A number of people (Idlewild, I’m looking at you) have expressed some confusion because Mia Northwest and I have avatars that are strikingly similar. (In this case, avatar refers to the little graphic symbol that accompanies our comments, is found on our profile pages, etc. If you would like to imagine that it refers to something else, go right ahead. In my case, at least. I can’t speak for Mia. Not since she filed those papers with the court.)

How this situation came about is anybody’s guess. The observant among you may have noticed that Mia has had hers for much longer than I have had mine, which may lead those so observant (also known as “those busybodies with nothing better to do with their lives”) to suppose that I copied or imitated or just plain stole Mia’s idea for my own. I maintain that I had mine first but that Mia used some sort of super-futuristic technology to time travel back into the past (I know what goes on in the Northwest, Mia – don’t look so innocent) and change her avatar after she saw how truly stunning my emerald green eye looks.

But that’s neither here nor there. You’re reading this (or in some cases having it read to you – how ya doin’, wHATUP?) because you want to know how to tell which one of us is commenting on one of your ‘bytes or ‘blurbs, thereby keeping it in play a little bit longer and increasing the chances someone will click on an ad and contribute $0.37 to your retirement fund.

I could point out the blazingly obvious differences in the avatars themselves, such as how the gorgeous shade of green in MY eye is clearly natural and NOT the result of phony contact lenses, or how MY eye is giving what must really be called a sultry “come hither” look that’s dang hard to resist, or how MY eye’s lashes are free of cheap, wantonly mascara, the likes of which haven’t been seen since Mae West left this mortal coil. But to do any of that might be insulting to Mia, who is one of my oldest and dearest and oldest friends, and whom I would never want to upset or offend, especially since she obtained that court order. Did I mention that as friends go, she’s one of my oldest?

Anyway, here are some easy ways to tell us apart.

1. Read our names. I can’t tell you how important this is, people. Now pay attention. This is what mine looks like:

irvingl2001

This is what Mia’s looks like:

Mia Northwest

I know it’s confusing because we both use this new thing called “letters” that come from something called an “alphabet,” and Mia’s has an “i” and mine has 2 of them, and Mia’s has an upper case “N” and mine has a lower case, and we both have an “r” – BUT NOTHING ELSE IS THE SAME. I even have numbers in mine, for God’s sake. (The numbers are those funny looking letters at the end of my name. Got it? I’m beginning to think that ‘byte on public school education may have had some validity after all.)

2. Read our words. Is it witty, well-phrased and involving? It’s Mia’s. Does it bring a smile to your lips, a tear to your eyes, a flutter to your heart? Mia’s. Can you sense a keen intellect, an inquiring mind and a soaring soul behind the words? Yes, yes, yes, it’s Mia again. (God, I really hate her! Perfect little Miss Goody Two-Shoes. No wonder she wants to be Mary La-Di-Da Poppins! I hope she suffers major umbrella failure when she’s flying over Beaverton’s imposing skyline.)

3. Look at the subjects we’re discussing. Unless it’s Muriel Spark, you can pretty much tell us apart by WHAT we’re discussing as much as HOW we’re discussing it. I’ll put some subjects side by side to make this clearer:

4. If reading a ‘byte or ‘blurb (as opposed to a comment – d’uh!), see how many points the entry has. If it’s a number greater than 0, chances are Mia is the author.

Well, I hope this helps clear things up. And Mia, now that I’ve posted this, can we talk about settling at least one of those lawsuits?