My original idea was to create another list. Since the holidays are upon us I figured it would be a good time to write about some of the best holiday movies. People like lists. The other lists I wrote seemed to get a decent response. It creates dialogue, it seems. People like making suggestions. As such, I figured holiday movies would be a great topic what with it being the Christmas season.

However, as I sat down to write I immediately ran into a problem. The problem is very simple and can be summed up in three words: holiday movies suck. Yes, that’s exactly what I am saying. I tried to come up with a list. I went for a walk. I pounded my head against a wall. What did I end up with? I got sore feet and a headache.

I couldn’t come up with a list. Yes, there are classic films that everyone watches year after year but, really, they aren’t very good movies either, are they? You only watch them during one time of year. It’s the time of year when you probably have warm and fuzzy feelings going already. A lot of people associate the holidays with good memories and some of those memories surround watching certain movies with family members. All of that suddenly makes “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” suddenly seem like a good movie rather than a poorly-acted, cheesy Chevy Chase comedy which is what it really is.

So, here is my list of holiday movies that are heart-warming, funny, and classic:

A Christmas Story – In my opinion there is nothing better than the story of Ralphie and his family and his attempts to get hold of a Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time. It’s funny and, more importantly, it’s universal. Yes, the movie is set in about 1940 but the themes mean as much today as it must have back then. I know in my life that every year there was one toy or one present I looked forward to more than any other. I would sit there in class and daydream about it. I would doodle pictures of it on my notebooks. I would dream of playing with the thing. Then, when I finally got the chance to play with the gift, normally I was done and bored with it by the end of the day.

This is a story that brings up nearly every single family holiday goof-up and tradition. My house too had outlets that were crammed with plugs. My father wasn’t exactly like the father in the movie but he did love to pick at the turkey my mother would be cooking all day long. I even had one Christmas where I was longing for a BB gun. I then proceeded to shoot up the basement of my parent’s house with it.

The rest of the movies that come out during the holidays just don’t have the same feel to it. Everyone watches and talks about “It’s a Wonderful Life” but I can’t sit through that movie anymore. I honestly don’t care much about Zuzu and her petals any longer. I also hate the idea that every time a bell rings and angel gets its wings and wish Clarence would freeze to death and drown. Am I cynical? Probably. Cantankerous? Most definitely.

I watched “Miracle on 34th Street” and the remake just like everyone else. Again, it was mildly amusing the first time I saw it. Then it rapidly became annoying. Once again I no longer cared if Santa ended up in the loony bin or not. I’d rather just see the kid yank on the beard over and over again.

I guess I still have a soft spot for the Rudolph movie. Something about that harkens back to my childhood. Does anyone remember the other Rudolph movie where he had to save the new year? I remember that one because he had a friend who was a whale and I thought that was really cool.

I have watched seemingly countless versions of “A Christmas Carol.” I have to admit I was amused when I first saw the Bill Murray version “Scrooged.” However, to me, the movie now seems dated. It’s amazing that at one time having a movie with Bobcat Golthwait didn’t seem like a disaster in the making. Even as I sat there in the theater I have to say I was thinking that this was not really a very funny movie.

The problem in recent years is that the quality of these movies has managed to get worse. Right now there is a movie about two guys who are competing or have problems with the decorations on the other person’s house. Sounds like the same story that was “Christmas with the Kranks” which was just out last year and completely sucked. Let’s not forget Ben Affleck’s movie where he tries to live with Tony Soprano or something.

I blame Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad for this trend. They did that stupid movie where the two of them run around looking for the hot toy of the season. I knew it was going to be dumb for a couple of reasons, namely, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. Has there ever been a good movie with Sinbad in it? I don’t think so.

Of all of the movies I would have to say that the story of Ralphie, his brother, Scut Farkus and the BB Gun is the one I can watch again and again and again. The great thing is that I can do exactly that because there’s that one cable channel that shows it all day and night on Christmas day. I still laugh. Just show me his brother saying “Meat loaf, beat loaf, I hate meat loaf” and I am on the floor dying.

Beyond that, I have to say that holiday movies, much like holiday songs, have a very short shelf life and that is as it should be. You can have your “White Christmas” and enjoy them if you want but you can count me out. I can do without Bing Crosby in my holiday life, thank you very much. I have no desire to watch that one again. I saw it once and watched it with this really cute girl back in college. Unless she is going to show up again to watch it with me, I really don’t care to see it.

So, I am sure the airwaves will be filled with holiday movies. There will be women having their lives made wonderful and various adaptations of Scrooge and his ghosts. They will show the Peanuts kids shopping for that tree. I will be taking walks in my neighborhood and enjoying the lights. However, during that marathon, you had better believe I will be watching Ralphie dress up like a giant pink bunny.

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust[/]b is now available in both print and eBook versions at his website [b]www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.