Stop Wasting Your Time
Stop Wasting Your Time
Have you ever walked down the street, minding your own business, enjoying the beautiful autumn day? Then out of nowhere, a stranger snickers and says to you, "Hey buddy, your shoe's untied." How embarrassing. Onlookers assume you're mentally challenged, or maybe just bad at tying knots. (So what if you were never an Eagle Scout.) They'll point and giggle at the stupid man-child that can't keep his laces bound together. You'll quickly fasten them, crimson face and all, and be on your way. For the rest of the day, you feel dejected. Your self-esteem plummets.
Fear not my friends. This depressing scenario can be avoided.
I've come to the conclusion that we need more Velcro shoes in the world. Think about how much better your life would be. Did you know that if you spend just ten seconds every day tying or untying shoes, you will lose about 70 hours of your life by the time you reach 75 years old. (That's assuming you didn't know how to tie your own shoes before age five.) Imagine what you could do with an extra 70 hours! You can drive from Florida to Alaska, nonstop. You can work for almost two full weeks. You could even watch three or four baseball games.
Have you ever known Velcro to come undone all by itself when you're walking through the mall? It happens with laces. More wasted time. What if your laces are too tight or too loose? You're either cutting off circulation to your foot, or your shoe comes completely off and there you are, embarrassed once again while hundreds of shoppers stare at your pathetic display of ineptitude. So now you have to untie them and start over. But not only will Velcro shoes save you time and safeguard you from multiple therapy sessions, it could save your life, or at least keep you from seriously injuring yourself.
Do you remember what your parents always told you? We've all seen what happens when someone walks down a flight of stairs with their laces dangling freely. Now imagine if that person happened to be on an escalator. What tragedy! Their entire leg could be consumed by the menacing steel teeth at the end of the ride. Are you willing to potentially sacrifice your lower extremities just to look sophisticated? And don't forget about the inconvenience of having the laces from each shoe mysteriously tie themselves together. You'd have to take three inch steps to your next destination.
Children have figured it out. They wear Velcro shoes because they understand how precious play time is. If they do happen to be wearing shoes with laces and they suddenly come untied, they won't stop to fix it. Kids would rather risk their lives than give up invaluable seconds that they may need later in life. The same goes for our senior citizens. They get a new pair of Velcro shoes and it's as if they've discovered the wheel. Nobody needs to explain how much easier it is for them to simply fold over a couple of flaps instead of bending over for a few seconds at their fragile hips, fumbling to tie laces with their arthritic hands. Think of all the medical problems that could be eliminated.
We need to take a page out of the books of these children and seniors. We need to stop giving in to "Big" Shoe Laces and their rich, corporate CEO's and start buying safer, self-esteem boosting, life and time-saving Velcro. Now that I'm thinking about it...YES! I've got it! Here's what we need to do in order to save the world and all of the...oh, damn it! My shoe's untied.
Submitted by - Fashion & Style |
- shoes |
- Shopping malls |
- therapy |
- Velcro |
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That's pretty funny. I'm
That's pretty funny. I'm going to the mall tomorrow for some of that cool velcro!
That's a lot of wasted time.
I've never really thought of that. 70 hours? I'm not a big fan of velcro, but it was a great article. I needed a good laugh. It's a little different from your other 'xombytes'. Maybe we'll see more of these in the future.
Velcro = date killer
One problem with this is that velcro is just not considered cool, probably because it's so closely associated with toddlers and old folks. Imagine you're on a date, it's going well, you're back at the apartment starting to undress, and then your date hears the distinctive riiippp of velcro being undone.
Your date might well walk out laughing and snickering, and then you'll have to spend even more time and money finding someone else to go out with. Unless, of course, you know that your potential significant other is someone who appreciates the time-efficiency of velcro. Maybe Match.com and the like could put a question in their profiles so users could state their preference for velcro.
If velcro becomes more accepted, who knows... maybe the next time MTV interviews presidential candidates, instead of asking "Boxers or briefs?" they'll ask, "Velcro or laces?"
Let's start a Velcro trend.
I've been reading Malcolm Gladwell, and I think I've got the ingredients for a Velcro revolution.
First, some cool kids need to start wearing them in Manhattan. (Maybe Austin will suffice; I'll give it a shot.)
Next, a handful of well-connected mavens need to spread the word to the powers that be in the fashion world.
Then some sharp-minded shoe company will come out with a line of Velcro shoes that don't remind us of five-year-olds or nursing homes.
Hey, if it worked for Hush Puppies, it can work for anything.
Velcro: the new Tommy?
Lysandra, you may be onto something. Remember when Tommy Hilfiger stuff was just worn by the preppy set, then the company gave some of their gear to Snoop Dogg and he wore it on Saturday Night Live... all of a sudden the hip-hop crowd started wearing these preppy Tommy duds. Maybe if Outkast or Black-Eyed Peas start wearing velcro it'd become hip.
"Don't waste your time, or time will waste you."
Antonia Dwells
Rip-cord clashing while crashing.
I'd never want to be seen jumping out of a plane
wearing white after Labor Day.
This post is actually about
This post is actually about Velcro. There is no hidden message here. Try not to over-think it. I do agree that hybrids are pretty dorky. I would rather be caught dead wearing Velcro shoes.
I had to throw that in to
I had to throw that in to stir emotion in my "hate corporate America" readers. Sorry about the confusion.
feedback
Do you own velcro stock Pub? OK, velcro shoes won't come untied. But, what happens when little stands of fuzz collect between the hooks(or is it the loops)? Or when the velcro becomes so worn that it no longer stays together? You can spend an evening with a pair of tweezers picking lint out from between the velcro, but what do you suggest about the latter, safety pins? Replacement?
I've had to relegate many good pairs of velcro shoes to house slippers or "fishing shoes" when the velcro gave out. Yes I agree, laces require much upkeep, but economically they make more sence. Everytime I see some teenage idiot walk around w/untied laces, I hope he trips. See? If everyone wore velco shows, we'd be deprived of that comic scene.
Finally, in the context of your post, I feel that "... 75 years of age..." just sounds more natural than "...75 years old..."
I realize what you wrote is faster, but every time I encounter it, I want to climb a clock tower.
Well, if your Velcro doesn't
Well, if your Velcro doesn't work anymore, get new shoes. Usually they're pretty cheap if they're Velcro. If they aren't, get them anyway...all that time you save is worth the extra money. Thanks for the suggestion about "of age", but I'll stick with "years old."
Cara's take on velcro...
As a shoe conoisseur, owning upwards of 100 pairs, I must say I only own two pairs of sneakers. One pair is actually used for working out - my Adidas shelltops. The laces have been replaced several times and the current laces are far too short hence they come undone all the time making the sneakers a death trap. I am constantly tripping, falling, twisting, flailing about... This is why I now use shopping and beer pong for cardio instead.
I find nothing wrong with velcro, Pub. In fact, in light of your revolution, I feel compelled to go to the fabric store after work today and purchase yards of it witht he intention of fashioning all sorts of newfangled velcro-inspired garments. Why stop at footwear?
Cara, do you think we should
Cara, do you think we should do away with buttons and zippers? Those can be just as dangerous and almost as time consuming. Remember 'There's Something About Mary'? I think that's a good idea. I'll have to get out my calculator again and do some time-saving analysis.
can we call you Imelda now Cara ?
I was thinking to myself " how much does a girl with 100 pairs of shoes really work out ". You know, kind of a clash on priorities there lol and then you honestly answered about shopping and beer pong. Well i'm sure that'll work just as well. So I'm curious Cara, are you a Smith Haven girl or a Walt Whitman or Roosavelt girl ? Everyone else is going, huh ?
We Long Islanders know the deal.
wow, lots of comments on
wow, lots of comments on here and i'm too lazy to read them all, so sorry if this has been said before but...
i have a pair of tiva sandles that have velcro straps. and sadly the velcro just doesn't last that long. not nearly as long as shoe laces do. that would be my problem w/ velcro. and once the velcro stops working it's a pain to get them replaced.