Super Villain Dad….

To my dearest neighbor Super Villain Dad. What is your major malfunction? Are you a Gemini? Do you have split personalities? Maybe an alter ego? I don’t know, but you have a major problem.

You wake up at 5:30 in the morning bellowing at your children who are only no more than 5-6 yrs old. You get angry for them jumping on your bed, but only after chasing them around your apartment and playing hide and go seek with them. You spank them for putting their shoes on the wrong feet, but only after you’ve put their underwear on their head and so cleverly called them “Underwear head”. How do I know these things you ask?? Well, our walls in our apartment complex are thinner than paper themselves. I don’t need my alarm clock to wake me up for work, I just need your early morning mood swings to wake me up. YES, I can hear EVERYTHING. I can hear you snoring throughout the night almost as if you’re in my bed. I can hear you taking a crap in the middle of the night. Hell, I hear your most private conversations with you and your wife. It’s not that I’m eaves dropping at all. I work in my room on music and movie scripts. Sometimes I need quiet but don’t get it because of you.
Now I know you’ve realized exactly how thin these walls are because you’ve called the damn police on me for the simplest things. You’ve called the cops on me for EQ’ing my music at 8 o’clock at night, and the volume was at an 8 out of 30. Keep in mind this was on a Saturday night. You’ve called the cops on my children and I for watching Shrek 2 at 7:30 at night on a school night and I don’t have surround sound or any type of Speaker attatched to my TV. HELL, you’ve called the cops on me and my roommate for having a discussion in the living room with a friend and his girlfriend on the way out the door and said we were having a party.

With all of that being said, you will see me outside on my way to work and smile with a great big “Good Morning” as if nothing has ever happened. I’m not sure if you’re doing this to spite me? Is it because you’re fat, old, and missing teeth and wish you could look like me? Or do you just have a problem with an alternate personality? I have no ideal. But I’ll tell you what……

I am moving out of here in 2 ½ weeks and guess what??? Every morning at 5:30 in the morning, I’m calling the damn cops on you. You’re too loud. And on Saturday’s… I’m calling them more than once. If you so much as make a sound before Noon, the cops will be bangin’ on ya door. I really don’t care anymore. If you wanna handle this on the street, then please see me in the parking lot on the way to work, or I can gladly come to your door with the “ Daddy’s pissed off and has his belt” type @$$ whoopin that you deserve…..

Sincerely,
Your irritated, annoyed, frustrated, soon to be violent neighbor next door….