The Truth in the Horses Mouth . . . (by Les Porter) (C)

In a monastery, an Abbey, high in the beautiful Austrian Alps, the Question arose . . .

It was a Question simple, but it raised considerable furor, and was discussed more, and more, and serious people were involved. It was a consuming Question, one that, eventually, involved all the learned disciples of the Abbey, embroiling them in study. Noble arguments were espoused and deep searching occurred. Every text was read and reread. And not a clue came forth.

The Question: In a Horses Mouth, How Many Teeth Reside?

Within a month after the Question arose it had spread like wildfire in the hearts of the studious faithful, around and through the Church of Europe, abbey to abbey, monk to monk -- monastery to monastery, finally leaping aboard a ship and floating to the British Isles, spreading. The Question was a religious conflagration, rushing like fiery Islam, riding with hordes across the Holy Lands 700 hundred years before.

The Question charged to the East, to Russia; it raged across Spain and Portugal. It jumped the straits, leaped to Africa, even penetrating through false beliefs and moving on. On every pathway the Question spread. It reached the edges of Byzantium, and exploded into the Orthodox fringes of Constantinople.

And every book, every scroll, every text-scrap in every monastic nook, read and reread. No answer sprang forth. The Churches teachings and records covered many, many things, but the right book and study had not been found. The Question spread, like a ripple in a still pool with a convoluted shore, spread as waves to splash into each other on the far side of barren lands or islands or empty lakes and seas, these waves of searching inquisitions sometimes coming together and rolling past each other.

One day, in the heart of the very Abbey where the great Question started, one young novitiate, brilliant of promise and skill, but ignorant of the way of things -- rose to his superiors and said: "Your graces, your exalted eminences, your Honors, I, humble one, I have the answer to the Question!" There was triumph in the voice, despite his claim of humility.

The Abbey's Abbot rose, commanded him, "Show us!"

"We have ass’s, jacks and jennies, horses fair and mares, onager, burros, and mules down here in the court yard tied, and in pasture kept. All we need do is go to each and open its mouth and count the teeth! Count them, and if some appear to be missing add the suspected number. Between kinds of asses and horses if there are differences, we can average the number and distribute it over the number of horses or beasts of carriage counted! The answer will be readily apparent, obvious."

Without ceremony, he was summarily banished, excommunicated, sent packing, cursed and put out. He did not understand the way of things.

The Question's arguments raged. The Search for the Answer to the Question raged on.

Finally, in the order and passage of time, a Great Ecumenical was convened in the city of Rome and learned men took their knowledge to the epicenter of the faith. The vast libraries of Rome yielded no answer either; the multitudes of texts were scoured, even reorganized into a more 'divinely meaningful' arrangement, a heavenly body of knowledge. This organization exposed what even early Pontiffs knew, the very necessity of structure within the process of questioning and searching the vast knowledge of the Church. To test the massive reorganization accomplished, trial questions were asked and answered rapidly, but no Answer emerged for the Question.

There were rumors wafting through the throngs of clergy, the learned high priests of faith. Preceding a long awaited arrival, rumors spoke of a learned man from Africa; rumors spoke of the Nubian Envoy. Rumors spoke of his bearing a text to the center of the faith with the answer to present to all. No one could check the rumor, or quell it, but all anxiously awaited arrival of the Nubian.

Reports were read and talks given to assure that the Question had been asked properly of all the researchers.

Finally and with a majestic stride the tall dark Nubian arrived before the eminences. He knelt in humility, then rose when summoned by the Pontiff.

In an ancient tongue few recognized, but enough recognized to interpret the Nubian, the Nubian spoke. “We of Nubia are on the far periphery of the faith's domain, to the south. Many untrue faiths and beliefs intervene between us and Mother Rome.” He said, "We are not certain exactly, even of the Question, as it came to us. But we have heard it was about the number of teeth in the mouth of a horse” a murmur rose from the crowded space.

And the Nubian spoke."We have discovered an ancient text which deals with a Zebra, which is a Horse of a Different Color."

The Holy Father could not restrain the crowded voices, but when the ruckus settled, he invoked the Nubian, “Proceed, Son of Man, Child of God through Faith, and tell us what you have found.”

A text on a roll of old papyrus was held by the Nubian and Read. “And the Mouth of the Zebra is a mouth of teeth for grass. And of the Zebra, his Mouth is “Full” of teeth.”

A cry rose up but diminished. “How many?” was asked quietly.

Into the long night and half the next day, the meaning of the meaning of the word that was used for “Full” in the ancient text as read was deeply and eloquently discussed. But it was no use.

Yet, finally it was decided. On the edge of Faith the answer was miraculous indeed. Somberly, and with minimal ceremony, before the delegates mounted horses, asses, steeds of many kinds, studs and mares, burros, an onager, and dozens of mules -- the solution to the Question was announced. And with it, the delegates encouraged with this answer burning in their breast, given leave and order to return to other religious work awaiting.

The Answer to the Question then was settled. It was declared an Unresolvable and Glorious Mystery.

The long return home for all commenced; back to the vast workings of the Church.
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That is Scholasticism, somewhat on a par with legalism and court fare, akin to the realm of precedent.

Reason, in a real sense, seldom enters either. That there be a bifurcation simple -- some thing to divide the real world from truth and false, and the sum of knowledge, progress make. But with this Question, only Mystery, is the religious answer.

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Why did not they investigate the Vulgar?
Why did they not open the Mouth of the Horse and Count the teeth?

Why, indeed?

When I would wrap up the spiel, I would recommend to the adherents, to the faithful, to the administrative record keepers, and to the scientists, to make the effort to preserve their observations and measurements, their data, for others to examine, or at least compare, since often some experiments or analyses were rarely repeated in the work, or was too expensive to repeat or research again, and mindfully beware, and aware: Conditions change. Where it it written it assumes itself, a new and long life.
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The story, I got this verbally, but wrote it into a piece many years ago to use when I would speak to small groups, interface with NARA (National Archives and Records Administration) and would speak of scientific record keeping. . . NO, I did not work for NARA. My government science job 'interfaced' now and again with NARA...Realize that I wrote this 10 - 12 maybe more, years ago. It may exist differently on each of several crashed hard drives, and four or five computers ago. So it is coming out of my fallible memory (a shallow clone of a vaster vision); possibly damaged.

This was an outgrowth of a religion/science squabble, the kind you never can win; and who cares if you do or don't? I was trying to soften the tone. I was suggesting the participants become good models for your short stories or novels, using the written arguments for characterization. What kind of character would I then be? I think I fail(ed) as a diplomat.