While cleaning windows, I came across another sticker/sign besides “Shoplifters will be prosecuted” that I see regularly: Shoes and shirt must be worn – or something to that effect. These demands assume a lot. If shirts and shoes must be worn, does it mean that pants are optional or are store owners just assuming that people would normally where pants. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, but where do the store owners think they are? We live in upstate New York; there might be two months out of the year where people would even feel compelled to go sans shirt and shoes. Therefore, I’d say shirt and shoes are probably a given. Pants, on the other hand, might seem optional to a lot of the inner city Rochester inhabitants.

I happened to come across a variation of these guidelines at a Dunkin Donuts that I’ve never seen before. The sign read: No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service. This sounded far too familiar, and that’s because it closely resembles the title of the Kenny Chesney CD and song, “No shoes, No shirt, No problems.” Well, upon this realization I couldn’t help myself…With some help from Kenny’s song and the Dunkin Donuts sign, I created my own song. With that, I give to you my version of a Dunkin Donuts manager’s rendition of the song “No shoes, No shirt, No problems.” (sing to the same tune)

No shoes, No shirt, No service

Always up before dawn because I’ve got the key.
Got a bum comin ‘round for the stuff that he needs,
And my staff lets him hang around without clothes
He’s stinkin’ the whole place up; I hope it snows

No shoes, no shirt, no service
Booze? What booze? Hey, we don’t got it.
Your cart, and your cans, and that stuff on your hands… it looks like shit
No shoes, no shirt, no service

Want a clean restaurant on a street in the ROC
Want to look through my window and not see you there
Wanna sell donuts for awhile with some coffee…
With no bums, derelicts, or tramps, and no hobos

No shoes, no shirt, no service
Booze? What booze? Hey, we don’t got it.
Your cart, and your cans, and that stuff on your hands… it looks like shit
No shoes, no shirt, no service

You better get packed because I’ll call the cops…if I gotta
No shoes, no shirt, no service