There are those who believe that movies are a kind of art form. I happen to be one of those. I even have a minor degree in Film Theory and Criticism. Yes, this means I am a bit of a movie snob. Yes, it also means I majored and minored in unemployment. However, despite the fact that I have watched and enjoyed many consider snobbish I have a kind of soft spot for bad movies.

I was a huge fan of “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” This was a show where they showed truly awful movies and had these kind of shadows in front of the “screen” who were characters that then made fun of the movies. This made for truly hilarious movie-watching. Sadly, it’s a show that is no longer on the air and one that I, personally, miss greatly.

The types of movies they watched on MST3K were generally low-budget horror films. These were generally the types of movies that you know, five seconds after starting them, that they were awful films. Often these movies had opening credits that were cheesy and awful.

However, there are those of us out here who have our own MST3K festivals. We get together and watch horrible movies and make fun of them. It can be a lot of fun, but it can also take a strong stomach. I am especially fond of big-budget disasters. Sometimes you watch a movie that had millions of dollars behind it. These movies have huge casts with bankable stars in them. Some had directors who have done great things. However, something just went horribly wrong. These are movies that are so bad you actually can still enjoy watching them on your own.

So, I am providing you some of my favorite big-budget bad movies. If you enjoy watching these as well you may want to jot these down and add them to your list. Have one of your parties and enjoy. Some of these really need to be watched in groups. They are not in any particular order. These are all equally stinky.

1. Dune – I recently watched this movie again. David Lynch directed it. Patrick Stewart is in this. It has special effects and space ships. Lots and lots of money was poured into this movie. It is also completely and utterly incomprehensible. For those of you familiar with Frank Herbert’s novels you know that his tales were rich in detail with hundreds of characters and the creation of an entire science fiction religion. Attempting to reduce that to even this three hour mess is a disaster. Plus, you constantly hear people’s thoughts which is never a good thing in a movie unless it happens to be “X-Men.” This movie’s plot is not possible to understand. People do things and then exit. Characters are introduced and then barely speak. You understand no one’s motivations or who is bad and who is good and why. Then all kinds of foreign tongues and words are used without any explanation. Some of the special effects are terrible. Oh, this movie is delightfully bad and painful.

2. Turk 182! – This movie is a prime example of a movie gone horribly wrong. It attempts to tell the tale of how a graffiti artist brings down a mayor. However, the entire film is so poorly filmed it is delightfully bad. Peter Boyle, Timothy Hutton, Robert Culp and Kim Catrall are in this. There is a scene at Giants Stadium that is so poorly filmed and then dubbed it has to be seen to be believed. I defy you to watch that scene and keep a straight face. I feel bad for Paul Sorvino. Invent a drinking game where you take a shot for every bullet Peter Boyle fires that is well past the number six without reloading. Even the musical score for this movie sucks. Kim Catrall, however, remains a slut even in this PG movie.

3. Battlefield Earth – Oh sure, all of the critics piled on this one. How bad could it really be? Oh, my friends, it is so bad. It is so bad you can’t take your eyes off of it. What makes it so painful is you can see tiny hints of the potentially good film lurking just behind what you see on the screen. Travolta takes overacting to new levels. Poor Forrest Whittaker and the hours he must have spent in make up chairs. Of course, I delight in any failure that has to do with anything related to L. Ron Hubbard.

4. The Crow: City of Angels – The first movie in this series was so good. I really am a fan of the original. Marred by tragedy the first in this series is only amplified when you realize Brandon Lee died making it. Since it was such a success someone had to make a sequel. Without Brandon they had to find someone else to play the lead character. Then someone got the brilliant idea to put Iggy Pop in the movie as a villain. He apparently took acting lessons from Travolta and proceeds to scream his lines into the camera. Another movie that is incomprehensible. Such a shame too with such a great first movie.

5. Jaws 2, 3-D and the Revenge – The movie “Jaws” is probably my all-time favorite movie. I have seen it roughly 60,000,000,000 times and can almost recite it from beginning to end. Whoever decided they should make sequels to that movie should be rounded up and shot. Of all of these the second one is the most watchable. That being said, it is still bad. Nothing can prepare you for the third one. Watch as the gigantic shark buries its head in an underwater lab. Didn’t anyone remember a great white has to keep moving forward to survive? No, research would be too much to ask for this movie. The third one was originally in 3-D and that explains the constant assault on the camera. Of course “the Revenge” is in the hall of fame of bad movies. It’s the movie that apparently asks the question: can a great white shark stand on its tail and roar? In a truly awful movie the answer to that question is evidently yes.

6. The Village – After such stunning success with “The Sixth Sense” and “Unbreakable” the chinks in the armor of M. Night started to show with this one. A movie that just doesn’t quite gel the way you think it should. Is it a horror movie? Where’s the twist and when is it coming? Then, when it comes if you don’t shout “oh come on!” then I have to wonder about you. Never has a movie made me want to throw something at the screen as much as this one did. Bryce Dallas Howard is very pleasing to look at. Another movie with a good movie lurking just behind it.

7. The Birds II: Land’s End – This movie was made for cable. If you love bad movies you have to see this one to believe it. This was the first movie I saw where the director had decided to use the fictitious name “Alan Smithee” that is used in Hollywood when a director doesn’t want their real name attached. Dear sweet God this movie is so bad it makes my stomach hurt. It’s a bad movie gem and it’s worth seeking out for your bad movie aficionados.

That’s enough to get you started. I’d love to know your choices. Please start adding to your Netflix queue now.

Bryan W. Alaspa’s new novel Dust is now available at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.