Top 10 Things People Are Willing To Do While Drunk

Have you ever noticed that when you are drunk, every idea that creeps into your cloudy, convoluted brain is the best idea you have ever had? With that in mind, I give you the top 10 things people are willing to do while drunk:

10. Drink more. It seems that the drunker we get, the lower our ability to recognize our "cut off" point. This seems to happen most frequently while playing Beer Pong or while someone else's wallet is open with the intention of buying shots.

9. Sing lyrics to complicated songs. Why do we think that we can sputter out the words to Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" after we've tossed back five Red Bull and vodkas when we can't even do it after having five plain Red Bulls? Yeah...

8. Get in fights. This applies to both verbal and physical altercations. We always seem to think that we are the toughest mofo to ever work it when actually we are slurring our speech trying to insult our opponent. So we end up saying "You wanna say thaaa to ma face, bissshhh? I'll kick yaa-asss.....". And then we fall off our stilettos trying to gesticulate wildly in a demonstration of exactly how we are going to kick the bitch's ass.

7. Say ridiculously inappropriate things. This is pretty broad spectrum but it happens everytime because we always wake up the next day and go "What the f*ck did I say?". For example, you are at the family reunion and you've had a bottle of cabernet in an attempt to numb out the incessant questioning about when you are going to meet someone decent to marry. You then turn to your MOTHER and tell her that you haven't had sex in 517 days. Because hey, mom's cool like that, right?

6. Show overly exaggerated expressions of affection. Of course, everyone within arms reach wants to know not only that you love them, but exactly how much you love them.
"Man, I love you. No no no...you're not hearing me. I LOVE you. I F*CKING LOVE YOU, BRO!" Followed by the hand grab, chest bump, back pat, ass slap...whathaveyou. Repeat eight times before the night is over.

5. Smoke. Smokers become chain smokers. We light one cigarette off of the end of the previous one while drunk. Non-smokers all of a sudden find it not only socially acceptable, but cool to pick up a nicotine habit. Not only that, but after spending most of their time lecturing us on reasons to quit smoking, they are now bumming cigarettes off of us. Both groups wake up wheezing and vowing never to smoke again. For the smokers, that vow lasts until 1pm.

4. Dance. When not drunk, there are people who are willing to dance and people who are not. When we are drunk, everyone is Michael Flatley: Lord of the Dance. We become a Bud Light clenching version of Napolean Dynamite. The non-dancers start to conquer a whole new area of life that was previously unavailable. As if they are spelunkers discovering a new diamond mine. The real dancers now have "dance offs" where the floor becomes a lame ass version of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" video. Without fail, someone cries because a drunk fool thinks that their three years of tap at Miss Molly's Dance Academy in Idaho qualifies them for a dance off in the middle of CroBar. End of dance off.

3. Make out with strangers. The beer goggles set in four beers ago. You are pondering why Stella Artois has been being brewed in the same tradition since 1366. You get nudged (or hipchecked) by the stool (or tool) next to you. They appear to resemble Angelina Jolie/George Clooney. The making out ensues. Twenty minutes later, one of you does the obligatory "I just need to go to the bathroom." Goodbye forever...

2. Eat unbelievably gross foods. Foods you would never eat, foods that are unacceptable for consumption, foods in revolting combinations. You stumble home after complete pollution and boy are the munchies calling to you. You dig through the cabinet and really don't feel like boiling pasta or baking cookies. So you prepare yourself a plate of enchiladas. Except that the enchiladas contain: olives, potato chips, lima beans, Hidden Valley Ranch dressing and a shredded Polly-O string cheese. Oh and since there are no tortillas in the kitchen, you substitute with slices of Canadian bacon. Buon appetito!

And the number one thing that everyone is willing to do when they are drunk....

1. DRUNK DIAL!!! It is an unspoken fact that our ex-lovers secretly are dying for us to call them at 4:00am and ramble incoherently into their voice mail. Everyone knows it. Seriously though, this is never a good idea. Regardless of your state of inebriation, never ever drunk dial an ex. It always results in booty calls that shouldn't happen or arguements over the fact that they still have your My Little Ponies in their basement. And friends don't let friends drink and dial. K?