No matter how many times I talk about it, I am still amazed at how confused women are when it comes to men. Ladies, I have to keep telling you, again and again, that men are very, very simple creatures. I can’t tell you how many times I have informed a woman of this only to have her smile, shake her head, and then try to convince me that they know a guy, perhaps their own guy, who is not simple and not the way I portray them. Ladies, that man is a good actor. Many of us have learned who to secure masks to our faces and mastered words that make us seem deeper than we are.

Nothing proves this more than the difference in attitudes towards sex. It is truly amazing that the human race has managed to survive as long as it has. Women tend to want deeper emotional things so whether or not they have sex with someone is tied in with everything that the person they are having sex with has done. This was recently brought home to me with a friend of mine.

The discussion revolved around whether or not a man could have sex with a woman that he had, just earlier that day and the day before, argued with. It seemed beyond my female friend that a man would just be able to put all of that emotion and intensity that had been in the argument aside just to have sex. I was completely baffled that she would tie up sex with all of that emotional excess. Men are always ready for sex ladies. You don’t have to sit there and worry about what you said earlier or if you had an argument about something the day before.

I explained it by saying that when a man is presented with a woman ready, willing and able to have sex, they don’t sit there and ponder whether or not this was the same woman who, the day before, stabbed his cat to death. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but I am willing to bet there are a few men out there reading that and nodding in agreement. So, ladies, if you have stabbed a man’s cat to death the day before, perhaps in an argument about something he did fourteen years ago, you need only strip naked and offer him sex for him to forget about it.

Another good example is the television show, and now movie, “Sex and the City.” I was never a fan of this show. At some point, the women on that show just became annoying and whiny and wouldn’t shut up. Women, on the other hand, found themselves within the characters. The entire show was built around the idea of women sitting around talking endlessly about sex, their relationships, whether or not they should have sex and the emotions they felt after having sex. They spent a lot of time wondering if they should or should not have sex with certain men within the show.

This would never work with guys. They could never build a guy’s version of “Sex and the City,” ever. It would be a show about ten seconds long.

BURLY DUDE WITH RED HAIR LIKE MIRANDA: So, you gonna bang that chick you met last week tonight?

BURLY DARK HAIRED DUDE WHO KIND OF LOOKS LIKE KRISTIN DAVIS: Hell yeah!

BURLEY BLONDE DUDE WHO LOOKS LIKE SARAH JESSICA PARKER: But didn’t she call your mother a slut just last week?

BURLEY DARK HAIRED DUDE WHO KIND OF LOOKS LIKE KRISTIN DAVIS: So? She’s hot!

Then the credits would roll. If you had to pad it out to half an hour you would have endless shots of men discussing sports in minutiae and sitting in front of their television belching and scratching. There would, perhaps, be a scene of all of them high-fiving after the dude has sex with the woman who called his mother a slut and congratulations for having “hit that” but that would pretty much be it.

Within a woman’s brain, everything is connected and related to everything else. Everything you do affects how you react to what is happening right now. So, if that guy once said something bad about your mother in passing fifteen years ago, it is perfectly acceptable to bring that out now, fifteen years later, now that you have decided to have sex with him. Why? Because not only do they keep track of things like that, but it is all connected.

Men’s brains are compartmentalized. Therefore, if you are a guy and that girl you have been pursuing for fifteen years has finally decided to have sex with you, you are NOT thinking about things that happened fifteen years ago. You are not remembering the night you made her cry by saying something mean, in passing, likely while drunk, about her mother. All you are thinking is, geez, she and I are finally going to have sex! This is great! Does my breath smell bad?

So, ladies, stop worrying so much about how we think. Stop digging around for deeper water where there is none. Just realize that the man standing in front of you most likely is not trying to connect to you emotionally, but he is definitely trying to get a better angle so he can see down your shirt. Yes, we pretty much want to see all breasts and any time, too.

Bryan Alaspa is a featured writer for Xomba.com, read the rest of his work here .