Take a single Dad add Five children and cancer and what do you get ? Heroes!

Raising children is one of the most rewarding endeavors this life has to offer. It can also be one of the most frustrating, heart wrenching, emotional basket case creating experiences as well.

I know from my own experience. You see my wife I married back in 1984. I was 25 and she was a mere 19. We found out we were expecting our first child. Although this was not planned we We were both very surprised and initially reacted quite different. I was elated! I was so excited that I couldn't keep my mouth shut as promised and within thirty minutes all my co-workers and most of my family were celebrating the news.

On the other hand my girlfriend soon to be wife was a freshman in college and had planned on getting a degree in accounting. This was obviously going to change her career plans up a bit. Well two weeks later I was married to the most wonderful,beautiful, funny, intelligent etc... woman in the world. I soon discovered her greatest gift had yet to be seen. That gift was being a Mom. You see her mom died from breast cancer when she was only two years old. Her dad never remarried so she and her older sister grew up without a mom. You might think then how was she such a good mom with no example? Easy, she remembered all the things she always wanted and wished she had in a mother, and did not have. That's what she gave to our children and who she became.

Moving ahead a bit by 1994 she was 28 years old and I was 34. She had given birth to 3 more children giving us a total of four. Two girls then a boy and then then another girl. She was pregnant with our fifth child when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. In April of 1996 she' just like her mom died at the age of 32.

My world was turned upside down and the love of my life was gone. I had 5 children that were 10,8,6,4, and 2. Whats a young man to do? Well like many men do I in the midst of great grief and confusion was shortly caught up in a new relationship with a girl much younger than myself who was a single mom.

Ten months after my wife died I married this young lady. Three months later guess what? Yep number six was on the way. He was born in January of 1998. In January of 1999 my 2nd born daughter who was eleven was diagnosed with Adrenal cortical carcinoma's. A rare incurable childhood cancer of the adrenal gland. She went to be with her mom in November of 1999.

The day after her funeral wife number two had done her best but this was all to much for her. She left us , including our son for a less stressful life. This was a very dark and difficult time for all of us. I might also mention while all this was going on my 15 year old nephew was killed in a car accident, my brother turned forty in the hospital while in a coma brought on by a massive overdose of morphine and died, and my Dad and step dad both died. One from cancer the other a heart attack.

Now I say all this not to get your sympathy or to cause you to feel sorry for us. My point in bring all this up in an article that is suppose to be about children and child rearing is that if this hell raising ex-heroin addict who had only been sober a few years when he got married can do it so can you! Yes that is my point. I have been raising five Children alone for the past 12 years.

My oldest daughter graduated from Texas Tech University on May 10th 2008. Next my 18 year old son just finished his freshman year at the University of Notre Dame. He made the Deans Honor role. He came home for a few weeks and while he was here he wrote and produced his first ever original song with a childhood friend down the street. It is absolutely awesome and I am confident many of you will eventually hear it on the radio.

My 16 year old daughter will be a senior this year in high school. She is a beautiful intelligent young lady with an A -B average in a very good public school.

The baby from my first wife is now 14 and will be a freshman in High school. She too is a very beautiful young lady with mostly straight A report cards her whole life. My youngest from my second wife is a 10 year old boy with a smile as big as his heart and also a well behaved A student.

So you say whats my secret? Well guess what there is no secret. What I have done, and I say I, but what I mean or should say is we, meaning their mom while she was here, and my family, friends, and neighbors that have helped us over the years is loved them. That would be my first point of advice. If you as a man or woman are not sure if you want children please don't have them until you are sure you want them.

You see for me it has been in some ways a real challenge but in many more it has been the joy of my life and is what I love doing. I breifly mentioned I was a ex-herion addict. Thats a whole other book but for now its safe to say I did not grow up in the best of homes. My parents divorced when I was eight. My siblings a sister and two brothers (I am the baby) and I moved to a new area with my mom and for the 2 years she was single things got out of control and were never brought back into control.

So I had always thought and knew if I ever had kids I did not want them to grow up as I did feeling unloved and unwanted. I also knew I did not want them to suffer the consequences of never learning to obey or respect authority and the consequences of growing up as a cool gangsta as they call it these days.

I know the damage drugs, crime and living a undisciplined life can do. Having suffered and still reaping the consequences of my former life. I have made sacrifices to be with my kids and not always climbed the career ladder for the next big promotion or pay raise if it meant traveling or more time away from home.

We have struggled financially for the past 12 years. I have had the unfortunate experience of teaching them how to be resourceful by using the welfare system for food and medical care. We live in area where the average income is around $85,000.00 a year. I have done my part to bring that average way down. My Children know I love them. They also know that if I say no I mean it. They also know if I say "if you do this, then I will do this" and I mean it.
Having said that am I 100% consistent? Duh! of course not I am a single dad who was once a partying mad man and some say I still am at least mad. I have made many mistakes. However, I have admitted it to them and many times had to apologize and ask them to forgive me.

I try to be very real with them. They also have grown up attending church. Not perfect attendance but enough to know its important to me and should be to them.

Why am I writing this article? Not to brag about myself and what a great job I have done, because the truth is they are the ones who are great! They are the ones I am so proud of. They are my heroes.

When tragedy struck our family again and again. Oh did I mention my son , the 18 year old at Notre Dame, was diagnosed with bone cancer in march of 2005? Sorry but I guess that one slipped by because all we had to do was go through a summer of him receiving seven inpatient doses of chemotherapy and a major surgery to remove his tumor and a portion of his shin.
He is doing great! He and all of my children are my heroes. When their mother died I told them we could easily use this as an excuse for failure as a family and as individuals. We could use this as an excuse to escape reality through various means. However, I said that's not what we are going to do. That is not the kind of family we are and not the kind of people we are.

I said we are survivors and survivors do not quit and they never give up. No matter what! Guess what? They believed me and have proved my statement to be true!If it were not for them I many times wonder if I would be a survivor. They have kept me accountable, given back to me 5 times plus the love I have given them.

Now that they are growing up they are requiring lees attention yet giving back so much. So for those of you who are considering children. I hope you will consider it carefully. If you decide to have children understand your commitment is for the rest of your life and treat it that way.I can promise the rewards far out weigh any of the difficulties you may encounter along the way.

If you already have them and are struggling I hope this will encourage you in some way. Your not alone. As someone once said "kids,they keep you on your toes and on your knee's.

I got to go my daughter just informed my my time is up on the computer!