on The Oprah Winfrey Show. That is what I want more than anything in the world. I want to be backstage and hear the greatest woman in the world shout out my name in that singsong voice she uses to announce the really special guests . I just have one little problem. One little hiccup in my plan to be on the Oprah show. I have no idea how I am going to do it. I don't know what special earth shattering thing I am going to do. Maybe I will finally find a topic to write a book about. I will finally write that book that speaks to every woman on the earth from the heart and changes lives. Oprah would like that, right? Maybe I will sell my custom made bracelets and necklaces to breast cancer victims and because of my jewelry, they will feel better about themselves. Maybe I will get rich and donate a lot of money to research or children's issues, or the homeless. As I sit here with my sippy cup full of iced tea flavored vodka (the beverage of choice for demented, deluded dreamers everywhere) I ponder the possibilities. She will singsong my name for the whole world to hear. I will come out, having finally lost those last 10 pounds of pregnancy weight, in an amazing outfit with amazing hair. I will laughingly reminisce with her about the lean years of desperately writing for paychecks while raising two small children without a car of my own. The years of renting small houses without backyards because my husband's income alone doesn't qualify us for a mortgage. Oprah will smile knowingly as I describe how everything was worth it, because the struggles led me to create the art I am being honored for now. What a great day that will be. All of the kids from my high school long ago will watch me on TV and wish they had known me just a little better. Some of them will lie to the press, claiming a close relationship that never really existed. I don't know why I have chosen the Oprah show as the pinnacle of success. Why not Ellen? Why not that silly show with the silly host, Wendy Williams? All I know is that someday, my name will not be in lights. My name, however, will be voiced by the sweetest voice to ever conquer the airwaves. I am not there yet. I am not even close. As God as my witness I will get there someday. Stay on the air, sweetie. My time is coming. Be ready, someday I will be on the Oprah show!