To my brother:

I feel like I've lost my chance to get to know you. Even though we hardly talk and see each other, but maybe once a year, joining the Air Force makes me feel like you'll be gone forever.

I spent so much time surrounded by hatred for our mother that I forgot to be the big sister for you. You grew up lucky.You had your Dad to be there for you and help you get through everything. Our grandparents took me in but I couldn't talk to them. All they wanted was for me to forgive our mother and move on. They never understood. And though both our uncles and aunt sympathized with me, I was never free to say how I really felt.

I know it had to have been so difficult to see Dad hurt so badly. But you were both hurt and had each other. Sometimes I wished your Dad had adopted me officially, then he might have won custody.

I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and how sorry I was for not being there for you. But it wouldn't do you any good now you've grown. It seems as though you have accepted everything that happened.