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Vegblog 1/2/09: The Writer as Diarist

posted January 2, 2009 - 2:26pm
Vegblog 1/2/09: The Writer as Diarist

Why do we write, and for whom do we write? We write to record, to inform, to educate, to enlighten, to shock, to entertain. Webster’s dictionary defines “writer” as “one who writes, esp. as an occupation; author.” I would argue that “author” has come to be used as a euphemism for someone who can’t really write but somehow manages to get herself in print anyway because she has an interesting personal story to tell or useful ideas to share. But that’s another issue.

Some of us writers are content with keeping a diary or journal for our eyes only and would be mortified if anyone else ever peeked at what we wrote. Others write diaries with an eye to posterity. Anaís Nin falls into that category. This shamelessly self-absorbed high school dropout and groupie extraordinaire holds the record for writing voluminous diaries in which she name drops (she had a lot of names of drop), praises herself, discusses sex and her many lovers, and in general guarantees that she will never be forgotten. Her diaries (along with her erotica) were her entire oeuvre.

Contrast the narcissistic Nin, who made a career out of revealing her own life to the world, with the moody, insular, intellectual Virginia Woolf, who, as the last creative act of her life, filled her pockets with rocks and threw herself into the River Ouse. Woolf kept a personal diary from which her husband Leonard extrapolated portions that he deemed safe for public view after her death because they reflected her inner struggles as a writer of both fiction and nonfiction. He called it simply “A Writer’s Diary”.

Here’s what Woolf reveals about the writing process on November 10, 1936 that most of us can relate to: “On the whole it has gone better this morning. It’s true my brain is so tired of this job it aches after an hour or less. So I must dandle it, and gently immerse it. Yes, I think it’s good; in its very difficult way.” She’s referring to her last novel “The Years”. Woolf later compares writing it to “a long childbirth” (interestingly, she never had children). And she talks about “the certainty of failure”. It’s clear that embracing writing as a career can be, at times, a tedious grind, even for a genius like Virginia Woolf. In fact, it took her about six years to write the aptly titled “The Years”. Three weeks after the last entry in her diary, Woolf killed herself.

Another example of a writer who kept a journal that was published posthumously (with some portions yet to be published) and killed herself (by inserting her head in a gas oven) is the poet Sylvia Plath. Which may be a cautionary tale about revealing too much of oneself to oneself, if you don’t happen to have the natural optimism of an Anaís Nin.

The autobiography and the memoir are the polished cousins of the basic stream-of-consciousness diary. Autobiographies are a lengthier, more scholarly and pretentious form of memoir, in my view. In the 21st century, memoirs, which generally deal with smaller pieces of a life, have flooded the publishing market, I think because all they require is a decent story to grip the reader and a skilled editor to help you get it down. Or, alternatively, a boring story written in such beautiful prose that the reader doesn’t notice the lack of real substance. Memoirs are a good choice for writers who feel most comfortable writing about themselves rather than making up stories about other people. And, of course, if you plan to write a memoir, it’s useful to have a diary you can refer to.

Lastly, my admittedly subjective, short list of books on writing (there are thousands):

A Writer’s Diary (Virginia Woolf)
A Room of One’s Own (Virginia Woolf)
Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life (Natalie Goldberg)
Writing Down the Bones (Natalie Goldberg)
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft (Stephen King)
On Writing Well (William Zinsser)
If You Want to Write (Brenda Ueland)
Why I Write: Thoughts on the Craft of Fiction (Will Blythe, editor)
Elements of the Writing Craft (Robert Olmstead)
Writing the Natural Way (Gabriele Lusser Rico)



Comments

You could say that, mythman

Because ultimately, everything you write, fiction or non-, is filtered through your unique experiences and persona.

veghead's Xombytes

The Diary IS the Most-Direct OutFlow of a Writer

All the other types of writing are usually extrapolations of the diary, I would believe.---Uncle MythMan of the Professional Friends who GET MONEY for Echoing the Universe (the Wonderful World Above & the Beauty Amidst)

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

Brothers would be a problem, Whit Bell

As an only child with a single mother who had no interest in reading my diary, I felt freer to let it all hang out on paper, and boy, did I! Unlike you, I can’t get myself to throw away any of my diaries (or my old calendars, for that matter). They’re a part of my personal history, and when I’m trying to figure out when something happened, when I traveled somewhere or met someone, or whatever, I can always refer to them. But when I decide that I’m getting close to the end game, I’ll burn them. One reason I liked Orlando was because I lived in San Francisco for so many years and the gender-bending aspect of it was fun for me. It was Woolf in a more light-hearted mood. At least, that’s the way I read it. Rent the movie. You might find that you like it. I can’t say that I agree with Woolf’s comment about women finding their own sentence. I don’t really believe there’s a detectable difference between male and female writing styles. For example, I’ve often been mistaken on line for a man based on my writing. And I don’t know how many times I’ve read something, not noticing the author’s name, and decided it was written by a man, or a woman, only to discover I was wrong. The point is that people, including me, who should know better, tend to ascribe certain qualities to men and women that are just not accurate. There are just as many butch women as there are feminine men, and there’s an entire spectrum in between the two extremes. I’ve never considered myself a feminist because I believe that women placing themselves in some special category that is distinct from (and preferably superior to) men just creates more distance between the genders. We’re all in this together and the line between male and female is thinner than you can imagine. (Again, maybe that comes from living in San Francisco among so many gays/lesbians/transgendered people. It liberated me from preconceived ideas about gender-tied behavior). Also, not having brothers or a father around when I was growing up, with my mother acting as the breadwinner and head of the family, caused me to think differently about gender expectations. My mother, who died just recently, was a pre-feminist who definitely liked men but never married again because she valued her independence.

veghead's Xombytes

I find it difficult

I find it difficult to write honestly even to myself about the darkest thoughts that I have. When I journal, I feel like I'm cheering myself up and struggle to admit even to myself when I'm having dark feelings. When I was growing up, my brothers frequently stole my diaries, so I think I have trust issues and worry who might read my words and be hurt by them. When we moved from Tennessee to Alabama in June, I discarded fourteen years worth of journals I'd kept during my marriage. I read through them and kept the baby journals and maybe one other, and then I threw the rest away. In my mind, it was a way of letting go and hoping for a better life ahead--a new beginning. My husband and I have been through a tough couple of years, and I was hoping letting go of some things might help us to be optimistic about the future. I didn't like Orlando very much. I read online today that Vita's son considers it a literary love letter from Woolf to his mother. I remember having to read it, but I don't remember that much about it. To the Lighthouse was how Woolf dealt with the passing of her mother, and it is one of the most subtly powerful novels I've ever read. I lost a dear aunt at 13, the age Woolf lost her mother, and I think reading To the Lighthouse helped me work through some grief of my own. Even though I read it for a college course when I was only 19, I still am occasionally reminded of things I learned from reading it. And, I sometimes think about what Woolf says about women needing to find their own sentence and wonder whether I'll ever find my own.

journaling vs. diarying

I envy you your ability to release negative or random thoughts through journaling. I can see how the technique could be used to create better mental health and creativity. You know, there’s really no difference between a diary and a journal in their dictionary definitions, but “diarying ” sounds like a messy spilling out of your guts, while journaling has come to mean a more serious ongoing writing exercise with the purpose of providing grist for your writing mill or dealing with psychosocial issues. Which is what you do. I was more into diarying. I twice went through all my diaries from age 11 onward, and the second time extracted passages that I thought had interesting turns of phrase or keen observations. I put them all together and tried to sell them as a kind of short story. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, but then, I didn’t try very hard. But it was enlightening. I also took out all my travel scribblings and put them in a separate file. Another interesting exercise. I may get back to journaling. I often look at my last incomplete notebook and think that I should start up again, and I may, now that I’m older and wiser and so many of the issues that plagued me as a younger person are resolved.

veghead's Xombytes

My journal is more of "random thoughts in my head"

When I first started journaling in September last year, I will admit the motive was therapeutic as I was and still am an internal processor and too much "noise" in my head makes figuring stuff out a real chore. I had learned a couple of years ago that writing a letter to the person who angered you or hurt you--but without sending it--was a good way to transfer that strong, potentially destructive energy to the paper and thus neutralize it. My journaling serves the same purpose. As I've continued to work through stuff, as in things that will come up from nowhere as I dig deeper into my subconscious and deal with past issues, I sometimes find random feelings bubbling to the surface of my conscious mind. When it first happened, I didn't quite know what to do. Now, I just make a quick journal entry describing it and releasing it. The nice thing about journaling for me now is that I can jot down the random thoughts that would otherwise clog my conscious mind and keep me from achieving my best creativity for writing articles. Depending on what is happening in a particular evening, I may skip a night, but I don't ever skip more than that one night because I have found that I get stressed without the release and loose my focus during the day. I know you had a negative experience with your diary entries and I understand that it is not for everyone. I just know that I find it an indispensable tool for wellness. JOIN US IN TOASTING YOUR FUTURE SUCCESS!

Virginia Woolf's sexuality

I’m no Woolf scholar—what I’ve learned about her life and work I’ve picked up mostly on my own. But as to her sexuality, or anyone’s for that matter, you certainly don’t have to consummate a relationship to be able to figure out which gender, if any, you’re attracted to. Even life-long celibates know if they’re straight, gay, bi-, or a-, based on the physical attractions (or lack thereof) they feel toward others. I have read that Woolf had at least one lesbian affair, with the writer Vita Sackville-West. But who can prove something like that? Only the people involved knew for sure. I have also read that she may have been what used to be called “frigid”. My own reading of her life is that she was a liberated, passionate woman with sexual feelings and an understanding husband, and she had no particular qualms about acting out her feelings, particularly in the sophisticated social circle she belonged to. As for her various works, besides what you mention, Whit Bell, I’m fond of “Orlando”, which was made into a not terribly successful movie with Tilda Swinton. Woolf plays with male and female roles in this novel, showing the elasticity of gender identification, and perhaps hinting at her personal views on sexuality. That kind of material was fairly radical in the pre-feminist times she lived in. As to her not writing in her diary when she was depressed, apparently she didn't give any indication of depression in her last diary entries, which were written three weeks before her suicide. So maybe it would have saved her life if she had written through her depression. I don't think it works like that for everyone, though. As I mentioned to jdubhub, I stopped keeping a diary mostly because I tended to write my darkest thoughts and beat myself up on paper, which would, of course, depress me further.

veghead's Xombytes

To the Lighthouse

I've read many of Woolf's books, including the diary, and I'd recommend To the Lighthouse as a first Woolf-read. After she wrote it, she referred to her life as before To the Lighthouse or after it. In addition--I have nothing against bisexuals or lesbians, but there is no proof she actually consummated a relationship with anyone, actually (unless she writes of sex with her husband someplace that I don't know of). My Woolf professor said he believed Woolf "was unable to respond" to a man but that no one has ever said that Woolf actually had a lesbian affair, though she may well have been in love with another woman. At six, she was molested by an older step-brother, according to a diary, if I remember correctly. I'm not sure The Hours is a fair depiction of Woolf, but I agree that Kidman was amazing in it. Mrs. Dalloway is an excellent novel, too, by the way. I've read it at least twice and would learn something new about myself if I read it again today. Woolf's sophisticated style is what I admire most about her, and I am intrigued by the mystery of her mental state. I once saw a timeline that compared Woolf's most depressed times (or what is believed to be her episodes of mental illness) to her diary-writing, and the person presenting the timeline believed that Woolf did not write when she was deeply disturbed. Perhaps the act of writing, whether in a journal or on Xomba, helps to keep us from jumping off the bridges or drowning ourselves in the river Thames(?).

I wish I had stories in my head

When I attempt fiction I usually end up fictionalizing my own life, because that's what I know best. I'm not good at coming up with stories that have totally fictional characters and plots. But I personally prefer to read or watch stories that are character- rather than plot-driven in which nothing much actually happens, although I also enjoy plot-driven scary stuff (Stephen King, Peter Straub), or, in the case of TV shows, suspense (24, Prison Break).

veghead's Xombytes

Woolf was a complicated woman

Apparently lesbian (or bi-) but happily married to the devoted Leonard Woolf, suffering from frequent bouts of depression and headaches, highly intelligent and intellectual, and experimental in her writing techniques. I admire people who dare to do things differently than the rest. I kept a diary almost obsessively for a long time, including lists of meals I'd eaten, books I'd read or wanted to read, movies I'd seen, etc., but I found that I tended to get into the role of drama queen and record more of the negative stuff in my life than the good stuff, and it started getting me down. So I pretty much stopped before I convinced myself to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge!

veghead's Xombytes

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