During my pregnancy there were plenty of things to worry about. What is my son going to look like? What day will he be born? Will he have two eyes? These are the kinds of fears and anxieties I had. I wondered if he would like me, if I was going to be a good mother, and whether I could really handle what I had got myself into.

However, once my son blessed us with his presence it was no longer worrying about looks and birthdays and eyeballs. No, as soon as the nurse came in and asked, "did he poop?" I learned that those things no longer mattered. What was important now though? - All those nasty, disgusting things nobody ever talks about. So even though I had never really felt comfortable discussing these things before, I soon realized I had no choice but to embrace my stinky little son.

You know, when you think of newborn babies, what do you envision? As a pregnant woman I pictured strolling around the neighborhood with my son, cute as a button all dressed up in tiny little boy clothes and itsy bitsy baby shoes. I imagined kissing and playing with my giggly little man all day while I stayed home taking care of him. Bathtime would be buckets of fun and nighttime would come with a bedtime story, a goodnight kiss and baby would fall right to sleep.... and stay asleep.

Yeah. Right!

First of all, you can forget about sleeping. Secondly, my baby doesn't giggle or smile yet and he doesn't really respond to being played with. Third, strolling around the neighborhood is out of the question during the dog days of summer. And finally, what itsy bitsy shoes was I thinking of? My son barely wears socks at this point! So what about all those dreams and even those anxieties? They're replaced by these wonderful rays of sunshine:

Diarrhea!
Farting!
Spit-Up!
Burping!
Snot!
Screaming!
and...(drumroll please...)

Peeing everywhere!!

This is what you have to look forward to as a parent. Cleaning up bodily fluids, trying to comfort an inconsolable screaming baby, wiping snot, wiping butts, wiping away spit-up. Letting the doctor know that your son is constipated and what color and consistency his poop was 3 days before last Wednesday is always a blast! Nothing like rolling out of bed for an early appointment with the pediatrician to discuss how much your baby has been farting lately. The joy!

It has definitely been a learning experience! Having a son has sure taught me to loosen up when it comes to matters of the body. And even though he's still too little to really play with or get a smile from him, I love him and would miss the smell of his diaper pail if he weren't around!