I drank tonight. I drank and I wish I hadn't. When i first picked up the bottle, it was a pleasurable experience. I was a lightweight, a "cheap-drunk" as they called me. I just needed a little and it was fun. I could let loose and express myself freely and not care what people thought. Now when I drink I get angry and sad. I yell at people, and all the hidden feelings come out in a negative way. I pick fights and argue about everything. I become needy and pathetic and it disgusts me. You would think I would have learned my lesson by then, right? No. Instead, some ludicris idea comes into my head that drinking more will make things better. A few more shots, and I'll forget about feeling crappy. I just never seem to learn. I'm sitting here in my room in the dark thinking... thinking about cutting back. The 151 is in the other room now. The night's drinking is over. And I'm safe... until tomorrow night.