Chicago is a city that has a tough time with the English language. How can it not when the city itself is legendary for having mayors who can only just barely speak the language. The first Mayor Daley was one of the most powerful men in the country in his day. There was a time when many considered Mayor Daley the second-most powerful man in the country lining up just behind the President. Despite his power he was a man who could mangle a phrase or word easier than anyone else.

“Our police are here to promote disorder,” was one of his most-famous quotes. That one came about during the political convention during the turbulent sixties when a bunch of hippies showed up to protest and camped out in Grant Park right downtown. In a gross miss-reading of the times and society Daley sent the cops into the crowd with batons flailing.

His son isn’t much better. While Richie Daley hasn’t sent the cops into crowds of kids to bash in their heads he has learned how to completely mispronounce words. One of the best is the word “viaduct.” These are the things that you drive down to go under a railroad bridge or another highway. There have been times these viaducts have flooded during heavy rains. It is always entertaining when this happens and a major road is forced to close. When that happens inevitably the mayor will end up on television talking about the “viya-dock” that got flooded. I have no idea what a “viya-dock” is but evidently it is something close to a viaduct.

Chicago accents are hard to listen to for a lot of people. I can understand that. When I am surrounded by other dyed-in-the-wool Chicagoans my own accent starts to slip out. I find myself pronouncing the harshest “Rs” for example. Or the letters “T” and “H” become more like the letter “D.” You may recall the Saturday Night Live bit with the so-called “Superfans.” While this was a joke it wasn’t really that much of a stretch. We really are generally a bunch of sausage-eating, beer-swilling guys with mustaches who talk that way.

What’s always interesting is how the accent makes its way into places you don’t expect it. You can be talking to the best-dressed guy you have ever seen. He might be talking about insurance or something. He’ll have a suit that looks as expensive as your car only shinier and he’ll have a briefcase that, if sold on eBay, could resolve some countries debt problems. He will walk in and shake hands with you and you will go into a conference room and he will pull out brochures and information about his insurance company. Then he will open his mouth.

“Whatchoo gotta do here is pick da plan dat works best for ya,” he’ll say.

There are certain words that exist in Chicago that do not exist anywhere else. Where else but in Chicago can you hear someone who went to college talking about their “fronchroom?” For those of you new to Chicago-speak a “fronchroom” is a Chicago-ized version of the words front-room. For those of you in other parts of the world this might actually be your living room or family room. This is a word I use regularly. It has been handed down year after year and generation to generation in my family. If you are talking about the front of the house and the room that is there you are talking about the “fronchroom.”

There are certain words that have even made it into advertisements and these can really bother me. There is one commercial running right now where a woman repeatedly wants her boyfriend to buy her “jew-lah-ree.” I hate it when people pronounce it that way. Look at the way the word is spelled. The word is jewelry. You see that second “E” is before the “L?” That means the word is pronounced “jew-el-ree.” I don’t really know if this is a Chicago thing or not but I do seem to hear it more here than anywhere else.

Each part of this country has its own vocabulary foibles. I lived in Missouri for a time and could never see why everyone there insisted wanted to pronounce it “Mizzur-ah.” As one friend pointed out you don’t call the river the “Mississipp-ah” did you? No, the letter “I” at the end of the word means it’s an “eee” sound so it is and should always be “Missouree.” That’s the end of that story. Of course people down there also talk about taking highway “farty” instead of forty.

Still, Chicago accents are usually easy to spot a mile away. If you run into a guy who talks about buying a “pop” or getting a can of “pop” then you probably have a guy from Chicago. We use the term “pop” all the time around here in casual conversation and formal conversation. I got tired of the strange looks I would get from Missourians when I would ask about what kind of pop they had and started saying “soda” and I have never looked back.

Here in Chicago we have Chicago-style hotdogs but we are also the home of the Italian-beef sandwich. Of course a true Chicagoan pronounces it “Eye-talian” when talking about getting one of those sandwiches. By the way if you haven’t tried and Eye-talian beef sandwich you need to get out and try one, they’re excellent.

Chicagoans like to put letters where there are no letters. I recently saw a job ad that indicated the job was located in the suburb of “Palantine.” The problem is that there is now suburb called “Palantine.’ No, the suburb is “Palatine” and it only has one letter “N.”

The stadium where the Chicago Bears play is Soldier Field. Of course to most Chicagoans they will forever be playing at Soldier’s Field. Even though the name of the place is emblazoned all over the place and there is no letter “S” at the end of the word Soldier and they still won’t be pronouncing it correctly.

There should be a Chicago to English dictionary somewhere. They could hand them out at the airport to tourists once they depart their planes. That way when someone gives tourists directions to “Cominskey” they will know they are actually talking about U.S. Cellular Field where the White Sox play.

Bryan W. Alaspa’s new novel Dust is now for sale on his website www.bryanalaspa.com and at www.amazon.com.