As I have wandered through this life I have had many times when I wondered what exactly is going on. I have sought answers in many things. Early in life I sought the answers in religion. Then I went into a more hedonistic mode. I have traveled many places and tried living in many different ways. So far, I have not found the answers to all my questions about who we are and what we are doing here.

I have come to some conclusions through logical reasoning and deduction. First, I believe there is some order to our existence. I find it hard to believe that we just appeared through some sort of chance combination of chemicals. I do think that could be true for the body, but not for the inhabitants of these bodies.

I have observed that there seems to be some sort of grand game going on and we are largely ignorant of it. This game relies on us maintaining ignorance of it or it would be "game over". We seem, as a species, to need to play out this game in order to give some sort of purpose to our lives and continue this existence.

Let me say that I believe we are spiritual beings and we have been around as long as time. I believe in re-incarnation and the existence of the "soul" or "spirit" apart from the body. I use an analogy to show my point. This analogy requires a premise that there is some sort of being or energy that is what we are all a part of. Some people call this energy "God", others have many other names for it. I just call it the cosmic energy. Now, this cosmic energy is the basis for all the things we experience. If we believe that "God" created the universe, or that this cosmic energy was the energy that everything was made from, then we must ask ourselves "what did this energy make all this matter from?".

Einstein put some of this together in the theory of relativity. He theorized that matter can be made into energy and visa-versa. We have proved that a little matter has a large amount of energy. Witness the atomic bomb. How often do we really think about the implications of the atomic bomb, other than how destructive it is? We are actually taking matter and releasing major amounts of energy from it. Fission is the mechanics of how we release this energy. There are theories about how we could actually use just about any matter to create fusion and release great amounts of energy. Fission and fusion are like two sides of the same coin. In one (fission) we shoot a sub atomic particle into an atom and cause it to split into two or more atoms and release energy. In fusion we cause two small atoms to bid together through great pressures and heat, also causing a great amount of energy to be released.

The common coin to both these methods is that we are using matter to create energy. Actually we are not creating anything here. We are just releasing the energy that is already stored in the atom. We used to think that the atom was the smallest particle of matter there was. But now we know there are many, many particles that are smaller than the atom. These particles are actually the building blocks of atoms, and thereby, matter.

Now keep these points in mind. We will be using these ideas further along into this dissertation. As I started to say earlier, Einstein theorized that we could cause energy to become matter. This is where things really get interesting. The field of Quantum Physics is actually proving that all matter is made up of energy. There is a real good book that brings Quantum Physics and Quantum Mechanics down to the layman's level. I would highly recommend to anyone that wants to explore these ideas to get "The Dancing Wu Li Masters" by Gary Zukav. In this book you will find that it seems that every atom we know about, and that includes all matter we can experience with our senses, is ultimately made up of particles of light. That's right, everything we experience is made up of light!.

It seems that collisions of photons, which are the basic building blocks of light, release sub-atomic particles that go on to become the building blocks of atoms. As we know, atoms are basically made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. The number of these parts and how they are combined, form the atoms of the different elements that make up all that we understand as matter. The Protons, Neutron, and electrons, however, are made up of many different particles with names like quarks, leptons and many other such weird names. These particles are made from the collision of photons. The really weird thing is that when photons collide, they not only give off these particles, but they continue to be photons and maintain the same sze and weight as they were before the collision, which is massless! So it seems that matter is actually created by collisions of light! I'm not making this up, You can do the research yourself and verify this. In fact, I encourage you to do so. Once you grasp this concept you are ready to explore further the nature of reality. This will lead you to some amazing realizations of what is really going on. I wonder - since photons are massless, and since light is said to be a wave and a particle at the same time, could it be that photons are really just where two energy fields, or distortion waves of different phases of the same energy field collide?

Now once you understand the information I just gave you, we are ready to go on. I call this the religious aspects of life as a holodeck character. Religion is what man calls the search for understanding our spiritual side. If you have never heard of a holodeck then you don't watch Star Trek much. A holodeck is a place where a computer generates an alternate reality that, for all intents and purposes, is just about as real as the "real" world. It is used for recreation. In a holodeck you can create a program where you can experience just about anything you want. You can create a program based on your favorite novel, for instance. And you play a part from that novel and interact with the characters from that novel just as if they were real.

The only difference is that those characters, however real they seem, are just "projections" of the computer, which uses energy to create them. Are you beginning to see where I am going with this long-winded dissertation? If all matter is created from light energy, that means that we are also made up of this light energy. Well, almost. This accounts for the body, but what about the consciousness? What about that part of you that has personality? This is where the religious aspects come into play.

Let's turn our attention for awhile to the nature of the matter that is created by energy. It has been shown that an atom is very much mostly empty space. You can visualize this by thinking of a football field. Put a basketball in the center of the field and a baseball in one of the end zone seats. This is roughly the relationship that exists in an atom between the electron and the proton and neutron. The proton and neutron are together the basketball and the electron is the baseball.

So, if there is so much empty space then why don't we just walk through the walls around us? Why do things seem so solid? The answer to that is in the fact that the electrons orbit the nucleus (the proton and neutron) of the atom so fast that it is almost like it (or they, depending on what type of atom it is), are everywhere around that atom at the same time.

All this is to show that things really are not what they seem. The nature of reality is just beginning to be understood and it seems like there is very much evidence that it is all an illusion.

After having studied these facts and theories that arise from them, I have put together my model of reality. I needed you to understand these ideas first to get into the beliefs I have about what is going on. I have shown how everything is really made up of energy. That energy traces back ultimately to light energy. We are even seeing how that two particles can collide and create matter! So what is "God"? What really is the creative force in our universe? Well, that is a complicated question, for a number of reasons. We can understand the nature of matter, and the fact that everything is really mostly empty space, but why do we think? What makes us, as human beings, intelligent and capable of manipulating our environment?

I have thought this over and over and come to what I believe is a logical conclusion. I believe that we are part of the ultimate energy force of the universe. We are literally one with the creator. You may think I am blasphemous but this is not so, as I will show. If you are a religious person, then you tend to believe in a creator. So what did this creator make all this matter that makes up the universe from? What else but it's own energy. (I don't tend to call this creator a "him" or her" as I don't want to get embroiled in the argument of the personality of "God"). What else would there have been to create all this from? If this creator is the ultimate energy source in the universe this would make sense. How can a religious person argue with this idea?

So if "God" made the universe from it's own energy, then does that not mean that every piece of matter is really part of "God"? Then does that not mean that our bodies are really parts of "God"? So then we are really part of "God". If so, then we must be connected to that energy. If this is so, then we must be actually part of the creative force.

Now we are getting closer to why this existence is really an illusion. We have created it so. We have chosen to live these lives in this illusion for some purpose. To me the real religion is the study of why we created this reality and what is it's purpose. I do not pretend to have the answer to that. I am just presenting some interesting facts that lead to this conclusion.

I believe that some of us have an innate ability to "massage" this illusion. We have all known of a person that seems to just be able to make the right choices in life and get things to go their way. Others just never seem to get a break and spend their whole life trying to get ahead. This reality seems to have all the earmarks of an elaborate play. We each choose a character and play that character with all our energy. Sometimes we seem to feel we chose the character wrong or that we are tired of playing that character and want to change. Those of us who have found the "key" to making this change, do so. Those of us who can't seem to get the key to work then feel stuck in whatever illusion we find ourselves in.

The power of change comes from really understanding the nature of the illusion and believing we have the ability to change it. After all, we are part of the creative force, right? Then why don't we just re-create the reality we live in. Why do we continue to create unpleasant scenarios to live out? Maybe one reason is that we chose the reality we wanted to live before we created it. If we really are part of the creative force and only move on, or live another life here, after the body dies, then we may want to experience certain experiences while we are incarnate in this particular life.

Maybe it's like this: We are all part of the creative force, which makes us all co-creators in this illusion. There are some of us who understand this and some that don't. The vast majority of humans are really into their particular dramas. Whatever that drama may be. These little mini-plays cause these people to be blinded to the bigger picture. Since we are really all a part of each other on a very real level, we have to have agreement to substantially change this illusion. As it is now, we agree on many basic things, such as the fact that a wall is solid and we cannot walk through it. So we have agreed on some basic premises for the nature of this illusion we call life on Earth.

This creative power seems to have been sidetracked in the course of human existence. As we have progressed through the years, we have gotten more and more lost in the alternate reality we have created. We have created many ways to perpetuate this illusion. Take for example the concept of money. What is money but an illusion. The only reason that the economy works is that we agree on it. What reason do I have to believe the piece of paper in my wallet is worth a dollar? Why is an equal sized and shaped piece of paper worth one hundred dollars? Because we agree on it. There is nothing backing up that belief except for the fear that if we don't believe in it then the illusion will cease and the economy will collapse.

This is an example of human kind's manipulating the creative powers. Another is the concept of nations. What makes the borders of a nation? I never saw any lines drawn on the ground to tell me I was crossing into a different nation. Maybe some walls or other man made objects, but never a natural division. We agree on the borders (generally) and they are real. Why should I be shot for crossing an imaginary line? Because we believe that these lines have power so it is that they do. We could just as easily stop believing this and live in harmony with each other. The same thing applies to cultures. We believe that a certain nation has certain characteristics and so it is so.

Let's pretend for awhile that life really is some sort of grand game. If we all had a part in the creation of this game and the rules for playing it, then we would all be in agreement as to the nature of it. Why did we create this game? Maybe the better question is "Why did I create this game?" Think about it. If we are really all part of the creative energy, then we are really all part of each other. This means that we are all the same being. Talk about multiple personalities!

If there really is just one being in the universe, then what better way to pass the time than to create this game to live and have billions and billions of different ways to experience it. "Well", you say, "Why do we create all this unpleasantness?" Good question. Think about it. If what I say is truly how things are, then what is death? Just a transformation. We would never really die. All the suffering we go through in life is just different ways to experience the game. Maybe we decided early after we created this game that we would really make it seem real by forgetting it is a game. Maybe we programmed it like a holodeck to run a certain course and then we would awaken and remember.

This is more of the religious aspect of life. What we are and why we are. We seem to have a driving need to understand the nature of our existence. We have tried many ways to create a model of reality that works. We just don't seem to be able to get it right. It always seems that whenever we think we are getting it right there pops up some snag in the theory. This then leads to trying to protect our version of reality and then we succumb to our programmed in emotional needs that help perpetuate the game and start acting goofy like going to war with others over our beliefs.

I also believe that there are those that have understood much more than they let on about the illusion and have used that knowledge to manipulate others to use their creative energy to selfish ends. Like when a big corporation (which, by the way, is not a being, it is just a figment of our imaginations that we willingly give power to), that uses illusions to get us to give them some of our power to promote their best interests. The same thing with governments. We see it everyday. The government or a corporation acts in a manor that is obviously wrong and harmful to human beings, but we let it go because it seems so large an issue that we cannot change it. When in reality we have much power to change it. We just don't understand, on a mass scale, that if we focused our creative force on the problem we can easily change it.

There are those that have a vested interest in keeping us blinded to our abilities. As a race, (the human race), we have power to create this world to whatever standards we want. But those that early on realized the power that is there found ways to not only blind us but get us to focus our energies to do their bidding.

Well, I get a bit carried away on the politics of our existence too. But the basic point is that we actually do have the ability to change the illusion if we work together to change it.