Finally, part two of my list of the ten most ridiculous quests ever to be inflicted upon a gameplayer. This list really took forever, not because there aren't tons of pointless, boring and just plain stupid quests in videogames, but because after playing so many of them, they all just blur together after awhile. What game can you name that doesn't have you doing something asinine at least once or twice during it? There were a few things I really wanted to include, but couldn't because they aren't exactly "quests," per se, but are still stupid, like digging through trash in Earthbound (SNES) and in some cases finding HAMBURGERS which you will at some point actually EAT, or trading stuff in Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (Gameboy) even though at one point you trade an aligator a can of dog food (which he then proceeds to eat) for a BANANA

Anyway, here's the second half of this list:

6) Making friends with dogs in Metal Gear Solid (PSX). It's great that Meryl is such a dog lover that she doesn't want you to kill any of the vicious wolves who are in the underground cave. There has to be some way to keep them from attacking you. Maybe if you put a cardboard box over yourself they won't notice you? Hey, what's that one wolf doing? No don't lift your leg! Nooooooo!!!!! Thanks a lot, Meryl.

7) Rescuing Dai from the deepest darkest dungeon in Shining In The Darkness (Genesis). So somehow Dai has found his way into a very deep part of the labrynth. He's cowering in a corner! So you, being the kind-hearted knight that you are, agree to help him make his way back to the surface. When you do, he agrees to join your party until you get back to town, and will fight in battle occasionally. Marvel at his fighting skills as he leaps out at enemies and does... 10 points of damage?! How in the HELL did he make it all the way down to that point in the dungeon if he can only do 10 points of damage?! My brain can't take this sort of videogame logic...

8) Finding out the value of money in Phantasy Star Online (Dreamcast). Several of the quests you get from the guild in PSO are ridiculous (find a cupcake? talk to weird yellow birds?), but none are quite as stupid, annoying, boring and creepy as "The Value Of Money." Meet the poor wife whose husband spends all their hard-earned cash buying weapons for his weapon collection. Talk to him and try to convince him to stop. Go back to his wife and have her yell at you for not convincing him. Go back to him and try again. Screw up one of the responses and just do it all over again. Keep it up until you convince him that his tactics are not a good idea. He'll then confess to being a... are you ready for it?... WEAPON FETISHIST! Ugh. Thanks, buddy, but I didn't really want to know that. Talk to his wife again and she'll UNDERSTAND, but still want you to get him to knock it off for now. He'll stop since there's no more money to spend on his perverted, sick weapon fetish. Shudder at the thought and move on to the next quest, hoping that it isn't as uncomfortable.

9) Looking for an Inn sign and running errands for a real b-- er, witch in Diablo (PC, Playstation). This is actually a two-way tie between two annoying and stupid quests in Diablo. In one, a demon has raided the village and stolen... A FREAKIN SIGN. And yes you have to go retrieve it, never mind the danger to life and limb. Why did the demon steal it? No one knows. What is the demon doing with it? No one knows (and not sure if you want to know). Why can't Ogden just make a new sign? NO ONE KNOWS! (Once again, Farnham the town drunk is the only one with a bit of sense. He suggests Ogden goes out and buys a new sign, this time with a picture of beer or food on it instead of a sun, since a sun has NOTHING to do with a bar.) In the other quest, Adria the town witch wants you to bring her a black truffle... er, mushroom for a potion she's working on. Find it and give it to her and she tells you to go talk to Pepin the town healer because he needs the brain of a demon. Fetch that demon brain and take it back to Pepin and he'll give you an elixir to take to the witch... who tells you she doesn't even need it! Wow, I just spent forever getting this crap for her and she doesn't want it. What exactly was the point of that? Oh well I can keep the potion anyway.

10) Performing one small favor for one big lying jerk in Runescape (Web Only Game). It was difficult to just choose one quest in Runescape to feature since a good 90% of them are so boring, stupid and ridiculous, but "One Small Favor" has to really take the cake (unlike collecting ingredients for the cake... never mind, I can't make a good pun about one of the OTHER horrible quests in this game). Paying a visit to Yanni's antique shop will let you meet a very un-demanding man with a very simple, short quest for you to go on. I guess when Yanni isn't boring people with his music, he's boring them with his long-ass quests? Oh, that's a different Yanni, huh? Anyway, he wants some mahogany. In order to get mahogany you have to convince a forester to give you some. The forester will be happy to give you some mahogany... if you'll get Captain Shanks to help him get his blunt axe fixed. The captain refuses to do it. Instead, he wants you to go and get it fixed yourself. So hop on his boat and take it to the axe shop in Port Sarim. Speak to Brian at the axe shop to hear his tale of woe. His friend is in prison so for some reason he's too distraught to fix your axe. Huh? At this point you can be forgiven for smashing in your computer monitor. If you choose not to, please for the love of god don't continue this quest. You'll be talking to a witch to ask her to be a character witness for Brian's friend, finding the witch's missing friend, trying to get chicken in order to get Jimmy out of jail... and on and on and on and on and on and on and on AND ON! I can't verify that this is the LONGEST fetch quest ever, or the most convoluted, stupid and boring, but it is the most recent one I've played, and thus, it's the one that is freshest in my memory. If there is a worse fetch quest out there, please don't tell me. My head can't handle it.

So there you have it, the ten most ridiculous quests ever. And since ame designers show no signs of stopping this madness, this list will never truly be complete. The horror... the horror...