We Must Stop the Scientists

I have said it before, and I will probably say it again, more than likely right here and now, but someone needs to stop the scientists. Now, I am not against science. Very much the opposite, I love science and think that scientists have found some of the greatest things in the world and, indeed, the universe. However, there are some scientists that I just don't understand.

I guess being a scientists must be hard at times. You sit around, with all of that lab equipment like a microscope and those wires with the electricity running up them like Dr. Frankenstein, and you need money to make it all worthwhile. So, you need to either start finding a corporate sponsor to fund your research or you need to find a way to get a government grant.

I have no idea how scientists figure out which thing they are going to study and publish information about, but maybe they throw darts at a bulletin board. Like I said, I have no idea what they do, but sometimes they come up with the craziest things

When I was growing up, the scientists managed to convince a large portion of the world that butter was bad. This launched a margarine craze. I remember my family bought into it. Suddenly we had margarine in little tubs on the dinner table. Of course, this completely ignored the hundreds of years that humanity had been eating butter, even churning the stuff themselves. Of course, back then, the exercise probably came from the churning itself.

This went on for a while, with every company that had produced butter now producing margarine or versions of butter that were supposed to be healthier for you. In my memory, this went on all through the 80s. However, in the 90s, the scientists and the nutritionists came out and said that margarine was loaded with chemicals that were bad for you. It turned out butter was really better for you.

Then there are the scientists who tell you that drinking alcohol such as wine is good for you. Then they have to warn you that alcohol has a lot of calories and can cause weight gain. At the same time it also has all of those affects of alcohol that can be dangerous.

Let's not forget that science once tried to convince people that smoking was OK. Then there were the scientists making cigarettes more dangerous and more addictive. All the while there were more scientists who said that smoking was bad for you.

Then there are the scientists who come out and say chocolate is good for you. Just after they release their study, some other guys come along and release a study saying that chocolate is bad for you. Maybe these are the same guys who say that coffee is good for you, in reasonable amounts, and they are opposite those who say caffeine is bad for you.

That's the problem with these guys. There is always a group of them working in opposition to some other group of scientists. So, just after one group releases a study that says it's great, another group releases a study that says it's bad. One of the best I ever remember hearing about was a study that said that masturbation was good at helping to prevent prostate cancer. I thought, great, one less thing for me to worry about, and then, a few years later, another study comes out saying that isn't the case and that masturbation may have detrimental effects.

The most recent one that struck me as odd was the revelation that that "new car smell" may be dangerous for you. Apparently what makes that smell that everyone loves so much is caused by plastics and chemicals and things that are, actually, quite toxic. So, breathing all of that in is breathing in those chemicals.

Of course, there is nothing better than that new car smell. I love that new car smell. At the same time car washes and places have sprays and deodorants that claim to give you that smell back. I know many people who wish their car would just keep smelling that way. I know I do. And now, some scientists are trying to say that this is bad.

Here's my question about this, though, and that is what about all of the people who have been breathing this for as long as cars have been in existence and been coming out new. You mean to tell me that all of those hundreds and thousands and millions of people who have bought new cars since cars became available have been breathing dangerous chemicals? If so, so what? I have never recalled running across a conversation like this.

Police officer (looking at a dead body in a car): He sure is dead. Look at him, all slumped over the steering wheel. What killed him?

Other officer (looking at his notes): Looks like he died of new car smell asphyxiation.

First officer: Damn, that's the third one this week.

The thing to really keep in mind is the fact that everything in the world can, and probably will, kill you. Too much sun will give you cancer, but you cannot survive without vitamin D. Jogging is good for you, but it will damage your knees and legs and spine and possibly cause a heart attack. Eating one kind of food is good for you, but eating too much of it is bad. Eat more fish, but be careful of too much mercury in your system. Eat these potato chips, but be careful of anal leakage.

A person who really tries to follow every scientist recommendation to maintain a healthy lifestyle will soon find themselves unable to do anything. You cannot drink too much bottle water because the plastic is bad for you and the environment. At the same time if you try to drink water from the tap, the city water is contaminated. You shouldn't actually breathe the air because there is too much pollution.

It becomes a maze that turns your head one way and then another all within the course of a few seconds. Attempting to keep up with it all is like deliberately trying to give yourself whiplash. I have no idea how to do it except to just stop listening.

For me, if my doctor tells me about something, I will give it greater weight that some study I heard about on the news. He seems to have my health more on his mind that a group of scientists looking to get more government grants to continue their studying. Beyond that, I have begun to tune out the scientists who release those studies.

I am going to suggest you do the same thing. Unless you want to spend your time cowering in your apartment or house, not drinking, eating or touching anything. Of course, that's bad for you too, and for that, I didn't even need a government grant.

Bryan W. Alaspa's novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com. He also has two short stories available for download at www.amazon.com.