Yesterday at the mall, I watched a mother as she asked her young son to stop skipping between the blocks of tile and to walk beside her like a “little man.” I’m sure I probably did that with my children and my parents did it to me. As parents we want our children to be well behaved but we also want them to be like everyone else. I think we lose something in doing that – perhaps a part of the child that can never be reclaimed.
I was different as a child, and so many times I remember my parents or teachers telling me that I needed to do what everyone else was doing. My parents were Christians and I was expected to act in a certain way. I understand that now, but by encouraging our children to be like everyone else perhaps we are discouraging them from becoming who they really are. Life is full of rules and we try so hard to teach our children the rules of the game. It’s important sometimes to conform and go along with the crowd. But often children and adults are made to feel like there is something wrong with them if they do not do this.
Children are so innocent. They don’t think about others as much as they think about themselves. They want to do and know everything. But gradually they come to accept the limitations that adults place upon them. They stop skipping and start to imitate those around them. I always wondered who defined normal, different and other such words. I think to get along in this world we do need to behave in certain ways but I think somehow we should retain our individuality.
A few years ago several management books were published on finding your strengths. The premise was that we should put more emphasis on developing our strong points (strengths) and less emphasis on those things we can not change (weaknesses). Anyone who has ever been married knows this is true. Sometimes parents try so hard to correct all the flaws in their children that all the emphasis is on the negative. For most of us it is probably easier to make our strengths stronger than to make our weaknesses go away.
If you have a child that seems to be a little different from everyone else it’s probably OK. Being different does not have to be a weakness. Forcing someone to be something they do not want to be prevents them from discovering who they really are. It is OK to be different.