Thank You Alec Baldwin,for Bringing us Perspective

Wow, it sure looked, for a moment, like the humor would just be forever sucked out of this particular week. What with the horrific tragedy in Virginia, it seemed almost a crime to even think about smiling or laughing. How can we laugh when the world is so horrible? Wasn't it just a week ago we were calling for the head of Don Imus? Wasn't it just a week ago that we here in Chicago were thinking about the Olympics and trying to get them here for 2016? Then a guy shoots over thirty people and everything becomes grim again. How can you laugh in a world where something that horrible and yet so totally random can occur?

Thankfully, and probably to the relief of NCB News, Alec Baldwin has provided us with a way to remember what we all really want to think about. We don't want to be reminded that the world is random and meaningless and that everything we are and everyone around us can be swept away like so many pieces of a board game at any moment. No, we want to live vicariously through celebrities.

There are celebrity "news" shows on all the time these days. I, personally, cannot stand "Entertainment Tonight" and "Access Hollywood" but I know many people who love them. My parents, for example, love to flip back and forth from one of those shows to the other. I cannot take them seriously anymore. How can you?

"Tonight," one of the anchors will say, "we'll find out what Tom and Katie have planned for Suri's first birthday. Also, did Britney kiss a guy in rehab?"

Like any of that is news or newsworthy. It's like some strange extension of those paparazzi guys who trip over themselves to get pictures of Lindsay Lohan taking out her garbage. I don't understand the obsession with the minutia of celebrities. However, these shows seem to do well in the ratings and the tabloid newspapers keep selling and people keep making a living tripping over other photographers to get those shots.

Anyway, Alec evidently left a rather nasty voicemail message for his eleven-year-old daughter. Now, Alec has been known to have a fiery temper. He and his ex-wife, Kim Bassinger, have been in court fighting each other tooth and nail for years over their divorce. If there is something for them to fight about, they get their lawyers and start fighting.

Well, apparently Alec has to schedule very specific times to speak with this daughter. His daughter, being eleven, probably doesn't really think much of these calls and probably doesn't much care what her father has to do to have the time to make them. She shut off her phone, evidently, and he was unable to talk to her. He called his eleven-year-old daughter a "pig." He also said she was "brainless."

Now, if this were a couple anywhere else in the world we would shrug and shake our heads and hope that someone would step in and get counseling for people. However, since this is a Hollywood couple and it involves celebrities it means this message has to be played roughly one trillion times on every news channel and news program around the world. I am betting CNN is already devoting 24-hour coverage to it and probably has a catchy title and graphics to go along with the story.

We love these kinds of stories. Well, we think, at least my life isn't as screwed up as Alec Baldwin's. And look, we think, all of that money and fame and he calls his daughter a "pig." Well, that just goes to prove that money can't buy happiness. I guess I should be grateful with my low-paying, cubicle-working job, eh?

What no one really cares about, of course, is the little girl who just had her father call her a pig on her voicemail. Sure, everyone feigns the concern, but really, we just want to see Baldwin squirm. We are anxiously awaiting the time when he appears on a talk show or a news program and squirms in his seat and makes some lame and stupid apology. More than likely a stint in rehab is in order because every celebrity does that now for everything they do wrong.

What no one talks about is how this particular recording ended up leaked to everyone in the world. Apparently the recording first appeared on the website known as TMZ. I don't know who these people are but they somehow have become the touch-stone for everything involving celebrity scandals. When we wanted to know what Mel said to the cops, they somehow had the information. When Michael Richards exploded on stage, they had the footage from the cell phone.

Bassinger and Baldwin have been arguing about custody of their daughter for years. I suppose a cynical person would argue that maybe Bassinger leaked the statement to the press. Wouldn't this be the perfect way to humiliate the man? Wouldn't this be the perfect way to make him back down in court? Not only could you produce the evidence right there in court but, most likely, the judge and everyone in the courtroom would already have heard the recording.

I don't know what has been going on between Baldwin, his ex-wife and his daughter. From the tirade it sure seems like there is a lot of bitterness there. Alec has been having a lot of success lately with his performances on "30 Rock." If you watch that show, he's hilarious. He's also a really good actor if given a script and half a chance. However, as a father and a man able to communicate with a young woman, he evidently needs lessons.

Hopefully no one loses his or her job over this. This is really something that should be worked out in private between Alec and Kim and their daughter. Still, people smell blood. Time for the sharks to come a-calling.

Bryan W. Alaspa's novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.