The Idiots Are Still Winning

Some years ago I reported to work one April Sunday morning on a day when we had one of those unexpected early Spring snowstorms. My work station was on the top of a mountain above the Hudson River and on days like that I had to keep the gate closed so the public wouldn’t drive up and have an accident. As I did most times I “dummy locked” the gate which means that I hung the lock on the loop inside the lockbox but didn’t snap it shut. This is a common practice and 99 times out of 100 it works just fine except when someone who wants to get in to do something nefarious or someone who is a complete idiot wants to get in so they have the nerve to check and they let themselves in. Now, you and I as moderately intelligent and honest people, even if we did know the gate wasn’t really locked, we’d never consider just letting ourselves in because we’d know that someone was inside and would chase us out or even issue a summons for being in a closed area.
But this day was one of those days. About noon I looked out the window and found that the icy rain had changed to wet snow and I decided to bail out. By then all the other facilities had closed and the employees had gone home due to the bad weather anyway so I was a late holdout. What did I find but a lady - with two small children - gabbing away on her cell phone. Flabbergasted I went over to her and asked what she was doing and she said that she had to come up there to use her cell phone. So I had all I could do to hold myself in but I just had to teach her a lesson of some kind. I proceeded to ask if it was work risking life and limb just to make a phone call? She said it was. I explained that people drive off the mountain even in good weather so driving up there like she did was inviting suicide. She became very quizzical and perplexed as she was obvious oblivious and clueless of the extent of what she had risked. I then asked why she let herself in when the gate was closed. She said it wasn’t locked so it was ok. I was really having trouble not exploding by then but managed to remain composed. I raised my voice an octave and spoke with exclamation marks and said that the gate was closed but the lock may not have been snapped shut but does that mean we are open? She remained silent but perplexed. I then said, “Does that mean if I come to your house and find the door unlocked I should just walk in and make myself at home?!? What would you do if I did that? You’d call the police and you’d be crazy not to!” She was looking back and forth blinking her eyes as if this was the first time in her life she had to face her own stupidity and maybe it was.
I finished her object lesson by adding that I wasn’t going to call the police because I was bailing out while I could still creep down without killing myself and because the cops weren’t crazy enough to drive up there in such weather. Additionally, all the roads in the park and surrounding area had been barricaded so I didn’t know how she’d find a way out but she was on her own.
As long as I’m on the subject of idiots putting themselves and others at risk, I’ll pass along another one. Some years ago on a hot August day at the time when cell phones were just becoming popular, the local 911 dispatcher received a call from a hiker who simply said he was in distress and unable to proceed. No further information was given and he hung up. So under such circumstances the correct procedure is to push the panic button and assume it is a major life threatening event. It was a busy day in the parks but regardless they sent all available rangers, the policeman on post, his sergeant, the shift lieutenant, the town police, the local helicopter airlift was put on alert for a possible statflight airlift to the trauma center, and a mutual aid call was placed wherein the local volunteer fire department responded for help in case someone needed to be carried a long distance in rough terrain in a litter. So everything was done right by the authorities.
The rangers hiked in the trail the “victim” said he was on (the Appalachian Trail in fact) and found the complainant to discover that he was a first time hiker, he drank up all of his water and his feet hurt. So, this bonehead tied up about 50 emergency services personnel from several agencies, about a dozen pieces of cars, trucks, and fire apparatus, and a helicopter was on standby, because some complete moron was thirsty and his feet hurt. For the first time in my career the right action took place in an all too common occurrence. He was issued a summons for abusing the 911 system and forced to make restitution for all the manpower and equipment he tied up unnecessarily.
The idiots are winning folks and we are in big trouble!