Divorce makes a man think about marriage, and the mechanics of the process. The wedding planning is certainly a minefield through which no man can pass unscathed. If you offer your fiancé too much advice, you are being pushy and not listening. If you simply go along with all her decisions, you are just not involved in the wedding. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe you don’t love her. Maybe her Mother was right about you. Maybe we should just call the whole thing off!

Now you are spending the next 45 minutes asking her to come out of the bathroom so you can discuss if the centerpieces should match the bridesmaids’ corsages.

Can anyone explain the purpose of the Rehearsal? Is it just so you can have another uncomfortable family function to force the in-laws to spend more time together? Surely by now no one needs practice preparing for a wedding. Groom: Stand here and repeat what the priest/rabbi/minister/shaman/Internet says. Bride: walk in time with the music, stand opposite the groom and repeat what the priest/rabbi/minister/shaman/Internet says. Anyone need to rehearse this now? Didn’t think so.

Many grooms are surprised to learn (some with fewer than 24 hours notice) that they are supposed to get a gift for the bride. And it better be a good one because she had your golf tee holder/business card folder/cigarette case monogrammed eight weeks ago.

This is a tough issue for the groom because after the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and the honeymoon, men think they have given her an awful lot. Does she really need a tennis bracelet too?

Speaking of engagement rings, where the hell does the Diamond Council get off recommending we spend three month’s salary on a diamond? Of course they recommend such an investment; they’re the Diamond Council. I’m surprised they don’t recommend spending six month’s, or a year’s salary and a Korean exchange student. They are a rogue organization with no government oversight. It’s like the Television Council recommending we have two HD-TV’s in every room.

All that being said, I still love weddings. The bride always looks lovely, the groom proud, the families happy and the reception delicious.

I just have one question: Who do I speak with to get an appointment to the Diamond Council?

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