I went into the cell phone place the other day and was presented with two cell phone contracts for my communication needs. This story is an allegory and is actually going somewhere. So beware, because it was written by Wdzzz.

The two contracts were stapled together, but I had to sign which one I wanted. I read through them and it was kind of confusing, so I ask the people behind the counter and they said, “Oh the first one is best.” So, I just signed the first one and off I went with my glorious new communication needs fulfilled.

The next month I got my bill and it was huge. I called up the cell phone place and complained about my bill and they just basically said, “You signed the contract and there are huge penalties involved in this contract, but if you try real hard you can work on lowering your bill.”

With much encouragement from the representative I started diving into my bill. There were penalties for using it on Sundays, which I found out later was from Friday night to Saturday night. There where penalties for not paying my bill on time; for not showing up at the weekly cell phone convention. There were penalties for swearing on the phone. You name it; there were penalties for almost everything you could think of. The bad thing was, the more I tried the harder it seemed to get.

There was a remedy to pay for all the extra fees but the location I had to go to, to cancel the fees, was thousands of miles away and they were no longer allowed to write off the fees because of a fire a long time ago.

After deep searching and research I found out about a clause where I could actually switch contracts. So, I went in and talked to the representatives and they said “Oh yeah, you figured it out.” So, we switched my contract.

The next month I was still getting extra charges from my local office. So, I went back in to the office and started talking to them. They ran me around in circles. I finally went home and researched and studied that new contract. Around and around I went with them about the new contract. They used fear, guilt, they tried to appealed to my greedy nature and my pride, just to keep me following both contracts. They even were trying to charge me ten percent of my total income on my bill.

When researching and reading the new contract I had signed, I started coming to the understanding that under this contract I was a representative to the cell phone company’s main office. I was like wow! So, the local office no longer had control over me; I was now a local office.

As I researched more I found out that my phone bill was pretty much free, and that I was only charged what I charged others. I came to find out that how I dealt with my customers; the main corporate office dealt with me. I found out in this contract that if I actually forgave a bill and sent a refund check, a bonus check from the main office would come to me. The legal clause went something like, ‘Give and it shall be given to you, shaken and pressed down shall be poured into your lap.’

There were other similar clauses that talked about how the corporate office would deal with me since I was now an ambassador of the company. Clauses like, ‘Do not judge least you be judged; blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy, shouldn’t you have cancelled your servants debt since I canceled yours?’

It is actually so freeing. I get to run a local office of God and send out the good news (gospel), that your cell phone bill has now been canceled, and you can become your own local office, when the main office thinks the time is right, of course.

Oh yeah, he reserves the right to cancel your license if you start treating your customers bad or if you turn and do evil with the privileges he has given you. But, you are no longer under a set of rules, you are free.

Oh by the way, the main boss is a really nice guy, and he loves to get calls. He has been waiting for you to call for quite a long time. He even takes calls at 2 am. I have even seen him send some of his personal messengers to get me out of a jam. He is good like that.

Oh beware, some of the local cell phone company in your area may not like you telling about the New Covenant and will try anything they can to get rid of you. They like putting heavy charges on their customers, yet they aren’t willing to lift a finger to help them; for they like doing that to their customers so they can control their lives and feel good about themselves. But, don’t worry; there are some other decent local offices out there. Sometimes they just don’t know and are still trying to maintain the obligations of both contracts. You may have to struggle with them a little but they are worth it.

God Bless,

Remember he is still waiting for you to call…

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