When the debates are over, when the shouting and posturing is done, when the voices have fallen silent, what is the only thing we can change? Can we change the other person? No. Can we change the political parties? No. Can we change the social fabric of the country? No. Can we alter the course of human events? No. No. No.

Well, what then? What can we change? If you haven't yet figured out where this article is going, then I would suggest you walk to the nearest mirror. Look into the mirror and meet the eyes of the person in the reflection. That is what you can change.

Picture a large dinner plate sitting in front of you. Now, picture a button from your shirt sitting in the middle of the plate. The plate represents what is known as your Circle of Concern. The button represents what is known as your Circle of Influence. This comparison shows what you want to change will always be much larger than what you can change.

What does that tell us? For me, it means "stop trying so hard to change what you cannot hope to change". Keep your focus on that smaller but no less important Circle of Influence. Think about what goes in there.

• Can you help what other people think about you? No. But, you can control what you think about yourself.
• Can you make everyone like you? No, but you can read some books, journal, and meditate on how to make you like yourself, which is the first and most important step in creating an atmosphere where other people can like you.
• Can you make other people stop doing stupid things? No, but you can change how you respond to their perceived inconsiderations.
• Can you make your employer pay you more money? No, but you can do your job, even if you don't like it all the time, and put yourself in a position to be rewarded with more pay or possibly finding a job with better pay and benefits.
• Can you make your family love you? No, but you can work on making yourself lovable and more loving, a better communicator, and more understanding of the other members of your family.
• Can you bring world peace? No, but you can put your own life in order and send that positive energy into the world to work in harmony with other people doing the same thing and that will bring world peace.

The fact of the matter is the only way to change the world is to change ourselves. If each of us takes care of ourselves first, since that is the one relationship we carry with us everywhere we go, then we will be in a better position to work with everyone else with whom we come in contact every day.

Stop trying so hard to change what you cannot and you will find that many things that used to drive you crazy during the day and frustrate you no end no longer seem important. Stay on this path long enough and you will wonder why you ever spent energy on trying to do the impossible and you will be grateful not only for the change but also for knowing the difference.