Most people, especially teenagers, have a basic human need for companionship. A healthy relationship can provide support, reassurance and validation. Unhealthy relationships are often confusing, hurtful and destructive. It is very important that teenagers develop communication and problem solving skills as well as strong self-esteem so that they don't become caught in unhealthy relationships that may become a lifelong pattern.

Good relationships offer support, encouragement and confidence. A bad relationship can make you avoid people or make you afraid to get involved in future relationships. It is important to give young people the tools to identify the difference. Put-downs are forms of verbal abuse meant to control or dominate another person. Verbal and emotional abuse are hard to detect since they don't leave visible marks and usually come from someone you believe cares about you.

People stay friends with an abuser because they may be afraid to stand up for themselves or to lose the social prestige/network association which the abuser lends them. Remaining in an abusive relationship can result in a severe decrease of self-esteem.

The abuser is usually a person who knows us better than anyone else, which means they usually know exactly what to say to hurt our feelings. On top of that, these are people who are supposed to be ones who love us the most. So the betrayal really affects a person's confidence. Gradually, a person even starts to believe all those things that they're hearing. When someone is being verbally abusive, it's really important to take care of oneself. One of the ways to do that is to let the abuser know immediately that you won't accept that kind of behavior from anyone.

A common aspect of an unhealthy or abusive relationship is a possessive and jealous relationship. This behavior can cause the partner to feel passive, submissive and owned. It is sometimes difficult to recognize jealous/possessive behavior at the beginning of a relationship because it may seem flattering and relationships usually don't start out abusive.
Young people need to learn that it is a myth that jealousy and possession are signs of love. Real love is open and available, unlike many peoples' view of love as pursuit and aggression. Teenagers often feel trapped if they believe they won't find anyone else to date, if they can't confront their partner, or if they feel threatened by the other person.

Everyone needs a network of resources to deal with these situations. Resources are trustworthy people a person can turn to, safe places to go, and supportive agencies to call when they need help. Together, these people, places and agencies combine to create a safety-net of support. Help your teenager to identify their network of resources. Contact your local advocacy center for victims of domestic violence for more support including assistance in obtaining restraining orders.