People tend to think that when a woman gets involved in such a position, it makes her feel powerful, special in some way. They think that we simply want what we can’t have; the grass is always greener on the other side. Perhaps it is an ego boost; ‘oh to be the one he really wants, the one he sneaks off to.’ And what fun, the chance of being caught looming in the air, in your tangled breath. How exciting to be able to have the kind of secret romance that your grandmothers read about in romance novels. No commitment, no chance of a real involvement, no harm, no foul, right?

I hear talk on the radio, random gossip: only a whore would get in the way of someone’s marriage. Women are catty, backstabbers; a guy has a wedding ring on and suddenly we want him. We want to prove that we could still have him even though you told him “I do.” The other woman – what an adjective! Never has the word ‘other’ meant something so horrible. Ostracize her! Stare and point pitifully while whispering of how she sought after a married man, to destroy his marriage and damage his children, how selfish and conceited she must be! He on the other hand, he simply could not help himself. After all, he’s been married for eleven years to the same woman; has two children and one on the way. She’s so pregnant it’s a wonder how she gets around, never mind paying him any attention. And then this saucy 24 year old steels his gaze, twirling her wavy locks around her finger, probably wearing a skirt cut just a little too short and a blouse that puts just the right emphasis on her perky bosom, a sterling silver chain drooping sexily down to her cleavage. Once she dampens her lips with her sweet tongue, she’s got him tight within her grasp. What’s a guy to do?

I remember being maybe ten years old and listening to this song on the car radio with my mother. She was singing along and she had said it was such a sad song, such a sad thing that two people who truly loved each other could not be together. I asked her why they couldn’t be together, not really listening to the song. She explained that they were having an affair and they couldn’t leave their spouses but that they sang about how much it hurt to part with one another. I just remember thinking that it was sad that they were having an affair, rather than the fact that they couldn’t be together. I was a child, and in my perspective, my parents were there to raise me; that was their job. They may have started out in love and romantic but they had a responsibility to raise me in a happy and loving environment now that I was there. I didn’t understand why my parents would fight and I would get so upset when my father yelled. I’d hide in my room with my little brother and the dog whenever they got into a real big argument. And I’d think about my friends’ parents and how some were divorced, that maybe that would be better. I didn’t care what they were arguing about, or how it pertained to me really. I just wanted everything to be fine and I wanted my father to stop yelling and my mother to stop crying. From those years on I promised myself that when I got married I wouldn’t marry someone who yelled like my father and I swore that I would not let anyone make me cry as much as my mother. But I have no idea what they fought about.

It was years later when I learned that arguments and fighting and yelling even, are all components of being in a relationship and communicating. I should be thankful that they fought rather than ignoring their problems. Sometimes now I wonder what it was that made them so angry. But children don’t think that way.

My mother once told me that she feels when two people make a child that they have a certain responsibility to stay together to raise that child. I am not sure that I agree. I think those two people have a responsibility to raise that child and put them first, but does that require that they stay together in the process? What if those arguments were about another woman. Would my mother have forgiven my father and accepted that it was the tramp’s fault just so that her children could grow up in an unbroken home?

I tend to believe that monogamy is not a natural instinct but a societal necessity. What kind of society would we have after all if people were running around making babies all over the place with no need for commitment? Most likely a lot of poor pregnant women cussing about a guy who ran off would result (even more so than the way we live today). What would my reaction be if my husband cheated on me? Would I want to know? What if it was a one-time occurrence? What if it was years ago? I have never been married and do not have children but I like to think that I would try to make it work in the interest of my children. I like to think that if I invested enough in another person to marry him that I would buy every book I could find about coping with infidelity.

But somehow I know that wouldn’t work for me. I would always wonder, my trust would be broken. I would of course want my children to have their father, but I just don’t think I could ever accept the fact that my husband was unfaithful. Would I blame the other woman? Not after what I’ve been through. I suppose its natural to want to blame a stranger (assuming she is one) rather than the person you’ve loved and committed yourself to. But you didn’t marry that stranger, and she has absolutely no commitment to you, no responsibility for your children or family. So why is she to blame? Really I don’t care if she climbed nakedly onto his lap and pushed her tits in his face – it’s his infidelity, not hers.