Uh oh…..it’s Valentine’s Day

Two words: Valentine’s Day. To most American males this spells certain death, but miraculously we’re still around the day after. What is it with us guys, we’ll be thinking about this day for months before hand but procrastinate our purchases till the day before. I myself have been a prime example of that, I’ll stroll into the card aisle the day before to find myself surrounded by a crowd of confused and angry males. If you’re crazy enough to look for a card on the actual day (I have fallen victim to this folly before) you’ll notice this section is completely ravaged and you’ll be left with a selection that are unfelt and cheesy. How do I know this you ask? Well it’s happened to me twice in my marital career, I still am plagued by nightmares. The leftover card selection is so lame that you’d be better off having an illiterate 3rd grader do you one up.

If you’re like me you dread shopping for your mate, it seems like out of all the things they have its nearly impossible to figure out what they want without deliberately asking. It’s maddening, I think retailer’s get together and create the rules for this day just to turn it into a day to pull on the heart strings and fatten their 1st quarter numbers. Well this year is going to be different; I have my plan already in the works. Nothing will stop me from looking like a Valentine’s Day hero for my wife. I can’t divulge my plot to conquer the almighty St. Valentine and his maniacal plan to make us men look like brainless morons (as if we don’t do so bad proving that on our own most of the time).

The only advice I can give is to shoot from the heart and be honest. Even in the worst of times it has been my best weapon. Ignore all the “diamonds are a girls best friend” commercials, their just trying to brainwash you. Chocolates? No way, 2 seconds after I went that route I was asked; “Are you trying to make me fat?” Oh no, deer in headlights look. No real way to answer this one as if you say no then your told that you are lying and if you say yes you better be wearing a helmet. Okay I have decided I will give a slight hint to what my plan is to pulling off a successful and meaningful Valentine’s Day, rose petals, chocolate covered strawberries, and sparkling cider (inexpensive sophisticated appeal without the headache and memory impairment). There now I hope that will give some ideas to anyone that feels like Valentine’s Day could be their last day on earth. Good luck!

-AngryDago-