What It Takes To Be A Parent

Being a parent requires maturity. Parents are a child's first ambassador to the world. They have the power to present a picture of the world to their child. When parents view the world through the eyes, or a heart, that is too immature to see a realistic picture, they cannot present an accurate picture to their child.

Being a parent requires being emotionally well adjusted - or at least being willing and able to find a way to work around any of one's own emotional issues, for the good of the child.

A parent must be strong - strong enough to make the difficult decisions, strong enough to deal with some of the worries of being a parent, strong enough to make the child feel sure that he is safe, and strong enough to do what is right, rather than what is easy.

A parent needs to have a good memory. Having a good memory lets parents remember how it feels to be a child. It gives a parent insight into why a child may do something he shouldn't do. Remembering what it was like to be a child helps parents realize that, most of the time, a child who has done something wrong feels pretty rotten about himself already. A good memory also comes in handy when that other sneaker gets lost each and every morning, when everyone is running late.

Sometimes a parent needs to be able to forget. (Sure, you may not have been in the in-crowd in high school, and sure it may have been because your mother wouldn't let you wear anything but "dud" clothes; but don't turn your six-year-old into a copy of that famous, troubled, pop star. Don't be on her back about staying super thin. Let go of the pain of looking like a dud and be thankful you weren't swept away by an In-Crowd that, as a group, may have peaked in their teens.)

A parent must have patience, but more importantly, be able to find patience when they don't have any left.

Being a good role model is important for parents. How can any parent believe they have the right to set a standard of behavior for their child, if they, themselves (adults), are not able to uphold that standard.

A parent needs to be emotionally secure enough not to worry about what is cool. Worrying about what's cool is for teenagers. Parents cannot let cool dictate their decisions, behavior, or beliefs.
A parent doesn't need to, and shouldn't, act "over the hill," but s/he shouldn't be afraid to act like an adult. In other words, a parent shouldn't buy a death-trap, two-seater, car and cram the baby wherever s/he fits, just because the parent doesn't want to feel like he's driving his father's sedan.

Being a parent requires a lot of common sense. The world is full of advice for parents. Some of it is good. Some is junk. Even experts change their ideas about things from one generation from another (sometimes more quickly). A parent needs the common sense to think for himself, know when he needs to listen to someone, and know when he should listen only to himself. Common sense comes in handy for things like knowing that letting a child stay up late one special night isn't the end of the world. Common sense helps parents understand that a birthday cake and some chips a few times a year is not the ruination of otherwise good eating habits.

A parent needs to be able to put the child's needs first, without resentment. In fact, a parent kind of needs to be able to feel happy about putting the child's needs first. That doesn't mean a parent shouldn't take care of himself. Children need parents who are healthy. Taking care of one's appearance is a way to be the good example a child needs. The kind of putting the child's needs first parents need is that kind that lets them stay up, dead-tired, if the child needs them to. It is waiting to eat until the child has eaten. It is doing without a trip to the gym because a child has a baseball game. It can mean sometimes not saying what one feels like saying, and instead saying what is best for the child to hear.

Although a parent can live with this, having good organizational abilities makes life a lot easier.

A parent needs to have a sense of humor and be willing to try to make the child laugh several times a day.

A parent needs to understand that most children go through some version of the same phases as they grow. One child may worry about lightning at seven, while another doesn't think about it until he's eight. A different child (the rarer one) may never fear lightning. In general, most children share developmental stages, even if some reach them earlier or later than other children do.

A parent needs to be very quick about washing sticky little hands. If parents aren't quick the baby wipes or wet paper towels they will find they live in a world of maple syrup, lollipop goo, and encrusted spit-up.

Sometimes a parent needs to know how to keep from crying even when he really feels like crying.

A parent needs to know how to expect respect from a child BUT ALSO how to show that the child the same kind of respect that all people deserve.

Knowing how to make children feel safe and secure, and being skilled at helping put the scary things in perspective, are skills a parent needs.

A good, solid, maternal or paternal instinct is important. The world is full of parents who show no signs of maternal or paternal instinct. These instincts are what help create a strong attachment. There are too many people who did not have proper attachment to at least one parent.

In the movie, "Forrest Gump," Forrest made the remark, "I may not be a smart man, but I know how to love." Parents don't have to be particularly smart people either, but each and every parent really does need a good, solid, understanding of what it means to love.