So I wanted to stop and take a minute to talk about something serious. Typically, when I do this people tend to tune out. I guess because thinking about serious things is a buzz kill. Well serious thoughts are just as important as bullshit. Of course I'll add some humorous quips to make it more entertaining, but this is not all fun and games. Anyway...I've come up with a list of a few points that are worth noting to become a happier person and realize your potential. Keep in mind that I am no therapist, psychologist or even a specialist of any kind. I'm just practicing at being a self-made prophet. I hope what I have found will help you as well.

1. Acceptance and Self Acceptance

First thing is first. Do not confuse acceptance with settling. At first glance, it may sound the same, but if you look more closely it's different. I've heard people say, "I want this, but I don't want to settle." They are not synonyms!!!!!!!! Acceptance, by definition, is the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable. It's a more positive way to perceive things if you view them as adequate. Settling in this context is accepting something as it is when you don't want it to be that way. Well let me tell you that if something is not working for you, you don't have to take that deal. Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to drop it all together. You always have options. Whether it is a right or wrong decision depends on your intuition and the environment the problem takes place in. There is only perception.

Keep in mind that working toward unrealistic goals and falling short is disheartening. Everyone knows this. However, you are not a bad person if you fail. Perfectionism is the reason why we've built up a resistance to acceptance. In my opinion, perfectionism is just as terrible as depression (of which it can be a proxy for), but is less noticeable without close observation. We've all heard that we're not perfect and never will be. That can be hard to swallow, but if we forget that more joy can be found in the journey than the destination we become less fixated on scheduling our time on success, devaluing the learning experience in failure, and undercutting ourselves.

When you fail, you found a solution that doesn't work. Now it is time to keep trying to find something that does. That is true growth. We wouldn't have modern technology if everyone before us gave up on their beliefs.

Promise that you will never be your own enemy. You still have a choice to believe or not believe what you say to yourself. As the saying goes, "If you say something long enough and loud enough people will begin to believe it." So make it positive when you do.

Practice non-judgmental behavior towards yourself (and to others).

2. Self Validate

Another component to perfectionism is its calculated way of positioning us to be dependent on the approval of others "to survive." Well you're not going to die if people don't like you or what you say. (At least I hope no one kills you for it) When you were a small child, did you need the approval of your friends or your girlfriend/boyfriend to keep living? No. Not at all. You did need the love and warmth of your parents or guardians to survive, but they gave that to you because of who you are. If they didn't give that to you then they were terrible caregivers and that is not your fault.

Being comfortable with yourself and saying what you want as long as it's tactful works the best.
In fact, I've found that people will respect you more for not being so agreeable. It sends the message that you are comfortable with yourself or that you're comfortable with the relationship you have that the person to tell them something they either don't want to hear or something no one else would tell them. Though this can be difficult. Some people aren't equipped with a thick skin so be careful how you express your opinion. People, no matter who they are, are incredibly insecure about something.

I guess this is where the 'picture everyone in their underwear' comes from. ha!

Practice saying what you really think tactfully when asked for your opinion. Everyone is insecure about something so don't belittle yourself for being imperfect. We are all human so no one is above you.

3. Cut the Shit

That's right. I said shit. Letting go of people and feelings that drag you down have got to go. No one is so valuable that you have to keep them in your life if they are consistently destructive to your self-esteem. Of course, that can be more easily said than done. Family is hard to get rid of as you know. However, what separates you is your individual consciousness so you are not bound to them in another way beyond your name and/or blood.

My father was a good provider for the most part. We always had food and shelter, but he never really provided anyone in our family with adequate love and affirmation. My sister and I were always considered subordinates and inferior for a reason unknown to us. Therefore, we were subjected to negative comments from a character suffering from delusions of grandure. I suspect it was because we weren't brilliant, confident ,active members of society, but the irony of that is that we lacked confidence because we were never taught it. Confidence is what needs to be taught to a child so that they can venture out in the world on their own and express their ideas, achieve goals and build a life of their own. Love must be taught so that they know who they are and accept themselves and others. Anyway, I am not a victim. I understand that this is the way he is and I forgive him for all the things that he may not have known how to do to provide my sister and I with a healthy well being. It is up to she and I now to fill in the gaps and let go of the negative feelings that make us slaves. Since then, I've taken up the belief that I am my own keeper and it's no one else's fault for my own unhappiness.

Take responsibility for the painful feelings you have, validate them, and let them go in peace. If that means leaving people who are bad for you then you must. It is important for your own piece of mind. Nothing and no one is worth sacrificing your self-esteem.

4. You snooze, you lose

Tuning out proves to be a disaster. Ignoring everything is just as bad as playing the angry victim. It is passive and that is probably the worst thing ever. Actually, being too passive is a fate worse than death. Get up and do something no matter what it is. It's better to make a decision and fail than not even trying. You are just as much a valid human being in failure as you are in success. If you have the talent, sitting on the couch laughing at people who suck on American Idol isn't going to land you that multi-million dollar record deal. Making a full hearty effort my land you the success, but even if it doesn't you should be happy you did something.

There is another dilemma in this destructive cycle. If you don't face your anxiety you will be a coward. Another good example would be a person who's afraid of their partner cheating. If they don't exercise courage, they may check phone records, dig through their personal items, or follow them after they leave. True, that person did make a decision. However, it was a decision that tried to solve the problem in a round about way. Cowardice behavior is not respectable.

Practice doing the right thing even when it doesn't feel good. After a while, it will start to feel good. It's almost like acquiring a taste. You may not like it at first, but over time you will prefer it.

5. Doing adult things doesn't make you mature/keep in touch with your inner child/inner feelings

Running around paying bills, drinking alcohol, doing drugs, having sex or even entering mid-life crisis doesn't make you a mature adult. It's really funny and sad to watch people confuse this idea. I guess since 18 is the age that we all become legal adults in the United States we assume that we automatically are. Nope. It takes time to mature. The biggest part of becoming a mature adult is hearing no and saying no. Understand that saying no to yourself is just as good for you as saying no to someone else. It demonstrates that you have a preference and aren't easily caught up with trying to fit into the adult world.

Children tend to be immature by nature. They are selfish and often don't act appropriately. However, they tend to be more in tune with their feelings and less afraid to express them. Love is a perfect example of how a child's simplistic view is much more clear than even the most wise adult.

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy- age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

Over time, we forget what we really want because of too many distractions. The cloaked idea that when we achieve adulthood we cannot believe in things as we did as a child is false. Your vision is clouded and your heart is heavy, but with time you can see better and feel well.

Practice listening to your own heart because it sings its own unique tune that no one else can hear. Once you find the right person for you you can teach them the song so when you forget the words they can lead you...

6. Virtue

As you know, there are 7 basic heavenly virtues. I'm not sure if practicing these things on a daily basis will get you into heaven, but I know exercising them will make you feel good and and other people will feel good about you too.

Prudence- the quality of showing care for the judgements that affect the future
Justice- the quality of being far and reasonable
Temperance/Restraint- the quality of practicing self control and moderation
Courage/Fortitude- the quality of enduring and the ability to confront fear and uncertainty
Faith- the quality of having steadfastness in belief
Hope- the quality of having expectations of good
Love/Charity- the quality of selflessness and unconditional positive regard (the basic definition of love)

These four were left off the list, but they are equally just as important.

Forgiveness- the quality of ending angry or resentment toward someone for a offense, flaw, or mistake
Loyalty- the quality showing firm and constant support
Humility- quality of showing modest or low view of one's own importance

If there really is a God out there, he has given us one true gift for sure....

Creativity- the quality of using one's imagination or original ideas

If you need a more detailed map of how you are compounded psychologically, emotionally, biologically, and spiritually then follow this link.
Chakra Meanings

7. Present Mindedness

Not living in the present means that you're either stuck in the past or in the future. Being stuck past can be torture. I say that because people who usually are stuck in the past are beating themselves up over things that they may not have had control over. Or if they did have control, they don't have the freedom of self acceptance to let the past be. What's happened in the past is now only a distant memory. Trying to re-imagine the past is like trying to change the color of tap water with your mind. Not gonna happen. The same goes for the future. I've heard people talk about how they'll be happy when the movie to another state, or travel the world or whatever. Bullshit. Don't make your happiness dependent on a future event. I mean, what happens when that future even doesn't come true. Well now you have to keep making things up until you achieve your goal. Be happy now because you only have now.

Delayed gratification is a good thing, but delaying your happiness because of things that have happened or delaying it for something to happen is masochistic.

Once you practice all of these steps you will discover what I have discovered....

The meaning of life is to enjoy your life. It's just that simple. Be happy and help other to be happier.

Accept yourself, not everything is complicated, don't tell yourself you aren't worthy or let anyone else say it, forget the past and don't worry about the future, and stay true to your own heart. In doing all of these things, you will never lose your way again.