Today I feel kind of jittery like theres a monkey on my back. My main goal is to figure out how to shake him, and keep him off my back. You might say that that fool is loonier than Looney Tunes, but I can actually feel satans presence, on my back. There is a rap I wrote awhile back called Shaky Feelings, that goes a little someting like this,
I feel jittery like a junky, wild like a monkey. Sometimes I wana go outside and kill some ******. I can't explain the feeling, but it's gonna hit the ceiling all I wana do is commit a bunch of killings. I'm full of hate, and anger. Around too much danger. I don't know whos' my friend or who's the f'n stranger. Seems like I got that devil in me. I don't feel free. Somethings very evil in me. Telling me to do this, and do that.........."

I have been feeling this way for quite sometime now. Today though his presence for some reason feels alot stronger than usual. I had written a blog called, "A Deal With The Devil." But I erased it because I felt it was condemning me, and defying God. Now I feel the opposite. Why? I don't know but here are some reasons why I think that theres a monkey on my back.

First of all I have dreams to be very rich. I have dreams to be famous. I have not accomplished any of those goals or dreams yet, and I believe it's because I haven't sold my soul to the devil. I have entertained the thought of doing so but I am also scared that he will trick me and I want be able to enjoy life as a rich, and famous person. At least not long. Stories of Dr. Faustaus and the rich and famous, and the tale of The meeting a blues artist had at the cross roads are good reasons why I'm also scared to deal with the devil.

Yet there is something inside me that wants to deal anyway. And since I haven't done so yet, he is riding my back like a jockey on horseback. Theres a lottery here in Tennessee worth $155,000,000, and I want to win it. But whom shall I seek my blessings from if I want to win that money that bad. I know that money is the root to all evil,and I am very capable of commiting some unforgiving sins if I was to win that lottery. Do you think? I mean, I might have some one killed. I might get high as a kite and die from drug over dose. I might also commit adultery, or fornication. Whatever you want to call it. But, I don't think so. I don't think that I would stoop that low and satan, and God knows it as well. So maybe that's why I haven't won the lottery yet. Maybe that's why satan doesn't want to make a deal with me because he knows that if I win that lotto I will renig on my contract with him. So why is it that I feel A Monkey On My Back? Is it my nerves or what?

They say that know sin is greater than the other. I have drugged, commited adultery, stoled, lied, and lord knows what else. Does that still mean that I'm going to hell? I have repented and asked God for his forgiveness several time, and so far besides writting this blog, and How Did God Become God, I feel like I have been doing good as far as not sinning is concerned. The only sins I have commited lately is stinking thinking. Is that why theres A Monkey On My Back? Or is it because I want to get high; I want to have sex with alots of women that I find sexy and voluptuos; I want to be rich and famous regardless of the outcome. I don't know. I think I'm just feeling bad today and I do want to win that lotto, but I am scared of what $155,000,000, could do to me, my family and those I come in contact with afterwards. In other words I'm just babbling. Christians say that I should shake the devil off. But, I don't know if I want to or not. I want to win that lotto tommorrow, and that's it.

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