What does a person need to help alleviate boredom on a day when you have only satellite television a few dollars, they get creative. So to set the scene for you my friend Rob and I were sitting at work on a slow day and started to go through the channels on the Satellite and found the international stations. Sure the news from Afghanistan was fun a few a fun minutes and the soccer game in German really lack the excitement we were looking for and then we stumbled across the holy grail of boredom. TV Japan has this wonderful show in the late afternoon that is just Sumo wrestling match after wrestling match.
Now I am going on the assumption that you probably haven’t see many sumo wrestling match so I will try and paint a picture for you. It is usually two of I say three hundred pound Asian guys running into each other at full speed trying to knock each other out of the circle or knocking the other one down. Now sure, from my description this may not seem like the greatest of excitement. However let me explain to you the four reasons that makes sport an event not to be missed. The first is the history of this graceful sport, sure I can’t understand Japanese but I am sure this sport has rich ancient history. I mean they have to be bowing and throwing rice for a good reason, right? The second is the pageantry of the event, even the in the uncreative way it is broadcast. You can see the fans decked out in the these bright and amazingly colored kimonos with huge decorated flags. The third is the amazing athleticism that these large dinosaur like men display on this battlefield of flab. The fourth and most American of reason is the fact that is easy to bet on.
Oh it started innocently enough where Rob thought the extremely fat guy was going was going to wipe the walls with the not quite so fat guy. But I could see the spark in the little fella’s eyes, I could see the fight in him so I bet on him with the all important quarter and Sumo betting was born. Now as the day flew bye with each match we would choose our horse and cheered him on. After a few matches a small group of fellow coworkers had gathered around to see what the yelling was about. Side bets broke out and of course fun ensued for everyone but the losers.
Now in my time of my sumo addiction I became a pretty good judge of talent and I because I am a man who enjoys a good challenge I will share some of my secrets. When sizing up the two combatants the first thing you should do is well size up the combatants. Check to see if there is a drastic difference in their sizes and remember just because one is bigger does not mean the best. The smaller guy can be much quicker and if his arms are as big as his legs, that is a huge plus. You must look deep into his eyes and see if you can see the eye of the tiger staring back into you. The most important factor in choosing the sumo who brings the money home, in my infinite wisdom, is which color of his twisted tightie whites you prefer. Now I am partial to guys in green they are the color of money and seem to always bring it home to big daddy. Yes, even you can call yourself big daddy when you are gambling, it is one of the rights of being a big idiot. So why pick up that book, or do some gardening, or even clean the house when the world of satellite television can provide you with so much culture and fast cash.