(Approx. 1820 words)

I was once approached by a young man on the downtown streets of a large western American city. He asked me this question: "Would you like to inherit the free gift of eternal life?"

"Who wouldn't!" I responded.

"May I tell you how to do so?" he asked gently.

I knew what was coming. "Are you sure you really want to?"

''Yes, I am."

"Go ahead, then, tell me."

After informing me that he referred to himself as a born-again evangelical full gospel dispensationalist Pentecostal street missionary, the conversation went something like this:

"You must accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior. The only way you can do that is to admit that you are a sinner. It is only in that confession that the Lord can save you."

"Is that all there is to it? If I simply say I'm a sinner and accept Jesus, then everything is OK from here on out?" I asked.

"Well, yes and no. When you accept the Lord, you also accept a new way of living."

"You mean I have to give up things?"

"It's partially that, but it's more."

"I know the basic stuff. Drinking, smoking, that sort of thing. But let me ask you a question: do I have to give up my belief that everyone is free to choose his or her own path to God, religion, spirituality?"

"Yes."

"Do I have to believe that this 'born again' way is the only way? The ONLY truth? The ultimate truth?"

"Yes."

"And do I have to do as you're doing, go out and tell people how wrong they are for not believing as I?"

"Yes."

"Do I have to view Catholics as 'not saved?"'

"Yes, unless they get born again like us. We believe the Roman Catholic Church is the Great Whore mentioned in the Book of Revelation. It led the whole Christian world astray for centuries. It is only because of people like me that the truth is finally being revealed."

"And Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Christian Scientists, Unitarians, Muslims, and Jewsare they not saved as well?"

"Yes, unless they become like us. They all subvert the Scriptures, bending them to suit their own programs."

"Must I view women as being in subjugation to men?"

"Yes. Feminists are bound for hell. The man was intended as the authority and head of the family, as Christ is the head of the True Church. St. Paul himself commanded that. God's wrath will be poured out fully upon all women who do not submit to the authority of men."

"And gay people. Must I take the side of the right-wing organizations that are anti-gay?

"Yes. These groups only want what's best for our children. God hates the way gay people live and those who stay gay are condemned for all eternity. We must make sure that kids know and believe that so that even if later on they decide--not discover--they're gay, they will never reveal it and continue to pray that God will cure them. They must be made to know that they will burn in an eternal hell if they don't change."

"And you know this as fact?"

"Yes. The Bible says so."

"Oh, so I must accept the Bible, as written, as absolute Truth, infallible, and inerrant?"

"Absolutely."

"But haven't there been a lot of contradictions, even mistakes, discovered in that book?"

"God makes no mistakes and He wrote the Bible; therefore, we must have faith that it contains no errors, even if it seems so, even if so-called common sense says so. We aren't wise enough to know the difference."

"I see. We're created with reason, but we're not suppose to exercise it, eh?"

"Right. We must accept the Bible on blind faith, NEVER QUESTIONING!"

"Can I trust science?"

"Only when it supports the Bible, which it almost never does. Science preaches the belief in evolution. That belief is a mortal sin! Even to just consider the possibility is treading on dangerous spiritual ground! God's wrath is nothing to play around with."

"But isnt evolution just a theory? I dont believe its touted as absolute truth."

"Doesnt matter. Calling it just a theory is one of Satans ways of infiltrating the public education system with lies."

"What about other religions?"

"All false. Ours is the only way."

"Where did the religions that are older than your way come from?"

"The devil."

"So Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad, Confucius, and Lao Tzu were all devil-worshippers?"

"Worse. They were devils themselves, sent by Satan to deceive the weak-minded."

"Most of the other religions have valuable insights and wisdom."

"Thats the trouble. They often make sense, at least in places. Thats how the devil deceives through those religions. He makes them seem as though they make sense."

"Wow! Must I also believe in a devil?"

"Yes."

"What if I cannot do that?"

"Then it is the same as if you didn't believe in Christ."

"I see. It's a package deal?"

"In a way. Without the devil, THERE WOULD BE NO NEED FOR A SAVIOR." [Author's note: It is suggested that the reader deeply consider the ramifications of this statement.]

"So, the devil is somewhat of a linchpin?"

"He's necessary."

"Like I said, a linchpin. Without him, the whole of Christianity would be unnecessary, wouldn't you say?

"Yes, if the devil was fantasy, but the devil is real."

"How do you know?"

"Well, the Bible says so, but even still, you can see his work in the world. Violence, hatred, atheism. How could that all be without a devil?"

"How about natural human pride, greed, and fear? Perhaps we could accept responsibility for our own garbage?"

"Not possible. Original sin* means we have no power to save ourselves. We are basically useless. It is only by the grace of God that we even continue to exist. We don't even deserve His love. It is only through the blood sacrifice of Jesus that we have been brought back into His good pleasure. And even so, He still has to keep a stern eye on us. He writes down every sin we commit and will throw them back in our faces on Judgement Day. He should have done away with us back in Eden. We're such worms! We should fall on our faces before Him and plead constantly for mercy. And to even suggest that the devil and hell are myths is heresy. You can burn for that thought!"

"I see. So God basically created human waste?"

"No, we made ourselves that way by listening to the serpent in the Garden of Eden."

"Oh, a talking snake. What was he doing in Eden in the first place?"

"That's not for us to know. If it isn't explained, or mentioned, in the Bible, we should just leave it alone. God has His reasons."

"And, of course, God is male, right?"

"Certainly. To suggest otherwise is blasphemy; it's just plain heresy. Anyone who thinks God could possibly be femaleor, I shudder to mention it, androgynous--doesn't understand how repugnant and impossible that is. A female God? A God with both genders? How sickening!"

"So I guess you would hate the thought of a female president?"

"Women brought sin into the world!"

"How?"

"By Eve's accepting the word of the serpent in the Garden and then causing the fall of the man, as well. They disobeyed God's direct commandment not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. They permanently separated themselves from their Creator. It took Jesus, who was God Incarnate, to sacrifice His own life so that humanity, or at least those who chose The Way, could be saved from a deserved eternal damnation."

"But if Jesus is God Incarnate, then He knew He couldn't really die. After all, a god can do anything, right?"

"JESUS IS THE ONE AND ONLY GOD, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, AND STANDS SEPARATE AND APART FROM SAID CREATION BECAUSE OF ORIGINAL SIN. TO BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE OR TO REFUSE ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE TO HIM BY NOT ACCEPTING THE BIBLE AS HIS ABSOLUTE WORD AND HIS MINISTERS AS ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY ON EARTH IS TO INCUR HIS WRATH. ANYONE NOT ACCEPTING THIS WILL SUFFER ETERNAL TORMENT WHILE THE CHOSEN OF GOD WATCH WITH SATISFYING AND RIGHTEOUS PLEA5URE. SUCH IS THE WILL OF THE ALMIGHTY! Thomas Aquinas said that, and it's the truth!"

"So, let me see if I have this straight: in order to inherit the Free Gift of Eternal Life, I must believe that the Eternal Creator God is a poor Jewish carpenter from Judaea, very much male, very stern, and recording everything I do, think, or say; science is bogus; see myself as utterly worthless; become a believer in devils and talking snakes; hate gays; subjugate women because they are the mothers of sin; judge and condemn other religions as demon inspired; take the Bible literally, even its contradictions; try to change others' lives by telling them how wicked they are; believe there is only ONE way, accept all of this on blind faith alone, and believe that even other Christians who don't believe exactly as I do are somehow out of the fold. Right?"

"You forgot one thing."

''What?"

"You must love everybody. And that's a rule! You'll burn otherwise!"

After everything else he'd said, I did a little gasp on that one.

"I see. So accepting Jesus, the "Prince of Peace," as savior isn't quite enough."

"Right."

"Salvation--eternal life--then, is not really a free gift as you have claimed."

"It is free, as long as you pay the price."

"Young man, do you know what a cult is?"

''Why, of course! That's any group that doesn't believe like we do."

I didn't convert.

*Original sin: the doctrine that states humanity fell from grace when Eve believed the serpent in the Garden of Eden when he said, "In the day you eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, your eyes will be opened and you will become like God. He knows this and that's why He has forbidden you to eat from it." (Gen. 2 paraphrased) She then took the fruit, ate of it and gave some to her husband, Adam, and their eyes were opened; hence, the first incidence of SIN, disobedience. (It is because this story was taken literally that women have been, in the Western world, dominated by men ever since.) However, if one reads this story carefully, one discovers that they indeed DID become as gods, knowing good from evil (Gen. 3:22). God put them out of the Garden, not because they "disobeyed" and ate from a certain tree, but because, having so eaten, they awakened their power to choose; therefore, they could very likely choose to eat from another certain tree, namely the Tree of Life, and live forever, implying that they would then be God's rivals rather than His puppets.