I often hear men posing questions asking, “Why do women do X?” Being the type of woman who, for whatever reason and in spite of my rampaging feminism, many guys seem to feel comfortable talking to, I often get this question posed directly to me.

I am sometimes able to give some insight into why, perhaps, many women tend to do certain things. There are common social pressures we may all feel which can contribute common causes. Most of the time, though, I remind whoever I'm talking to that women are, in fact, individuals with unique personalities, tastes, and life experiences, and that first of all, not all women do X, second of all, the women that DO do X probably do it for a number of different reasons, and thirdly of all, we women don't have some type of supernatural mind meld that allows us to free access to the thoughts and motivations of one another, so how am I supposed to know?

Lately, there are several questions, several Things That Women Do, that I've found myself fully and completely stumped regarding the question of “why?”

I present these for your consideration, but also so that I might hear from some of the other females out there who are just as confused as I am.

1. Flashing for beads.

I've never understood women who are willing to take their tops off at festivals in order to receive a set of cheap,crappy, mass-ordered-straight-from-the-Oriental-Trading-Company-catalog beads. If you're going to sell your dignity, shouldn't you get a higher price? Why would you do it for a piece of junk that's likely going to annoy you for a few days, then end up in a landfill?

Now, if they were flashing their breasts, for beer, I might understand...

2. Avoiding sex.

Okay, I do have a number of theories about why this happens (which you can read about in this article), but when it comes to women who just plain aren't interested in having sex, I don't get it. What's not to like? You know, unless you don't like him, in which case, find one that you do like.

And no, chocolate is not better than an orgasm; I should know, I've had both.

3. Shoes.

As far as I'm concerned, shoes should be functional. If I'm getting excited about a pair of shoes, it's because they're sturdy, comfortable, and will help me do neat stuff like hike and climb and run. Even when I am feeling all girly and in a mood to get dressed up and pretty (yes, it does happen), I couldn't care less about what's on my feet – who really looks, anyway?

4. Purse dogs.

First, it's an animal, not an accessory. Secondly, dog + purse = dog pee on your checkbook. No thanks.

5. Nails.

Unless you're Catwoman or a classical guitar player, I really don't see the point of having long fingernails. They're expensive, they're a pain in the butt to maintain, they hurt like hell when they break, and they get in the way of doing almost everything.

6. Ending friendships over unimportant crap.

This one causes me more confusion than any other. How many times do you see female friendships strained, stressed, and destroyed over the most insignificant little misunderstandings, offenses, or just from blowing things way out of proportion? Want to have an argument with your best friend, or criticize anything she ever says or does? Sorry, you'll now be sworn enemies. Ladies, why can't our friendships be worth more to us than that?