I'm a big believer in the terrible threes, not the terrible twos. Why? Because I managed to get through the toddler tantrum phase without having this behavior take over my household. Understanding why toddlers have tantrums provides the best key to resolving and eliminating this behavior problem in your child. It's a normal, attention seeking activity for all toddlers so don't believe you're the only parent suffering through this phase.

What causes tantrums?

Toddlers are busy; busy with play, busy growing, and busy in their minds. The problem is that many little ones aren't quite able to vocalize exactly how they feel or what they want. This causes your normally sweet child to become a bundle of frustration. Instead of struggling with the correct words or trying to solve a toy dilemma, your child will scream and kick, throw himself to the floor, and pound his fists angrily. It's some serious high drama! And it's very real to a toddler.

Triggers for tantrums could be just about anything. Fatigue is one of the most common. Missing that nap or not enough night time sleep is a recipe for a tantrum every day. Make sure your toddler is getting plenty of rest. Hunger also can be the cause. Remember that your child doesn't really understand why his tummy is rumbling; it just hurts. Make sure mealtimes are regulated, with healthy snacks during the day. Keeping a regular daily schedule as much as possible can alleviate many tantrum triggers.

Stop those tantrums

Hollering at your child won't do any good. He'll just scream louder. Of course, the whole show is for your benefit. He's mad and he wants you to know it. You've got some options besides just suffering through the damage to your eardrums.

1. Distraction Try picking up your child and directing them towards another toy, a snack, or a drink of water. Sometimes children need some help getting over "their mad." Providing a different avenue for their attention works admirably in stopping a tantrum in its tracks.

2. Ignore the tantrum Make sure your child is safe and then leave the room. The audience is gone so the tantrum will eventually stop. You might even get really lucky and your child may have cried himself to sleep. Tantrums are exhausting. Keeping up that level of racket requires a tremendous amount of energy. After a few days of seeing Mommy and Daddy's complete indifference to a display of temper, your child will most likely stop tantrums altogether. Be consistent.

3. Time out My children have been visiting time out since they were old enough to stand alone. We use either the bottom step or their bedrooms. While that might seem unreasonable, I do this because they definitely need to know their behavior limits. A toddler throwing a tantrum is unacceptable behavior. Calmly telling the child that they can come out of timeout for a hug when they are finished being mad is reasonable. This tactic also gives your child incentive to stop the tantrum on his own.

4. Remove from the situation There might be times that your child melts down in the grocery. Maybe it's at the clothing store. You've got errands to run and he's screaming at the top of his lungs because he wants a balloon. Pick him up and leave the store. Do not reward this behavior by giving in. While it might be inconvenient for you, you cannot send the wrong message to your child by caving in every time he doesn't get something he wants.

Toddlers are a joy. They are learning every day and their delight in their world is a beautiful thing to see. Controlling these tantrums and working to eliminate them makes for sunnier days for both you and your child. Be consistent as possible and of course, be patient. Soon your toddler's tantrums will be a thing of the past.