Have you ever walked down the street, minding your own business, enjoying the beautiful autumn day? Then out of nowhere, a stranger snickers and says to you, "Hey buddy, your shoe's untied." How embarrassing. Onlookers assume you're mentally challenged, or maybe just bad at tying knots. (So what if you were never an Eagle Scout.) They'll point and giggle at the stupid man-child that can't keep his laces bound together. You'll quickly fasten them, crimson face and all, and be on your way. For the rest of the day, you feel dejected. Your self-esteem plummets.

Fear not my friends. This depressing scenario can be avoided.

I've come to the conclusion that we need more Velcro shoes in the world. Think about how much better your life would be. Did you know that if you spend just ten seconds every day tying or untying shoes, you will lose about 70 hours of your life by the time you reach 75 years old. (That's assuming you didn't know how to tie your own shoes before age five.) Imagine what you could do with an extra 70 hours! You can drive from Florida to Alaska, nonstop. You can work for almost two full weeks. You could even watch three or four baseball games.

Have you ever known Velcro to come undone all by itself when you're walking through the mall? It happens with laces. More wasted time. What if your laces are too tight or too loose? You're either cutting off circulation to your foot, or your shoe comes completely off and there you are, embarrassed once again while hundreds of shoppers stare at your pathetic display of ineptitude. So now you have to untie them and start over. But not only will Velcro shoes save you time and safeguard you from multiple therapy sessions, it could save your life, or at least keep you from seriously injuring yourself.

Do you remember what your parents always told you? We've all seen what happens when someone walks down a flight of stairs with their laces dangling freely. Now imagine if that person happened to be on an escalator. What tragedy! Their entire leg could be consumed by the menacing steel teeth at the end of the ride. Are you willing to potentially sacrifice your lower extremities just to look sophisticated? And don't forget about the inconvenience of having the laces from each shoe mysteriously tie themselves together. You'd have to take three inch steps to your next destination.

Children have figured it out. They wear Velcro shoes because they understand how precious play time is. If they do happen to be wearing shoes with laces and they suddenly come untied, they won't stop to fix it. Kids would rather risk their lives than give up invaluable seconds that they may need later in life. The same goes for our senior citizens. They get a new pair of Velcro shoes and it's as if they've discovered the wheel. Nobody needs to explain how much easier it is for them to simply fold over a couple of flaps instead of bending over for a few seconds at their fragile hips, fumbling to tie laces with their arthritic hands. Think of all the medical problems that could be eliminated.

We need to take a page out of the books of these children and seniors. We need to stop giving in to "Big" Shoe Laces and their rich, corporate CEO's and start buying safer, self-esteem boosting, life and time-saving Velcro. Now that I'm thinking about it...YES! I've got it! Here's what we need to do in order to save the world and all of the...oh, damn it! My shoe's untied.