Another Cara List!

Things To Do On A Very Bad Blind Date:

1. Engage in conversation about how you know the person who fixed you up but be very creative. For example; "Yeah Don is such a great guy. He and I used to row together at Princeton. You know, I remember how liberated he and I felt being able to wear such tight fitting clothes and being that close to other men without being judged.......uh...did I say that out loud?"

2. In the middle of a sentence, start speaking with the foreign accent of your choice. When your date questions you, say "I have no idea what you are talking about" and go back to your regular voice. During your next sentence, start doing it again with a different accent.

3. It will be very easy to amuse yourself if you are at a restaurant. Take every edible substance on the table and mix it into your water glass (sugar, salt, pepper, ketchup, oil & vinegar, butter, soda, wine, etc) Offer your date money to drink it. When he/she refuses, collapse into a heap of sobs and explain about your abnormal obsession with Fear Factor.

4. Or practice your Origami skills with your napkin.

5. When your date goes to the bathroom, put a little bit of ketchup in your ears. When she asks you why your ears are bleeding, say "Damn it! My Ebola must be flaring again."

6. When it comes time for coffee, show off your spoon-playing abilities.

7. When talking about yourself, make it obvious that you are really talking about someone else. For example: "You know my real name is actually Norma Jean Baker but the studio executives didn't like it so they re-named me. Now I go by Marilyn Monroe."

8. Go out to a dance club. Perform every socially unacceptable dance that has ever existed in chronological order: The Bunny Hop, The Alley Cat, The Twist, The Hustle, YMCA, The Chicken Dance, The Electric Slide, The Running Man and The Macarena. Tell your date that you are giving a history lesson through the beauty of dance.

9. Catch up on some sleep. Use the toothpicks from the restaurant to hold your eyelids open so as to appear interested in your date's story about the time in college when he couldn't find his mattress.

10. Play the movie Joe vs. the Volcano in your head.