I find myself even at the tender age of 40 still having crushes on women. Matter of fact, I think my mind encourages them. Let me 'splain. I think I have stated before that I find almost every woman attractive in one way or another. I can't help it. Every conversation, every interaction I have with a woman - I actively look for her most attractive feature. Is it the shape of her body? Is it the color or style of her hair? Is it the color of her eyes? Is it the shape and color of her lips? Is it the knowledge she possesses? Is it her personality? Is it her laugh? Is it her sense of humor? Is it her view on life? Is it the way she treats others? All these questions race through my mind 'til I hit on what makes this woman stand out. Then I idealize that quality to obscene lengths which 99 times out of 100 it is not sexual. Very, very rarely do I act on these crushes. Why? No need really. Why break the spell? I can love them from afar as a dream rather than really getting to know them and be disappointed. That is not to say I do not date - I do but I feel I also need my crushes. I love having my "what ifs". I love wrapping my mind around those scenarios - letting my mind wander. It is a journey of imagination at its finest. What would it be like to hold her hand? To kiss her goodnight? To talk to her for hours? To drink and yell and scream for hours? To agrue? To watch a movie with? To travel with? To consul? To meet again when I'm eighty? To see her with her kids?

Does that mean I secretly desire to be with another woman when I am with another woman? Yeah, probably but crushes for me, for the most part, are not to be acted on. A promise to a woman is a promise. If I didn't believe in that promise or want to make that promise, I wouldn't. But that doesn't mean I won't have my crushes; that I won't let my mind wander; that I won't think about what it would be like to see her smile at me.

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