Starting over. How many of us have had to do this? All of us, I'm sure, at one time or another. For me and my family this will be the nineteenth move in twenty-seven years of marriage! Yes, my sister is right, we do like to move, although to her mind it is "running".   
I'm sure I am not the only person to have this looming over my family. Especially in this time of recession and fear of the future. However, this is the only move we have made with bankruptcy and foreclosure as the reason. It is difficult for me to accept that this is honorable. I and my husband have always made sure that our credit remained good. We made sure the bills were paid first then food then gas for the vehicles and so on. It was only in the last three years that things began to slide out of control.
We are not one of the families with an adjustable rate of mortgage nor do we own a home whose value has plummeted below market value. The house we bought in 1995 was a small, three bedroom, two bath brick home built in 1979. It is on a lot, a mile from the high school, two miles from the center of town and in a good neighborhood. The town is small, rural, and conservative. In 1995 my husband and I felt it would be the best thing for our family to put down roots, stay in a less populated part of the country and give our children a stronger advantage during their teenage years.
 In other words, we were trying to keep them as safe as possible in a small town without all the temptations of a big city. As my parents said at the time, "Well, you can run but you can't hide". Everything we hoped to keep from our children occurred right here in this small town. The good thing is a smaller population meant they experienced the effects of temptations and sorrow less. The bad thing is in a small town whatever happens is going to affect you and your children because you know more people, grow closer to more people than you would in big city and consequently love more people in your community than you would in a big city.
I do not mean to disparage communities in a large city. I know there are communities in larger cities that are just as close as or closer than what we have experienced in this little town. All I am saying is this is the first time since I was a child that it has happened to me and my family. We have had the privilege of living in several different states and in many towns and cities within those states. While a sense of community has been felt to some degree by my husband and me in every place, this is the one that I have personally felt so deeply connected.
Perhaps it was because we all four decided to own a home and stay in one place that changed things for me. Perhaps it was the opportunity to increase my education and experience the wealth of knowledge and insight that an advanced degree brings. Perhaps it was just due to the fact of growing older and all the physical and emotional changes that age brings.
I am afraid that because of my advancement in my own education the opportunities for me are limited specifically because of my age. That fact alone is bad enough but coupled with living in a small, rural setting where the job market itself is always lower than in a larger city and it becomes a depressing issue of everyday life. So, my husband and I decided to update the little home, this added to the value but also increased the mortgage amount as well as the home owners insurance. Then the recession hit right when we decided we could put the house on the market.
The little home has been on the market twice in the last year, with two different realtors. The showings have been very few, in fact the first time it was on the market for six months and did not show at all. Well, unless you count the time I showed it to a daughter-in-law of my neighbor. This time there have been more showings but no bids. Added to that is the fact that my husband’s health has deteriorated over the last year. He had a frightening episode of Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia and received chemo for six weeks. I have had to grapple not only with my self esteem but with depression due to the fact that even with an advanced nursing degree I am not providing for us any better that I was before grad school. In fact, now, after it is on the work application, I do not make it known at all. It is humiliating to hear "You've got your Master's Degree but you're still working just as a nurse?"
The good thing is that our love for one another as a family is, for the most part, stronger than ever. My husband and I love our two children very much and as much as we would love to shield them from temptations, hurt, worry and pain the fact remains that we have done the best we could for them and now we must let them choose their own path. We are very proud of both of them and although we will continue to worry and pray and hope, we decided it was time that we returned to our true heart home.
The problem remained, however, that the little house will not sell. In an effort to improve our financial situation we cashed out our retirement savings. According to the bankruptcy lawyer this is the one thing I did not have to do. Your 401 or IRA is protected by law. Regardless of bankruptcy or foreclosure that money is safe. I actually had money in that account as well because I did not use a stock option at all. I used only the funds that were slow to grow, just a small interest rate, but was totally guaranteed by the government never to go down. Just a savings account, really, with a slightly better rate of interest. As I mentioned earlier, we always try to do the honorable thing. We knew we were getting in trouble in the spring, what with the medical bills, the increased mortgage and home owners insurance, my changing jobs too frequently because of my emotional health. But that money could have gotten us a brand new start.
 A hard lesson to learn as well as an embarrassing one. Researching your subject before you do anything is paramount!  Not just paramount but elementary. I know this yet I still made that mistake! 
Finding the right lawyer also took time and was also a humiliating experience until we found the right one. Bankruptcy, too many people, is still considered shameful, regardless of the reason and as I've said, we do live in a very small town. But we are not ashamed. We have done the best we can and this is no longer a place conducive to ether our physical nor our emotional well-being. No matter that some will say we are running away, to our mind, staying in a place that makes us miserable would be masochistic. 
We will be moving again, hopefully in less than three months. We will not be taking all of our material possessions but rather will be taking ourselves and what we consider more important, our love for one another. An added blessing, too, is that our daughter wants to come with us.
For anyone out there who is facing this same challenge remember this

Your retirement savings is secure. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Bankruptcy and foreclosure are not shameful.

Waiting until you are being hounded by your creditors is unnecessary and adds to your stress

Anyone can start over, no matter how old or how young.

You know what is most important! The love you have for each other! That is precious, that is what you take with you when you start over somewhere else.

Leave the drama, issues and things you have no control over behind when you start over. Don't bring those ghosts with you! Otherwise, your new start h will become the same horrible roller coaster ride it was at the last place.

Be confident! You can do this!