There were many times over the past two years where I was Convinced that the light at the end of my tunnel was an extremely large train, but I'm here to tell you that even if it IS and even if that metaphorical train Hits you...you can Still climb outta of the hole alive and well. Anyway, the point here is that for the first time in my life, stress was affecting me physically. Some of the symptoms I experienced: loss of appetite, poor sleep or insomnia, increased stomach acid, burned mouth and throat from increased stomach acid, forgetfulness, depression, increased emotional response, indecision, back and neck pain, fatigue, bizarre rashes, and a dramatic decrease in health. That last was the most startling to me in some ways, because even though I'd feel better mentally and emotionally, quite obviously my body was still responding to the stress. Suddenly, I was catching every little sniffle that went through town and a shaving cut would take 3 times longer to heal. It's Amazing the kind of involuntary responses that your body can inflict upon you!

Whatever personal stresses you are experiencing, it seems as though we are All living through increasingly stressful times. All you have to do is turn on the news to see what I mean there! For several years now, I've talked with a variety of friends all over the world, and Everyone seems to be seeing or experiencing a general increase in negative actions, emotions, and ideas. I live in the US... So, Please, believe me when I say that I Know how extremely difficult it can be in today's world where it seems like so few people care about anything but themselves, to stay positive, to Not respond in kind.

That's why I'm here, sharing this with anyone who cares to take the time. I Know what it feels like to despair, not only for myself, but for all of Us. It's hard enough to deal with your personal stresses without having to deal with the brutual fact that it isn't just your or your family... Every good person out, people you will never meet in your lifetime, is facing the same overwhelming odds that you are and that is very disheartening. I'm here to tell you though that Pandora's Gift, Hope, still remains at the bottom of everything. Despite it all, I was shown many times over that there Are good people out there, and that even though I may never know the 'why' of it all.... everything, Everything happens for a reason. So, I wanted to share with you these thoughts and experiences and especially the things that have kept me sane throughout the darkest time in my life.

Top Ten Things That Keep Me Positive and Sane

1. Crying.. a Lot, lol. The most purging tool given to us. It'll exhaust you, but you'll be better for it.

2. Religion/Prayer: Whatever your beliefs, turn to them and ask your God to support you during your trials. You Will be answered. I can almost gaurantee that you won't get the answer you Thought you were looking for, lol, but you will get help and support if you ask for it. Taking just five minutes out of my day, by myself, to prayerfully meditate, and be thankful kept me from sliding off the edge of sanity more times than I care to remember.

3. Increasing exercise and improving diet: For the first time in 36 years, stress was affecting me physically. Besides symptoms I've already mentioned, I noticed things like minor bruises or cuts wouldn't heal, fatigue had me by the throat, and I was catching every cold or sickness that went through town. I began researching diet and it's impact on stress. This, coupled with a steady 20-30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week, made a Huge difference.

4. Stress-free time spent with Loved Ones: Laughing with my daughters at the local swimming hole, taking a walk through the woods with my husband, laughing over old memories with my mother, and loads of hugs will go a Long way towards healing heart and soul. Even if it seems like a waste of time when you've a million responsibilities to attend to, Take the Time! If you can't stop long enough to enjoy the best things in your life... what are you working for?

5. Holidays: Giving myself time away, completely removed from the situation, did wonders for my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being. Basically, my friends who lived further away took turns kidnapping me just to get me out of town and away from all that stress. Bless their hearts. I didn't have to go far, spend loads of money or even be gone very long either.

6. Music: When nothing else could reach me, there was music. Whether it was something angry like Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff" or "Re-Arranged", Papa Roach's "Scars", Godsmack's "Serenity", Greenday's "Jackass", HIM's "Funeral of Hearts", or even just some Mozart... Music was vital in soothing my soul. I wouldn't be here to share my tale with you if it weren't for this marvelously evocative form of art! "Music tames the savage breast" is all too true. I could crank up the volume and just loose myself in the music, sing my pain out with the lyrics. In fact, I took my husband to the 11th annual Ozzfest for his birthday this year Just because I had found music to be such a comfort and emotional release throughout all of this ordeal. It did wonders for us both. We woke up the next day feeling 10 years younger...sore, but 10 years younger, lol.

7. Writing: When the stress first started to show signs of affecting me, suddenly it was extremely difficult to concentrate or remember. A common self-defense technique that your body will impose on you is forgetfulness, which, ironically, really only serves to cause More stress nowadays, lol. So, I started keeping a journal again. I quickly found that the old release of simply writing about all that was going on, internally and externally, was like working a particularly large, somewhat infected splinter out of my soul.

8. Nature: Even when things were at their worst and I would look around at humanity and shudder with revulsion... the simple beauty of a sunset would make me grateful to still be alive. Spending time amongst the trees and fields restored strength and inner calm, until I could once again look at the people around me with a clear eye. Solitude is something that most people avoid, but it definitely has it's time and place. Appreciating the unspoiled and simple things, like Nature, kept me from the Wrong kind of solitude too, the brooding withdrawal from humanity kind.

9. Long Talks with Friends: When the more internal balm of writing failed me, it was time to take all my troubles and doubts outside of myself and begin discussing them with trusted friends. I didn't expect answers from them, just a listening ear and true friends are Always willing to take the time to listen to you. There is no better way to put things back into a reasonable perspective than to talk things over with your friends. If they're like my friends, they'll know you better than you thought and be relieved to just Be there for you when you obviously need it most.

10. Meditation/Time Alone: #8 was about allowing yourself to appreciate the good and simple things in life. This is about taking the time to sit and consciously taking the time to empty your mind of all thoughts, good or bad. To sit quiet and empty, concentrating on nothing more complex than your breathing. If you never allow yourself time to empty, than you're still carrying it all around with you and eventually it will drag you right over the edge. This one really should be higher on my list, but I never seem to leave enough time for just myself. Ah well, room for improvement, eh? lol

So, as the dust settles I look around and what do I see? A world not as bad as it seemed from the other end of that dark tunnel. A new home where the landlady actually took the time to not only set out useful things we might need, like cleaners or toilet paper... but took every effort to make us feel welcome in our new home by filling the house with the scent of apples and spices, and hanging a wreath on the door to greet us. I see a loving family made stronger and closer by surviving the many trials of the past three years.

I see that I have learned (or re-learned) many important lessons too. No matter how much you love someone you can't help them if they don't believe they have a problem. I also learned that despite the uphill work, despite the heartwrenching moments it is well worth it to simply do what is right because it is the right thing to do. That IS it's own reward and while it may not always be enough to hold back the darkness... in the end it is the only thing that matters. Because somewhere out there will be someone just like you trying just as hard and despairing and it just might be your turn to encourage them along this hard road. Better to turn towards healing than cruelty, forgiveness rather than bitterness, and Love will always be more worthy than Hate. Remember to allow yourself time to grieve but give yourself permission to enjoy feeling better too.

Most importantly I learned just how vital it is to stay focused and accept the Truth for what it is, whatever your situation. It has taken me all of my life to accept the simple fact that there are many and varied predatory people out there, and to them things like Kindness, Generousity, Respect for fellow man, Forgiveness, Understanding, or Tolerance are, in cold fact, like blood in the water to the sharks of our society. They actively look for these things like the lion watching for the newest born in the herd and will exploit these weaknesses to bring you down. Truly good people cannot even imagine how such things can be turned against them...but they can. Better to accept that truth and move on than blind yourself to it.

I caution you, Dear Reader. Do not fall into the trap of thinking, "No one else seems to care, why should I?" It is All too easy to pull away from what causes us pain, even if we know it is for a good cause. There will be countless people who will try to undermine you simply because they are envious of the good way you live your life. They may not even realize that this is what they are doing, because, after all, who would want to believe themselves capable of such a thing? They will rationalize it any way they can or even ignore the Truth, and in many ways these folks are more dangerous than those who are outright predators! Nonetheless, they are a definite liability, a weakness through which the chain of kindness and generousity can be broken.

Love them if you will, but do not put your trust in them for they cannot help but let you down. In the end though, the last ones standing, those who do not allow themselves to be beaten down, will be the only ones in this world to offer their hand to a brother or sister who has fallen and can't get up again alone. Which would you rather be? Predator, liability, fallen or a hand up? I'll be praying for you, and perhaps you will find this prayer as useful as I have in harder moments. I found this version on a site called purifymind...

Kuan Yin's Prayer for the Abuser

To those who withhold refuge,
I cradle you in safety at the core of my Being.
To those that cause a child to cry out,
I grant you the freedom to express your own choked agony.
To those that inflict terror,
I remind you that you shine with the purity of a thousand suns.
To those who would confine, suppress, or deny,
I offer the limitless expanse of the sky.
To those who need to cut, slash, or burn,
I remind you of the invincibility of Spring.
To those who cling and grasp,
I promise more abundance than you could ever hold onto.
To those who vent their rage on small children,
I return to you your deepest innocence.
To those who must frighten into submission,
I hold you in the bosom of your original mother.
To those who cause agony to others,
I give the gift of free flowing tears.
To those that deny another's right to be,
I remind you that the angels sang in celebration of you on the day of your birth.
To those who see only division and separateness,
I remind you that a part is born only by bisecting a whole.
For those who have forgotten the tender mercy of a mother's embrace,
I send a gentle breeze to caress your brow.
To those who still feel somehow incomplete,
I offer the perfect sanctity of this very moment.

Wishing You Laughter and Healing