Stop Trying So Hard!
Stop Trying So Hard!
When the debates are over, when the shouting and posturing is done, when the voices have fallen silent, what is the only thing we can change? Can we change the other person? No. Can we change the political parties? No. Can we change the social fabric of the country? No. Can we alter the course of human events? No. No. No.
Well, what then? What can we change? If you haven't yet figured out where this article is going, then I would suggest you walk to the nearest mirror. Look into the mirror and meet the eyes of the person in the reflection. That is what you can change.
Picture a large dinner plate sitting in front of you. Now, picture a button from your shirt sitting in the middle of the plate. The plate represents what is known as your Circle of Concern. The button represents what is known as your Circle of Influence. This comparison shows what you want to change will always be much larger than what you can change.
What does that tell us? For me, it means "stop trying so hard to change what you cannot hope to change". Keep your focus on that smaller but no less important Circle of Influence. Think about what goes in there.
- Can you help what other people think about you? No. But, you can control what you think about yourself.
- Can you make everyone like you? No, but you can read some books, journal, and meditate on how to make you like yourself, which is the first and most important step in creating an atmosphere where other people can like you.
- Can you make other people stop doing stupid things? No, but you can change how you respond to their perceived inconsiderations.
- Can you make your employer pay you more money? No, but you can do your job, even if you don't like it all the time, and put yourself in a position to be rewarded with more pay or possibly finding a job with better pay and benefits.
- Can you make your family love you? No, but you can work on making yourself lovable and more loving, a better communicator, and more understanding of the other members of your family.
- Can you bring world peace? No, but you can put your own life in order and send that positive energy into the world to work in harmony with other people doing the same thing and that will bring world peace.
The fact of the matter is the only way to change the world is to change ourselves. If each of us takes care of ourselves first, since that is the one relationship we carry with us everywhere we go, then we will be in a better position to work with everyone else with whom we come in contact every day.
Stop trying so hard to change what you cannot and you will find that many things that used to drive you crazy during the day and frustrate you no end no longer seem important. Stay on this path long enough and you will wonder why you ever spent energy on trying to do the impossible and you will be grateful not only for the change but also for knowing the difference.
Submitted by - change |
- family |
- friends |
- harmony |
- impatience |
- love |
- Religion & Beliefs |
- trying |
- Understanding |
- world peace |
Related Articles
- Login or register to post comments |
- 135 reads |
- Email this page |
- Printer-friendly version |
- jdubhub's Xombytes |
Nice to see you got your senses back
Problem is how long will it last before you get back to what you criticize in your article. Can you actually lead by example? Surprise us all.
To read my posts and articles click here:
http://www.xomba.com/xombyte/lmorovan
Very true
# "Can you make your family love you? No, but you can work on making yourself lovable and more loving, a better communicator, and more understanding of the other members of your family.
# Can you bring world peace? No, but you can put your own life in order and send that positive energy into the world to work in harmony with other people doing the same thing and that will bring world peace."
Very True, Jdubhub. If each and every person understands this basic fundamental truth about life, then I am sure that Earth would become a much better place to live in. (than what we are making of it)
Thanks, lmorovan and rawnak!
@lmorovan: I am done with the political writing, as such. It is not worth the time and energy I put into it, especially since the reason I am here ostensibly is to make money. If you want to keep on that subject, more power to you. Just don't count on my participation.
@rawnak: Thank you for your comment! My wife and I were talking about a Doreen Virtue book and discussing how much better the world would be if all of us were on our Path. No distractions and no diversions, just everyone doing what they came down here to do. That's my goal for me and that's my wife's goal for her--to stay on our paths.
DO YOU HAVE THE WRITE STUFF?
I'm Done Trying
After having had a good night's sleep after I submitted this article last night, I realize that I made the right decision. I am no longer going to participate in the political damnation arguments, which have been long on pointless attacking and short on productive outcomes. If anyone else wants to do it, cool, but I am no longer going to participate.
I've decided to pursue more positive writing topics and add positive energy to Xomba and my fellow Xombies. There is so much beauty in the world that we can discuss and explore together.
DO YOU HAVE THE WRITE STUFF?
We can change ourselves
Change ourselves first and the world will follow you
http://www.xomba.com/do_avoid_drive_car_while_drink_as_convicted_car_insurance_may_steal_your_pocket
This is the only change we are going to see November
Whenever politicians talk about "change", they are talking about going against Universal principles of change by forcing other people to behave differently. Unless there is participation by those who "need" to change, then there will not be lasting change--no buy-in=no real change.
Human Nature being what it is will not allow itself to be ordered to do anything, even if some external force says that it is for "its own good".
DO YOU HAVE THE WRITE STUFF?
Jim... I'm with you
Though I've let myself get sucked into some ongoing debates, I really try not to.
My goals are similar to yours: I'm on Xomba to connect with people, learn new things, have fun writing, and make money (not necessarily in that order).
When I look at some of these long, back-and-forth discussions that go on for 2 or 3 pages of comments, I think of all the time and energy those people spent reading, writing, researching, etc., and I realize that's not what I want to do here... it doesn't contribute to any of my stated goals for being on Xomba.
I'm sure I'll let myself get drawn into some debates in the future, but I try to limit it to two comments or so per post, max. That's enough for each person to express their viewpoints, which aren't going to change anyone's opinion anyway.
Enlightened Voting-Plan!
Don't think 'what do I want to happen,' 'what do I want history to say about me,' or 'who has the best plan'; think, "When I wake up in the morning, will I feel better saying 'Good Morning, McCain's America" or "Good Morning Obama's America?'
That is, Your Vote has very-little effect on how things will go for either candidate (who will have very-little effect on the general situation in America); but what Americans are voting for is the feeling that the guy in charge is on their side.
All That, and Uncle MythMan STILL Thinks You're Awesome!---Big Fan of 2008 Olympics, VegHead, Love, ~Nam Myoho Renge Kyo~ http://is.gd/22wY, Fussin` http://is.gd/1fSs, Ms. Montagne http://is.gd/1fRg, Ms. Li http://is.gd/1fSe -http://is.gd/1fSj Xombie Plan
I'm trying!
But I feel so lost lately that I can't get myself to this place. It almost seems easier to be in that dark place some of us know so well. I need help. There, I've said it. :)
Angel
http://robinettedesign.com
http://robinettedesign.blogspot.com
Right on, Jdubhub! Go vegan!
Now that's a change that will make a huge difference to the planet!
propaganda works
I disagree. People do change their minds. Perhaps not the person you're discussing with, and perhaps not there and then. But these are not ephemeral chats in a bar but saved online.
Propaganda works.
You still didn't change their mind
If you and I are debating something and you provide facts or other information that show my position to be the inferior one, I still have to change my mind and embrace your position in order for there to have been a change. I could very easily be stubborn and cling to the inferior position in light of the new information.
Your own comment supports my article. Even with propaganda, you were not the one doing the changing; as you said "people" change their minds. That is the point of my article.
DO YOU HAVE THE WRITE STUFF?
start to change
If I understood your article, you claim we cannot change someone's mind, they can only do so themselves. But ideas are created and propagated by people. Philosophers who have become famous were able to articulate ideas that did not exist before. The people likely to change their minds are those who have rejected one idea but who have not as yet been able to articulate an alternative. In political terms, most elections are decided by the mass of swing voters, not by the entrenched believers. But politics is a narrow field compared to how our minds work. The creation and propagation of ideas is necessary in order for those who are ripe for a change of view to recognise something that they "knew all along". Publishers, for example, are notorious for not knowing what they want but sure when they see it. In market research, prompted and unprompted questions elicit different responses. All of which shows that having propagated an articulated idea can change another person's mind. Of course, some people may stubbornly disagree, or stubbornly agree, whilst for others it may be the start of a change.
Persuasion is showing people their options
If I walk onto a car dealer's lot and engage the salesman in conversation, I can still say "no" regardless of how many different angles he uses to entice me to buy a vehicle. Similarly, I can be so naive about his trying to hook me on a deal that I disengage my critical thinking and believe everything he has to say. No matter what he says, however, I am still the one who must sign my name on the paperwork in order to set the wheels in motion to buy the car.
Unless the salesman physically overpowers me and ties me to a chair, he cannot make me stay, and unless he possesses me and takes control of my Will, he cannot make me sign a contract.
The only thing we can change is ourselves. Like the salesman above, we cannot force a person to do something he or she does not want to do.
DO YOU HAVE THE WRITE STUFF?
@RobinetteDesign | Voting Plan for Those in the Dark Place
Don't worry about who promised which or -about who has a history of what ... just look at their first names. There in the booth, hear someone calling each of them in your head, and see the called candidate and his running-mate arriving to do something; then you'll know which ones to vote for.
No matter who I say I'm going to vote for (Write-in Elizabeth Kucinich!), I'll probably use the plan first-mentioned too.
... but Uncle MythMan still KNOWS you're more awesome than NFL Cheerleaders, yet needs to hear *your* comments on http://is.gd/2s8V http://is.gd/22wY http://is.gd/1fSs http://is.gd/1fRg http://is.gd/1fSe & http://is.gd/1fSj -- Click His Stamp to Discover!
mythman-I may be
a little confused in life right now but have no doubt I know how i'm voting for and NOT voting into office. ;) I'm not that out of it yet. lol
Angel
http://robinettedesign.com
http://robinettedesign.blogspot.com
@veghead> jdubhub | Veggies and TV Dinners
Even the meaty tv-dinners don't REALLY count as 'meat,' right? lol Like 'sin' in Las Vegas?
... but Uncle MythMan still KNOWS you're more awesome than NFL Cheerleaders, yet needs to hear *your* comments on http://is.gd/2s8V http://is.gd/22wY http://is.gd/1fSs http://is.gd/1fRg http://is.gd/1fSe & http://is.gd/1fSj -- Click His Stamp to Discover!
@jdubhub|We at the Poles Are Not Trying to Mono-Pole-Ize
We're not trying to convince people that there's 'no good but just two evils,' 'no left but two rights,' 'no up but two downs,' 'no Smurf but two Gargamels,' or any other non-opposite dual-uno-cracy (except when there is!lol); we're merely stating our levels of latitude, which start to seem like 'arguments' coz they kinda are---arguments against 'ourselves moving further north or -south.'
As the world turns, more- or less light falls upon one's position---revealing why it might not be such a good position for that point in time. And one is moved to defend 'the holding of the position' by stating the untenable negatives of every other position.
For example, my position on this election is that of one who is untouchable by the money-nightstick---a position I keep by remaining alive ... or not. Whatev.
... but Uncle MythMan still KNOWS you're more awesome than NFL Cheerleaders, yet needs to hear *your* comments on http://is.gd/2s8V http://is.gd/22wY http://is.gd/1fSs http://is.gd/1fRg http://is.gd/1fSe & http://is.gd/1fSj -- Click His Stamp to Discover!
TV dinners and Las Vegas? OK . . .
mythman, have I told you lately that you have a truly cryptic mind?
Go vegan!
@veg--Sayin` a Lot in a Little Space, You Have to Leave Some Out
I was talking about the 'Of course'-ness: WHILE YOU'RE IN Las Vegas, you're just goin` with the flow; it's not "sinning" until you're anywhere else ... and then, WHILE YOU'RE EATING the meaty vegetarian meal, ...
---Buddha tells Uncle MythMan, "Flood the Open Eyes with the Truth, for as Long as You Exist!" Help Him Spread the Truth (about stuff) Here!
buddhist thy name is mythman
And while you're in Hell, you're not sinning until you're in Heaven. Everything's relative and there just aren't enough vegan Elvis impersonators to go around . . .
@veghead--Virgin Mary, Married Vegan ... same diff.
Ave- ... -cado, hunk o` hunk o` Avecado with Lime, whatev
---Buddha tells Uncle MythMan, "Flood the Open Eyes with the Truth, for as Long as You Exist!" Help Him Spread the Truth (about stuff) Here!
and mythman, vegan vegas mares eat gold oats
And speaking of hunk o' hunk o', is non-hunky John McCain the dumbest dude on the planet? Not only could he never pass as an Elvis impersonator, his one "brilliant" idea yesterday was to suspend all corporate taxes to take care of the meltdown. Yeah, we need more of that guy's ideas in the White House (not).
@veg--"Unless a Grain of Wheat Shall Fall ... and I Create ..."
"... the Spoiler to Destroy."
I forget what Fannie and Freddie even DO! I don't need them, you? Just Get Back to Work!
(Maybe that's a 'sheeple'-mentality, but it's a good one to keep if you're not one of the elected leaders---and also a good one to remember to 'seem to have' if you ARE an elected leader!)
---Buddha tells Uncle MythMan, "Flood the Open Eyes with the Truth, for as Long as You Exist!" Help Him Spread the Truth (about stuff) Here!