My brother had a fat tom cat, being the young fool he was at the time, he named it after a character on TV called “Alan B’stard” who was played by a comedian by the name of Rik Mayall in a show called The New Statesman.

B’stard was your average, “out all night” tom cat, he was wise, savvy but often came home with minor injuries as a result of various fights he got into with the other local cats.

Time went by and B’stard got quite fat, my brother considered his diet and switched the cat over to a diet brand. Maybe it was to be expected, he was no longer a young cat, though he did start to wonder as to the cats health as he was still an active cat, rarely home some weeks, he could go out on the prowl for a day or two sometimes, he started to question the cat’s metabolic rate.

More time went by and B’stard did not loose an ounce, in fact, it appeared he had gained a couple more pounds, developed a wobble and would huff and leave as soon as his bowl was empty.

A job came up for my brother to work in central London, not a place to take an outdoor cat like B’stard, being used to a small housing estate and open fields, he would not be acclimatized to the busy streets of London.

So, my brother went to ask around is neighbors to see if anybody wanted to keep him. He felt the best thing for B’stard was to let him live out his life in his familiar area.

It turned out that B’stard had several names, he had a number of permanent homes, and a number of homes where he was an occasional dinner guest. It seemed that B’stard was very popular on the street boasting numerous addresses and “owners” already.

All my brother was doing was being simple another one of those owners, he was no more special to B’stard than any one of his neighbors who took the kitty-cat to be theirs.

While my brother worried about the cats health, B'stard was living like a king, eating several extra dinners a day, all served up by his multitude of personal human servants.

Needless to say, my brother called off his hunt for a new home for B’stard, and simple packed and left.