Teaching Children About Respect

In her verse, Children Learn What They Live, Dorothy Law Nolte points out the many things that children learn from what they have experienced in life.

As someone who grew up just feeling as if I just naturally came by having respect for others and for the world, and as someone who has three grown children for whom respecting others and the world seemed to come almost naturally , it seems clear to me that teaching children to respect themselves, others, and the world is a matter of being an example.

Many parents pay lip-service to the concept of raising children who have respect for themselves, others, and the world but overlook what could be the single, most important, way to teach respect to children - showing them respect. Showing children respect can mean talking to them with the same degree of respect we expect them to show us. (People can have different opinions or even disagreements without being disrespectful.) It can mean showing respect for the world by doing something as simple as picking up something from the floor in a store rather than leave it to be stepped on or giving a quick swipe of a paper towel to the ladies' room sink where liquid soap leaked out as we used the dispenser. It can mean being an example when it comes to how we treat animals. How we speak to store clerks or teachers or anyone else can provide another example of how adults treat others with respect.

Having a simple policy like, "I do not treat you disrespectfully, and you are not to treat me that way either," is easy for children to understand when that statement reflects the reality in which they live. Treating others with respect isn't about expecting them to remain silent and never disagree. It is about the difference between respectful voicing of opinions rather than the disrespectful hurling of angry words and name-calling.

When children see their parents treat others with respect, and when they see parents who move through the world as if they share it with others rather than as if the world is theirs to be disregarded or abused if they want, they emulate their parents' behavior. Talking to children about the feelings of other people or of animals does have an impact on children. Something else that has impact is helping children realize that other people work hard to have something or to keep a park or building clean. Talking about how being a thoughtful individual or good citizen makes a person a better person is another way to help children be aware of the value of respect.

Children do "learn what they live", but they also listen (even if it doesn't always seem as if they do). Having a household where respect is valued, and talking with children about the importance of respect, are generally the ways we teach children about it.